Banking Backfire - Stupid excuses for Stupid people (1005 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sphagnum (View user info) at 2005-03-06 10:19:36 EST
I recently decided that it was time to open a new savings account with a new bank
and start afresh with a revolutionary new savings plan.
I attended the local branch and went through the somewhat irritating process of opening a new
account. Standard lines such as "you realise we also handle superannuation" and "have you ever given
any consideration to life insurance" were bandied about like every person who ever opened an account
with this bank was completely unaware that it was just like every other financial institution on th
planet.
After mistakenly answering yes and yes to these two questions, the probing and propostioning began to try and get me signed up, Lucky for me I had actually worked with this particular bank in their insurance section when I was just out of high school, so I politely explained that I knew how it worked and being a single working Male there was little or know need for me to have any of the insurances that they offered.
After about 30 minutes of "features" and "benefits" rhetoric my account was opened and I was on my way.
One week later and after a lengthy discussion with my financial advisor (Dad) I decided that the best way to handle this account was through the use of phone and internet banking. Due to the hours that I work it would be difficult for me to go through this proccess as I would be sleeping during the hours that the banks are open, So I asked my financial advisor to do it for me.
"What if they ask me a question and I don't know the answer?" he asked
After all these years you would think that if they asked a question that he didn't know the answer to, then there was a big chance that I wouldn't know the answer either. However I suggested in my infinite wisdom that should they ask a question that he did not know the answer too, he should just tell them that he is actually my father and that I have a problem with hearing and therefore don't use the telephone, and then he could call me and ask me the question and continue from there.
Thinking that this would never eventuate, I thought no more of the Karmic rewards I would have to endure for being so insensitive.
The following day I was awoken by the telephone and when I picked up, I was confronted by the panicked voice of my father
"They want to know what the account number is for your other bank account (note: This account is with another financial institution and therefore is hardly relevant, however when this issue was raised by my father the operator passed it off as "just another device to make sure you are who you say you are."
In my sleepy haze I thought no big deal and gave the number to him so the process could be completed.
On Friday, I went into the branch to pick up my new cheque book and make a deposit into the new account, When I arrived I handed over the deposit with a deposit slip and stood in anticipation as the clerk punched the numbers into the computer to get my details up and proccess the deposit and issue me with my new chequebook. As she finished punching in the numbers a concerned look came over her face and she held up her hand and asked me to hold on for a moment.
I stood confused for the best part of 10 minutes thinking ridiculous things like, maybe they think I'm a robber, or maybe the money is counterfeit, you know how it is.
After what seemed like eternity she returned with another more senior looking woman in tow. The woman looked me over briefly and then began to explain that the chequebook was not ready to be collected yet and that they were terrbily sorry for the inconvenience but would make arrangements to have the book mailed to me when it arrived. The whole time while she spoke she was waving her arms around in what could only have been a form of sign language. I resisted the urge to laugh at the octopus impersonation that she was performing and was stunned by the look I received when I addressed the other clerk who had started helping me and said
"That's fine, I'll just make the deposit and leave then."
"Is something wrong?"
The two women moved out of earshot and began talking to each other, the big woman returned and said
"Sir, we have on our records that you are deaf and that one of our phone operators opened your telephone banking account with a third party due to this fact. Is this the case or has there been a mistake?"
I almost died.. How can one small untruth come back to judge and humiliate you so mercilessly when you least expect it
Being a man of remarkable common sense I gathered that if you knew fluent sign language and were confident enough to use it with complete strangers in a working environment then there was a good chance that it was because someone very close to you was hearing impaired.
Without wanting to get even further in the shit I decided to just fess up and say that I only used the excuse so that the operator would allow my father to activate the facility in my absence and that I meant know harm or offense
With a look that made balls turn instantly to raisins this woman moved in close and said
"Feigning an illness or disability to make life easier and more convenient is the maneuver of a (and I quote) 'Sanctimoniously parasitic cunt!'" (Whatever that means, the last word I understood)
While this was going on the first operator had completed my transaction and was holding a deposit slip out with a look of absolute disgust on her face. I quickly grabbed the slip off her and turned to the Octopus with the foul mouth showed her the only sign language I know (the one finger salute)
and left the bank, embarrassed but a little wiser and with ego intact.
I obviously now need to find a new branch without the obvious hostility that I can attend in future and will also need to call and advise the operator that I don't have a hearing problem and can this please be removed from my records.
I got what I deserved....
User Reviews
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-04-08 17:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-08 14:53:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Stupid prick, you obviously didn't read it!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-08 14:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-24 11:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you don't find this story amusing there is something wrong with you!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-16 13:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61565
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-03-08 01:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been guilty of telling a little lie to get ahead or to avoid doing something. Thankfully, I haven't really been caught in them.