It's A Talent of Mine (1548 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.66 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jo of the Golden P <lindserella.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-04 20:38:59 EST
I can't feel my limbs. I tell my best friend to hurt me, but he won't, so I bash my arm on the table until I bruise and he holds me so I can't move. It's too much. He's whispering in my ear and people at other tables are trying to look at me without being obvious about it, the florescent lights are flickering and I still can't feel my limbs.
"The nerves are dead. Don't let them cut off my arms, no one wants to have sex with an amputee. Does my skin look blue to you? Dead flesh is supposed to be blue," I mumble.
"Fucking Christ, no now," André says. "Drink your tea and be normal, I need to finish my history paper."
He's in love with me. I'm not in love with him, but I need him, so I try to act normal. I'm not sure, but I think it means not to do things that make everone turn and stare like they're trying not to. It means be not crazy.
"Please stop that, people will think I beat you," André tries to joke when he notices I'm pushing the tines of my fork into my dead arm. "Eat your muffin," he says, taking away the fork. "Please, Nat, please, just eat the damn muffin. Fuck, it's like talking to a four-year-old." He turns back to his textbook. I know when I stop functioning like this it's draining for him, and I would apologize, but I don't want to start something stupid.
"I'm sorry I suck so much." I can't help it, I need him to know I know I'm a pain. "Let's not go to Powell River anymore, then I'll be okay. It's those people, and Derrick, who make me weird," I offer.
"Hmmm..." he responds. He doesn't look up, and it's his sign that I'm only addressing the symptoms, not the problem.
"Or, or, or, we could..." I'm grasping, "...I could go back on Seroquel." I'm hoping he'll say that's a dumb idea. Seroquel is an anti-psychotic medication I used to take. It's supposed to take away the urge to harm yourself or others, but really it's like a strong tranquilizer, it just makes you too tired to do anything about them. I stopped taking it about five months ago because I got too tired to remember if I'd taken one already. If I accidentally overdosed, they'd class it as an "attempt" and make me go back to the hospital. But if André thinks it will make me normal-seeming, I'll figure something out.
"Uhhh...Seroquel. I'm thinking no," he says, extracting himself from the 1800's to look at me. "How about going back to Dr. Podlewski? Or better yet, just tell Derrick to fuck off and die. I'll go with you," he offers, "And then we can buy Twix bars and shove them in his gas tank when he isn't looking," he continues.
I laugh and the tension is gone. André is a genius at making me laugh. I take a bite of my muffin and he goes back to scribbling from his textbook. At least I won't have to go back on Seroquel.
I fuck everything up. It's a talent of mine. It was perfectly serene: I had my tea and my muffin and a book my teacher recommended to me. André had his pretentious nonfat latté and poppyseed bagel and his history paper. Then I have to go and say it.
"André, why am I so screwed up? I mean, I know why, but lots of people have shitty childhoods and they don't think their arms are dead. They can be in a relationship without scaring the other person. Why is my crazy so much more crazy than other people's?" I don't usually say so many words in a row that are that coherent.
He sighs. He doodles a house. He sighs again. "Because you're Natalie. Those other people probably got a chance to see what normal looked like at some point. All you've had to emulate is me, and I'm hardly the poster child for well-adjusted and stable," he tells me. He's right. I don't spend enough time around other people to know how to behave. Not only am I crazy, I'm socially retarded.
André sighs and looks more concerned than usual. A minute ago, he was happily doing his homework; now he's worried I'll do something weird again.
I fuck everything up. It's a talent of mine.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-31 15:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was prepared to hate this, but I thought it was great.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautifully written.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-21 03:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The follow up rant was amusing too, yet I completely disagree with him.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-21 03:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright then.
*gives +2 and backs away*
-------------------------------------
that pretty much sums it up
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-21 02:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was wonderful.
banga
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-03-21 02:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok this was really good.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-13 00:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-03-13 00:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i cant believe i missed this
Submitted by static416 (user info) at 2005-03-07 00:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For my reasons stated in this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/61363
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-06 00:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice work
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-05 23:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Neat. I especially like the thought of shoving Twix bars in that certain person's car ;).
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-05 14:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-05 14:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very Nice.
That is all.
-Dave
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-03-05 13:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-05 05:40:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a masterpiece of writing!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-05 05:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a masterpiece of writing!
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-03-05 02:34:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Completely awesome.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
real fuggin' good
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:40:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-05 00:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was one of the better things I've read on Ubersite in some time. Good show.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-03-04 23:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:14:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to comment on how easy you make it to relate to the characters in such a short space. Then I realized that I, rather fortunately, can't relate to Natalie at all. And I could have related to André all too well with nearly no knowledge about him at all. So that kind of kills that comment.
====
I, on the other hand, relate to Natalie a little too much for my own comfortability.
My silence is masked by what Snark said.
Very, very well done.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-04 22:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to comment on how easy you make it to relate to the characters in such a short space. Then I realized that I, rather fortunately, can't relate to Natalie at all. And I could have related to André all too well with nearly no knowledge about him at all. So that kind of kills that comment.
Anyway, this was still an excellent post. Like Snark said, it's like a snapshot. It's just a great scene that stands alone without any help or forced message or motive, but it's still capitivating. Well done.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was super!
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:23:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the best things on Uber in months.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was nice. It kinda had a more mellow feel to it, like you weren't trying to force your writing down our throats.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-03-04 21:09:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Jo.
Just Wow.
I can't tell you how much I loved this.
This is one of the most deserved +2's I've given out in a long time.
I loved the flow and the concept and the way it feels like a perfect little snap shot out of time. Like it's not trying to answer any questions. It just is.
Thank you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright then.
*gives +2 and backs away*
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-03-04 20:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get so down on yourself. Arm numbness sucks, but you're still living and breathing, right?