Jesus Vs. Darth Vader, An Epic Uber-Battle. (1319 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.39 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thored (View user info) at 2005-03-03 19:32:55 EST
I was considering what would happen if Vader ever fought Jesus. Although physically impossible this fight has a lot to it. Although I'd prefer to see Optimus Prime Vs. Ashlee Simpson, I'll settle for this epic battle. No, not a rap battle, although that would be cool, Jesus Vs. Darth Vader would engage in a physical fight to the death, to the Mortal Kombat theme song! Although Jesus is believed to be god, Darth Vader is believed to be more popular than Jesus in every poll ever conducted by man. It seems a guy who has a killing machine is more liked than a guy who can turn water into wine.
Although he would be useful at parties.
So Darth Vader can:
-Use the Force.
-Use a light saber.
-Choke people without using his hands.
-Fire Lightening bolts from his finger tips.
-Not breathe properly.
-Ruin anyone on the face of the earth. Accept Optimus Prime.
Jesus can:
-Transform Water into wine.
-Pray.
-Heal.
-Get angry and throw tables.
-Stay calm.
-Start the worlds largest religion.
It seems to me this will become a battle of epic proportions. What's your take on the battle of the century?
Hoping for more content? Two words, Photoshop.
(( Just in case: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/Thor12/Jesusowned.jpg ))
If there is one way to piss people off, I give you:
User Reviews
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nerd Note: Nowhere in the movies has Vader ever used "force-lighting." It is speculated that he COULD, but, unlike Count Dooku, Palpatine's/Sideous's previous apprentice, who used force lightning in Episode II, Vadar never has.
Getting that out of the way, I'd say that Vader would kill Jesus. But then, you have to ask yourself . . . was that part of Jesus' plan all along?
Hmmmmmmm.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-04 04:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the Bible says that Jesus has +7 Gloves of Divine Protection so I'm gonna bet on him
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-04 00:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-03 23:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
star wars already has a jesus type...Obi-wan.
beard.
calm.
sacrifice of himself for the good of the han, luke, and everybody's favorite wookie, chewbaca.
now a fight between Jabba and all the ewoks of endor? that would be epic.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-03 23:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by grandturismo (user info) at 2005-03-03 23:46:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Explanation at least? Bitch.
Submitted by grandturismo (user info) at 2005-03-03 23:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by epiphany (user info) at 2005-03-03 21:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now does Vader get to use his light Saber, or just The Dark Side of the Force? If Vader get the saber, I say give Jesus a Bible, or a shepherd's staff or something!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-03-03 21:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Buddhism is the worlds largest religion.
A billion Chinese can't be wrong.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-03-03 21:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In my orignal draft, I had meantioned Ninjas and Nazis, but I figured I could lay off the stupid a bit just for this one.
________
Never lay off the stupid. Ninjas roolz. Stupid roolz.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-03 21:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Islam is the world's largest religion. Would've been a +2 if you could get your facts right.
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Damn my North-Americanized mind.
Christians are the 2nd largest? Or...
I just don't feel like making the long journey to my google toolbar.
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-03-03 20:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Islam is the world's largest religion. Would've been a +2 if you could get your facts right.
Submitted by GrandsonOfGod (user info) at 2005-03-03 20:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Dad! W00T!
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-03-03 20:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Except OP...not accept.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-03-03 20:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an atheist.
Go Jeebus! Go Jeebus! Go Jeebus! WOOOO!
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Vader would kick Jesus's ass anyday!!
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have mentioned Ninjas.
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In my orignal draft, I had meantioned Ninjas and Nazis, but I figured I could lay off the stupid a bit just for this one.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hands down the J-man would pwn. Underneath those robes he's actually ripped. NOt to mention even if Darth Vader was to able to defeat him Jesus would just rise again from the dead and open up on the cape wearing nancy boy. The guy can't even breathe right.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus would win by 8 points.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. I'd like to say Vader but Jesus would just keep rising from the dead. You just can't beat someone with those sorts of skillz.
You should have mentioned Ninjas.
Submitted by PlaguedByMurphy (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not recall Vader using the force-lightning trick, but I could be mistaken.
I'll take Jesus, KO's Vader in round 1. Jesus walked on water, and healed the sick...he could heal himself should Vader try any force tricks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
vader will PWN the son of god.
nothing like a battle between fictional characters.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-03 19:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna say Jesus is probably going to win, but I'm gonna take the underdog:
GO VADER WOOO!!!