Why do women need sex toys? (2626 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.15 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kraven once sold his mom for sex. (View user info) at 2005-03-04 09:12:14 EST
I warned you guys yesterday in my last post. It was a poem, and i titled it poetry so i expected the hit count to turn out a bit low, and it did. Well with all due respect, i bring you todays million dollar question. Of course there is no real money involved but im sure i could fax over some monopoly money if you want.
Why do women need sex toys? I've always pondered the reason behind this one. I've recently narrowed it down to a few possibilites. Im sorry if i offend any of you dildo weilding, sybian riding, anal bead stuffing ladies out there, but i have to get this out there. (Dont worry any dildo weilding, sybian riding, anal bead stuffing female can come give me a show any time.)
Women, lets start here. You know men just as well as we know ourselves. Yet over the years we have remaind oblivious to the ways of the vagina. Rarely scouting deep withing the walls of heaven, we are limited in the depths at which we can explore. (Those of you who know the term "Bottom out" can relate.)
Men are sex craved mongrels. We will do anything in our power to get between those thunder thighs, and beef curtains. But yet, you feel the need to masturbate. Now dont get me wrong female masturbation is hot. Not just hot, its HOT. Im totally for it, other wise i'd would be one mark shy of jerko-mataerial.
If you've made it this far bare with me, im having a hard time saying what im trying to say. Women no matter how desperate you are you can always find a willing mate, therefor having no reason or purpose for masturbation. You may say Mr. Buzz-pole doesnt argue, doesnt talk, and doesnt just roll over when hes done his job. Men, can train them selves to give a girl what she wants in bed, you just have to tell us instead of pretending to enjoy everything.
In a mans world, dildos are the devil. Every time a dildo is used a man goes sexless, and you wonder why there is so much hate, stress, and frustration in the world today. If we all put our little sexual solo trips aside and started sharing these experiances with other people, there would be less hate in the world.
Female masturbation should be for porn stars only. "Well, Kraven. What gives men the right to masturbate and not women?" Well, like i said before its not so easy for us guys to go out and get laid. We have to find a woman who is willing. Now tell me ladies, how many times have you ran into a guy who was not willing to sleep with you? Masturbation is lame, its a chore we must carry out because someone else isnt doing their job, like laundry.
Now the second possibility, un-attractiveness. Some women may blame their looks for masturbation, and well i can agree with them because im shallow. Not everyone is shallow like me, you can find someone willing to chance the health of their peener. C'mon now you have two very powerful powerful natural abilities. With the ability to shake dat ass and bounce dem tit-tays, you have the power to bring sexual thaughts to any mans mind. That is so money. If shaking my balls and flaunting my non-ass would bring the ladies to the yard, i'd sure be like its better than yours, and i would teach you too, but i would have to charge. Because with that power i would never need to masturbate, and i wouldnt. I envy you women.
Well im done placing my theroy into the wood works, now its time for you Ubernuts to pick apart my thesis and help share in the vast search for knowledge, your encouters with the masturbating female. No, i dont want to know who you skeeted all over last night, causing "sun streaks" on the monitor. Help me unravel this mystery. Help me to understand why women need to masturbate.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 19:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Vibration. A vibrator on my clit is about the only thing that gets me off. Sex alone does not. I love sex but sometimes I just want to masturbate and go to sleep
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this has been the funniest one yet.. I know your feeling... isnt it nice to pop one off and pass out? Why you think us men have been practicing that for so many years?
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This has been a fun post :) Thanks all for the comments. As for me im going to click some more links maybe make a few posts and hit the bars up. Night all, haters too...
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-03-04 18:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a release thing. The pressure builds up, we wanna get laid, boom out comes the vibrator...
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-03-04 18:23:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Most guys with and degree of social skills can get laid whenever they want too.
It's just the whole thought of bringing home some cougar and having the hotel bill you extra for having to clean the crabs out of their mattress.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-04 18:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
if you knew anything about women, which I assume you don't, then you would know that the best way for a man to please a woman is for the woman to first know how she likes to be pleased... Sex toys do that perfectly for them as they are able to expirement and then direct their man to do just as the like, thus a double success because we all know that we, as men, are pleased VERY easily. lol
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Vibration. A vibrator on my clit is about the only thing that gets me off. Sex alone does not. I love sex but sometimes I just want to masturbate and go to sleep.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:56:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cookie lass.. I hear pierced dicks vibrate, bare it in mind and I'd let my girl watch the OC if I could too
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I once dated a very homely man based solely on the fact that he had a massive pierced cock. He was an ass, he smelled funny, and he had horrible manners, but he could fuck like a champ.
His cock did not vibrate.
And as for telly watching... it's hard to do when you're being fucked properly. Masturbation is much more mellow than a proper fucking.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:15:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You act like you're 11
Run along...
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 16:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:51:39 (#)
Ranking: -1
Yes, but I really don't like you.
How old are you?
The answer: Too old for the ROFLcopter.
======
ROFL....
Im 21... just a young lad...
what about roflskaters
or lmaonators
or i could use words such as pwnd joo....
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cookie lass.. I hear pierced dicks vibrate, bare it in mind and I'd let my girl watch the OC if I could too
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:51:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yes, but I really don't like you.
How old are you?
The answer: Too old for the ROFLcopter.
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes i am listening, the whole post wasnt a serious fucking post.. It was for humor maybe i shoulda tagged it at that. I know why people masturbate, i was just trying to liven things up a bit, and it worked dont hate me. I got much love for you.
Caul person i love you to bud, its ok want a hug?
Kraven is catholic and catholics think masturbation is a sin.
Im a bad catholic :(
BUT I DONT MOLEST KIDS so, im good.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:45:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STDs(including babies), retard
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Kraven,
I think I am starting to hate you.
Sincerely,
strwbryfanatic
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:09:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have an idea .... I want your guys participation if possible... I want to compile a list of "Best comments" so like just read through and find some that you found either note worthy or just down right funny...
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This has been done several times already.
Not a good idea.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think everyone's already chimed in with enough answers to your question. But are you even listening...?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Women need sex toys, otherwise they'd just be whores.
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:09:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have an idea .... I want your guys participation if possible... I want to compile a list of "Best comments" so like just read through and find some that you found either note worthy or just down right funny... email them to heckler420.at.gmail.com subj "Funny subjects"
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 15:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:35:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
Part of your thesis is that all women don't need to masturbate because they could sleep with anyone, anytime. I rebuffed that women probably prefer plastic toys to losers like you.
You asked Uberers to pick apart your theory. That's what I did.
What more do you want my dim-witted little friend? A +2? Chocolate?
Proceed with another one of your trademark evasive dumbass response which most of the time has nothing to do with what you previously said.
====
What if i say nothing? Are you going to -2 me again?
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite obvious, they love it.try fucking her at the same time she buzzes her clit.Mine climbs the walls .
Submitted by Suriyawong (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, it gets a plus one cause I got to hear the CookieLass say "Also, whangs don't vibrate on my clit. And I like things that vibrate on my clit."
Not true. My whang vibrates steadily. It also hums.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
1) If I am dating a guy and he is not around when I'm horny, I have two options: 1) My finger 2) My trusty vibrator. I don't want any "but" 's about it.
2) What TigerLilly said. Just because we CAN go out and find a random guy to fuck around with doesn't mean that's what we WANT to do. Besides, when my roommate leaves, I usually don't know how long she'll be gone for. It's either fire it up right away or lose all chances. I don't have the time to find a guy and take the risk that he'll get me off before my roommate returns.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Part of your thesis is that all women don't need to masturbate because they could sleep with anyone, anytime. I rebuffed that women probably prefer plastic toys to losers like you.
You asked Uberers to pick apart your theory. That's what I did.
What more do you want my dim-witted little friend? A +2? Chocolate?
Proceed with another one of your trademark evasive dumbass response which most of the time has nothing to do with what you previously said.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Willing doesn't always mean able.
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 13:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:52:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:09:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:23:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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this guy hates me... maybe because of that "Im american so fuck you comment i made to him"
C'mon hommie i was just jigglin yer ballz
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I don't hate you. You're way too unimportant to emote such a strong feeling in me. But I do have some contempt for whiny losers. Don't blame women if they prefer an inanimate cylindric piece of jelly to you.
Lol.... this guy is to funny, i dont think he could catch a point if it landed in his hand.
Im not blaming them. I know they enjoy it... but i just always thought interaction with other humans was much more fun... *Takes notes on what the women say for personal gain* And thanks for telling me how unimportant i am. I guess if you were important to me i would care but since you came across as a jackass the first time i spoke in your dirrection, i do not care for oppinion..
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-04 12:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Masturbation is lame, its a chore we must carry out because someone else isnt doing their job, like laundry"
haha, laundry...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I masturbate because the boy would be sad if I didn't put my book down the entire time I was fucking him. Or if I tried to fuck him and watch The OC at the same time. Plus, I can mumble whatever name I want to, and I don't have to worry about my little vibrating bug getting jealous and mad and starting to cry. Also, I don't have to tell myself what I want. Also, whangs don't vibrate on my clit. And I like things that vibrate on my clit.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:09:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:23:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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this guy hates me... maybe because of that "Im american so fuck you comment i made to him"
C'mon hommie i was just jigglin yer ballz
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I don't hate you. You're way too unimportant to emote such a strong feeling in me. But I do have some contempt for whiny losers. Don't blame women if they prefer an inanimate cylindric piece of jelly to you.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Now the second possibility, un-attractiveness. Some women may blame their looks for masturbation, and well i can agree with them because im shallow."
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Pure fucking gold.
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 11:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:23:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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this guy hates me... maybe because of that "Im american so fuck you comment i made to him"
C'mon hommie i was just jigglin yer ballz
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I disagree with you whole heartedly, but I can't be bothered to explain why. It's after 5, I'm boozed at work, and I'm going out now.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
why the hell do women need or do anything?
because they want to....
A female friend once said "sometimes I do things that I know my boyfriend won't understand,
so I make up a crazy excuse that is just a bit less crazy than the truth to explian it"
don't question....it's easier.
then again, have you ever tried to explain why a man in a healthy relatoinship needs porn to
his girlfreind? same thing man...
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:36:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:31:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
You, and men like you are the reason women masterbate. Chicks don't like to deal with men, sometimes. I personally like my orgasm-giver to not steal the bedcovers and fart when I'm done.
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ROFL that comment was so worth me typing this out.....
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Women have such bigger egos than guys.. We get shot down alot more but the only way a girl is sure she's going home with a guy is if she settles for less
Even men would take the hand over something horrible
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:31:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
You, and men like you are the reason women masterbate. Chicks don't like to deal with men, sometimes. I personally like my orgasm-giver to not steal the bedcovers and fart when I'm done.
__________________________________________
AAAAAAAAAAAAaahahahahahaha! Best reply ever!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could tell you but I'd have to charge.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Because my fiance likes to watch it.
Also, what Jeannee said... just because we CAN get laid doesn't mean we WANT to.
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would say, in most cases it isn't about not being able to get sex.
The fact is, it's fun so why not do it? It isn't the same as sex with a partner, which is more fun for me, but it IS enjoyable.
When I wasn't in a committed relationship, it was easier, safer, less messy and less dangerous than a random one night stand.
Don't spend my two cents in one place.
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You, and men like you are the reason women masterbate. Chicks don't like to deal with men, sometimes. I personally like my orgasm-giver to not steal the bedcovers and fart when I'm done.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
" Now tell me ladies, how many times have you ran into a guy who was not willing to sleep with you?"
Perhaps woman don't want to sleep around "just to get laid." Oh sure it's easy to get laid. I could walk into a bar myself and walk out with a guy on my arm. If that is what I wanted to do but it isn't. Masturbation is easy and efficient and I'd rather do that then go to some shady bar and bring home some STD.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Because some women like to get FREAKY! I don't mean, "Smack my bottom and finger me til I cum," freaky, I mean, "Hook that shit up to a power converter, I want to see what the max load on this UtriViBro Daddy is, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!"
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:23:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rofl jen (i forget how to spell your name completly)
i always look forward to your responses i wuv you....
--
"Some women are ugly"
Why yes they are...
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Some women are ugly
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because it's a valid question with honest intent, and it made me laugh.
"Women can have sex anytime they want" is something I've heard a lot from men. This is probably true, but here's the thing: Most women have no desire to go out and pick up a random dude to fuck them. Sure, many of us have had a one-night stand, maybe in college or whatever, but for the most part it's not our first choice.
Masturbation is safer, easier and much better for your reputation. Plus, let's face it: Your odds of getting off during sex, especially sex with a random partner who you don't know very well, are slim. The odds of getting off while masturbating? 100%.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As a reminder to stock up on batteries... for remote controls and such <cough>
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hardly legible, and not making any point. If a woman prefers the toys to actual men, that's their decision.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-04 09:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the best sex toy ever...my boyfriend.