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Submitted by Clara (View user info) at 2005-03-07 20:39:29 EST
the day after i stuffed my first letter to god into the wet mossy gap of that old oak i ran the whole way home from school. there was a faint humming of blood that pumped through my ears while i ran, my chest heaved like a baby bird's and my feet made hollow thudding sounds on the dry ground. i don't even remember approaching my house; i seemed to arrive instantly at the mailbox. i took in a huge gasping breath and opened the little hinged door----nothing. i dragged myself up the driveway and practically fell through the front door.
"Clara! What in the world have you been doing?" My mother turned down the stereo and the recorded male voice droned on as a subtle bassline to her treble screetching. "You look like you've been chasing elephants...is something wrong? I will march right back up to that school and we'll confront them right now. I am not going to stand by and see you treated this way anymore!" her face looked soft and concerned, but her arms were crossed in front of her breasts. It was the pose she often assumed. dad called her "big bertha" when she stood that way, arms folded across her full bosom, sqeezing in against herself. The stance made it hard to tell that she had a narrow waist and a feminine form. All you saw was this big flat wall. Mom stuck out her chest and peered at me from behind the fortress of her arms.
i didn't say anything. i looked down at the floor. i heard her sigh and glide back toward the kitchen. now that i had caught my breath i realized that the house smelled so thick with brownies that i wanted to chew on the air and suck the sweetness from it. i guessed it was understandable if it took god a day or so to get back to me. he's very big and busy, after all. i put down my schoolbag and tiptoed into the living room. the deep voice on the stereo was still speaking, but now the volume was so low that the sound gave the impression of secrets. i leaned in close to hear.
"Visualize cool water flowing from that river down over your abdomen, down over your ovaries, filling your whole pelvis with light and healing. Feel the water flushing out all of the fears and all of the tension, feel that something is beginning to blossom there in its place, blossom like--"
the hypnotic voice stopped suddenly and i saw my mother's shadow.
"Go to your room and play, Clara. I'll call you down when the brownies are finished baking."
i lingered on the stairs for a moment. a peek around the bannister revealed my mother slumped over the sink, slowly licking out the brownie bowl. she moved her hands slowly, like drawing out the poison in a beesting.
it was the first time i had seen my mother eat chocolate.
that night, after she turned down the lights and said prayers with me, she rested her hands on my toes while she sang my goodnight hymn. her voice was almost as low as the man's from the stereo recording, but softer and more alluring.
"A mighty fortress is our God
A bulwark never failing
Protecting us with staff and rod..."
i imagined that her long fingers were still dripping with wet chocolate and that the deep brown velvet was pouring up my legs and into my hip sockets. with two of her secrets exposed, she seemed less like a fortress and more like a fairy tale.
"His power all prevailing..."
she bent toward me and moved to kiss my forehead as was her custom but i put up my hand to stop her. something was forming just beneath the surface, some idea of god, a clue about where to look next. chocolate swirling with the heaves of my chest and the sound of low voices, love secrets... her kiss would have been a detraction---distraction... and i barely noticed that she shrank from the room like a scolded dog and slipped back down the stairs, back down to secrets accumulated from centuries of womanhood that my boyish body had yet to inherit.
User Reviews
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-03-21 17:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-08 10:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm still following this series but must admit I find this installment a little less interesting than the first. Keep them coming though!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-03-07 20:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man I could go for some brownies right about now...
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-03-07 20:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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