Why I love my dildo (2117 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.29 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by aceyloulou (View user info) at 2005-03-04 20:20:07 EST
Why do I love my dildo? I'll tell you why. It is the greatest thing to happen since sliced bread.
Not only do I not have to give it head, but I don't have to get it hard. I can just slip it in and go to town. And when I'm done, I just put it away. I don't have to tell it I love it, I don't have to cuddle, and I don't have to listen to it snore. My dildo not only tickles my love button, but the head also rotates, not to mention the 4 different settings to ensure a mind blowing orgasm. My dildo is my friend...every woman should have a dildo. Mine is lavender and has a little beaver whose tail slaps my clit with such love and tenderness.
This is my first dildo, and it took me 2 hours to choose. I also had to endure going to the porn shop alone and being hit on by some gross man who thought it was clever to ask me if I "cum" here often. Wink, wink. Very original. +2 for trying, but sorry you lose. Get the fuck away from me, freak. Who knew there were so many to choose from? All different shapes and sizes and colors! My head was spinning. But then I saw it... my dildo. I think I heard an angelic choir in the background...oh wait, no, that was some guy in the porn booth. I grab my dildo, some lube, batteries and pay for my purchase.
I get home and of course, I run into my neighbor taking her dog for a walk. "Shopping huh?" "Yes" I reply, eager to try the beaver. Looking down, I notice the lube is sticking out the top of my bag. Oh well, shit happens. I politely excuse myself and run up to my bedroom, put in the batteries, and at last ECTASY!!!!!!!! OH MY GOOD GOD!!!!!!! I called my fiancé and told him he's been replaced. I've found another; my wonderful vibrating, rotating, lavender dildo.
Ladies, if you don't already have one, get one. NOW! STOP READING THIS! DON'T WALK....RUN!!!!! GO!!!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Eh. Like Sam Kinison said, all you bitches need from men is for us to be an emotional tampon they stick in when noone else will put up with their shit. Women are, by nature, the most conniving, emotionally unhinged, and SELFISH beings on the planet. Fuck you.
Submitted by AnnaBanana (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love mine too!!!
Submitted by dudaculb (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was good
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, but you can't post this without a picture of a dildo.....or yourself......or yourself and your dildo
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need a Sybian.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the most disgusting thing I have ever read on uber.
Submitted by momjeans (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love my dildo too.
Submitted by static416 (user info) at 2005-03-06 23:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care about what the person or the prop look like. The message is the important thing in my opinion.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-06 03:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you clean it...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-06 03:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The problem with this post is the reader has no clue as to the physical appearance of either the
dildo, or the protagonist.
Furthermore, the "me me me, mine mine mine" attitude throughout is a turnoff to the average reader.
Submitted by TheScaryGuy11 (user info) at 2005-03-06 02:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+ 1 for masterbation. - 1 for no picture
Submitted by kcthelush (user info) at 2005-03-06 02:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A girl's gotta do what's shes gotta do.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-06 02:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm no detective, but i suspect the minus2 are of a retaliatory nature
this poster is disliked by certain people for some reason, i guess
the post itself seems innocous enough, even the sort of thing modern uber girls usually praise
Submitted by static416 (user info) at 2005-03-06 01:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because:
It is unfortunate that more women do not realize that buying a vibrator does not make a slut or a sex fiend.
And unfortunate that more men don't realize that a having your girlfriend be more confident in her sexuality is a good thing, not a bad thing.
And whats with all the -2's, I don't understand people. Its empowering for women and hot for guys, where is there anything to be unhappy about.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-03-05 13:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
use your dildo for me on webcam
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh.... bighosting.net.
BIG. hosting.net.
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:52:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love u
Submitted by miss_behvn (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:24:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh, all the boys feelings are hurt because women can get off without them.
They've resorted to throwing insults to protect their fragile little egos.
Get over it! If she was fucking a guy everytime she had the urge to get off, she would
be a slut. Because she uses a dildo she is fat and ugly? Whatever.
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If you remember my post from earlier... I think she falls into the "Im ugly and cant get laid, thats why i masturbate" category..
((
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:54:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you're a hefty gal.
))
I bet your right...
Submitted by miss_behvn (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh, all the boys feelings are hurt because women can get off without them.
They've resorted to throwing insults to protect their fragile little egos.
Get over it! If she was fucking a guy everytime she had the urge to get off, she would
be a slut. Because she uses a dildo she is fat and ugly? Whatever.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-03-05 00:47:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like you. And I have the feeling that your dildo whimpers a little bit every time you pick it up.
And not in a good way, either.
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
are you jewish?
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bet ur not so hot urself, fucker
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:30:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
here's a pic of me
http://files.bighosting.net/mp34364.jpg
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My goodness. How does that dildo keep from going limp?
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
here's a pic of me
http://files.bighosting.net/mp34364.jpg
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
fair enough
it's odd, but women using dildos seems somehow appealing and erotic, or even sophisticated.
but men using cunt machines seems rther embarrasing
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Amen. Kinda like ghey chikz rulz, but ghey menz sux.
Submitted by GiggityGiggityQuagmire (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"And when I'm done, I just put it away. I don't have to tell it I love it, I don't have to cuddle, and I don't have to listen to it snore."
Aside from the "I don't have to listen to it snore" part, I don't think that you really HAVE to do any of the others with most guys. If you want a physical relationship with a guy with NO emotional attachment, then you never have to tell him you love him, and cuddling isn't REQUIRED, its usually enjoyable for everybody though.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound fatter than hell.
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh...chicks with dildos are cool. I like the "clit slapping beaver" part of the dildo that you described.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i'll bet you're a hefty gal.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fair enough
it's odd, but women using dildos seems somehow appealing and erotic, or even sophisticated.
but men using cunt machines seems rther embarrasing
Submitted by MIll8178 (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Great! Now when I tell you to go fuck yourself, you actually can!!
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Guys can just beat off and they dont have to spend $100 on a date and put up with some whiny whore in order to get to second base if he's lucky. FUCK OFF
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A Dildo can't love you.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43000
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and yes, I did rate myself, fuck it.
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S A FUCKING EXPRESSION!!!!!!!! GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really should -2 you because you didn't buy me anything, but whatever. I was entertained.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:21:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
that first sentence killed my curiousity. If you think that nothing good has happened since sliced bread, you are a fucking moron.
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i second this notion.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
that first sentence killed my curiousity. If you think that nothing good has happened since sliced bread, you are a fucking moron.