Psychology of a haircut. (3272 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: psychology
Rating: 1.78 on 109 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AJ <uberaj.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-07 21:40:33 EST
"I need a haircut," I say to Rita as we stand idly behind the counter at work. I wait for her reaction.
"Yeah, you do," she says with a grimace that tells me, "I didn't want to be the one to say it, but..."
Fair enough. Haircut it is. I never know when it's time to get one. I always analyze the pros and cons of everything. I look at the purpose of the individual item or act and ask, "Is it worth it?" I do things to make myself happy. That's my main drive. But I also do things to make other people happy. I've found myself performing the latter almost disproportionately these days. I used to think, "Do these pants fit? Good. I'll take them." Twenty bucks at Wal-Mart and I'm out the door. Now I think, "Do these pants fit? Good. DO THEY MAKE ME LOOK RETARDED? Okay." Forty to fifty dollars later, and they're shipped to my house from American Eagle or some other cliché place.
So I'm getting a haircut. I pull into Wal-Mart's parking lot and watch the people hustle and bustle by. It's 50 degrees colder today than it was yesterday. Yesterday I didn't mind Iowa. Yesterday made me look forward to today, which is unusual for me. Let down again. One woman starts running behind her shopping cart full of cans and almost trips. I wonder if I would've stopped to help her if she fell. Probably not. It's cold and I need a haircut.
Maybe I should take my cans back. The cases full of empties have kept my trunk full for well over two months. There's probably a good twenty dollars in there. But taking back cans doesn't make me happy. The money I get from the taking back of the cans makes me happy, but not the act itself. I'll let them gather dust longer. But I sure would like those twenty dollars. Four more hands of blackjack. Or almost a full two haircuts. Or about eight package-of-Hostess-Cupcakes-and-Code-Red-Mountain-Dew combinations. Which is about eight more opportunities to flirt with the clerk who works there. Or almost a full tank of gas.
Maybe I'll take the cans back and get the Cupcake/Code Red combo. But not tonight. I don't think she works tonight. Tomorrow. I'll go back there with my twenty dollars and an empty trunk and stomach and a new haircut and I'll see her and smile and pay my $2.50 and flirt with her a little bit. She notices when I get a haircut and it makes me smile. I like to think that I help alleviate her boredom with working nights during the week at an unpopular gas station in East Central Iowa. Why don't I ask her out? I'm not sure. I don't want to be one of "those" guys. The guys that hit on waitresses and bartenders and gas station clerks and cashiers at Best Buy and any young pretty girl with ample bosom and non-flat ass that has a commonplace job in America. I hate those guys and it would make me unhappy to be one. But she'll notice my haircut and we'll both smile and she'll look at me, perhaps expectantly, and I'll take my change and my Cupcakes and my Code Red and I'll flash her a smile as I walk out the door.
I bought a lottery ticket the other day. I don't know why. Well, I do know why, but I'm loathe to admit it. I was being one of those guys. I just turned 21. I went to the gas station and I picked up my Code Red, my Cupcakes, and I walked up to the counter and we talked about the weather and she just got a haircut "oh you think it looks nice, thank you *blush*." Then I asked for a Powerball ticket and showed her my ID and "oh happy birthday, I hope you didn't get too drunk LOL." So I get my Powerball ticket. I'm not a gambling person, though. I'll play blackjack because odds are I'll break even or not lose much because odds are I know what the odds are. Unless I'm drunk.
Nevertheless I never play the Powerball because I am never going to live long enough to buy the 65 million combinations. Even if I could the chances on that particular night that I'd hit the right combination are well, 65 million to 1. I don't like those odds. It would be nice with the modern conveniences of the interweb to form a secret society of some 30 million people. Those 30 million people could network together and each buy four Powerball tickets every week. Each of those 30 million would have a specific number set delegated to them to buy. Every Wednesday and every Saturday they would buy their two number sets and then every week two people would win. I imagine it would be hard to keep such a society a secret, though. The Iowa Lottery would catch on and it would all be over. Plus it would be hard to round up 30 million people in the 20-some odd states and DC that all play Powerball and get them to be honest and play nice. But this isn't about the psychology of a lotto ticket, this is about the haircut. I got it because she notices and it's nice when someone notices.
It's cold tonight. If I got my haircut yesterday it wouldn't have been cold and I would've walked around feeling particularly confident and my head would have been perfectly warm. I'm not looking forward to walking out of here with a short head of hair when the wind-chill is ten degrees. It's not busy in the Cost Cutters or Great Clips or whatever the place is called and there are three girls sitting around chatting and not doing anything. They all look out the window and see me coming in and all three are quick to get to their feet but I can read their lips and I know they're arguing over who's going to have to give me my haircut. They probably think I don't tip. I look younger than my age and that age is young enough as it is. So I'm a young guy with no money and "I did the last cheapskate it's your turn." "Fine." And I hear them wrap up their conversation quickly as I enter the door and the little alarm goes, "bee-boo."
I mosey up to the counter because I like to mosey and she asks immediately for my number. This gal is not the type for foreplay I can tell. So I give it to her and she says, "Okay, Anthony, have a seat." I don't like when people use my name and I don't know them. It creeps me out. If I didn't give you express implied consent (telling you what my name is) don't call me by it. Same holds true for the people who read it off my shirt at work. Calling me by my name without introducing themselves first. But I think it's just a double-standard. We want to know other peoples' names without having to give up anything of our own. I try not to do it, but I know I do.
So I take my coat off and hang it up neatly and I sit down at the chair after almost tripping over another because the fat chick in the corner was sitting in it and didn't bother to turn it around after she got up to not give me a haircut. I laugh it off and sit in the chair and she drapes the black linen thing on me and buttons it at the back. But she didn't put the stretchy white toilet-paper looking thing around my neck. I'm going to be scratching later. But I don't want to be one of those needy obsessive-compulsive cunts with the nasally voice that complains about not getting the stretchy thing or some other similar thing in a similar situation. It doesn't really do much, but it's a comfort thing. Terror Level Orange-type thing.
So I say, "1/4 inch on the back and sides and a little longer on top" but I know that "a little longer on top" means different things to different people so she's going to leave it more than the little longer I like on top and I may have to correct her according to how much longer than a little longer it is. Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz and I watch as the hair hits the black linen, relieved to find that there is no dandruff or any other gross flakey white things coming off my scalp onto the ever-revealing black linen. They use it so they can nail me and suggest dandruff shampoo or a different shampoo that doesn't dry out my scalp or a different method of massaging my cranium so I don't have the little white flakeys. It's embarrassing when it happens, but not today, fuckers. I bought your fancy-shmancy shampoo that's normally 20 bucks but you had a sale for five and even though it worked I'm not going to give you cunts the satisfaction of knowing that.
The lighter-colored hair around my temples always seems to be the first to hit that black fabric. It's unusual because it's usually the last place that gets buzzed. But maybe I just notice it more because it's of a different shade than my normal hair. I wonder what it will look like if and when I go gray because I think it's going to be a different shade than the rest and that's going to catch my attention again. But I shouldn't worry about that for awhile because my mom is 50 and doesn't have one gray hair and my dad didn't start graying until he started dying. And I don't want to think about any of those things just yet. I hope I die before I go gray so that if and when someone comes to my funeral they'll marvel at my youth and wish for it themselves. No one likes being an ugly corpse so if I do go gray maybe it'll be closed-casket. I hate makeup.
So she's buzzing away and asks me what I'm doing out and about that night. And I resist the urge to tell her that I'm getting a haircut because she obviously knows that and is just trying to be friendly. But maybe she isn't. Maybe she just wants a tip. Here's one... shut the fuck up and cut. But I tell her about how I just got off from work and "oh where do you work" and I tell her and she seems uninterested but it's okay because so am I. So I tell her about my trip to Vegas because I don't want to seem uninteresting but I stop short of telling her that I'm meeting a bunch of people from the internet because I don't want to seem weird. Even though I am. But what's normal? Nevermind that, this is about the haircut. Not about what's normal or weird. To me, being neurotic is normal.
Neurotic. That's a word people like to throw around to make themselves feel smart. But once you know the word it's hard to lay off it because you know what it means and every other word for the same description just seems so damned inferior and you want people to think you're smart. Like "aesthetics." I used that word at a homeshow trying to sell a spa to a guy who obviously wasn't real interested just curious. He says, "What's that thing there for" I say, "aesthetics" and he says "Is that like Novocain?" and I say, "No, that's anesthetics." "Well what's aesthetics? You a college boy or something?" And I laugh because I can tell he's giving me shit but he probably secretly resents me or thinks college makes you soft or a Nancy-boy or something and maybe it does but I say "It looks nice," with a 'Ya dig?' sort of look and he nods and asks his next question out of curiosity.
But I'm neurotic. I realize this. She's done with the buzz buzz buzz and I close my eyes as she turns away because I realize that she's going to get the spray bottle and her short, stubby little hands won't be able to shield my eyes from the water because I've got a huge forehead. I feel sorry for any and all future kids of mine and any future wife/girlfriend's birth canal. So she sprays and of course it hits me in the eyes. I keep them closed because there's nothing more stupid-looking than a half-finished haircut. It's not like a half-full half-empty type thing, either. There's no plus side to a half-finish or a half-ass. No silver lining.
So back to the neurosis. I shake my left leg when I'm nervous. I don't know why, I just do. I lift my heel and tap tap tap tap tap ever so slight and pretty fast. That's if I don't care that people see. I once got called Thumper and it embarrassed me so I started stopping with the tap tap tapping and switched over to a different thing on the left leg. I flex my left calf now. I don't know why, I just do. It's like the tapping, only you can't see it. I think about it every now and again and think, "why not the right?" so I flex the right and it just doesn't feel the same or give me the same relief. I've developed Masturbator's Calves. So I keep flexing and she keeps snipping and I think about how I'm going to have to come up with a new neurotic little thing to do once it comes time to start wearing shorts because with my Masturbator Left people are going to be able to tell when I flex it and then they'll start calling me Flexor or Buffy or something equally stupid and spiteful.
Initial snip snip snip is done, so she starts with a drag snip snip drag snip snip. Is my head really jerking to the left as she does it? I can't tell and I'm not going so I look in the mirror, I mean really look because I've been staring at it the whole time but never really looking so I look to the mirror and I can't tell because my eyes are tired and I'm jerking away at my left calves' tendons. What is it about the left? Maybe it's why I voted for Kerry but I'll probably vote for the Republicans in our gubernatorial race because there's no one on the left that even knows where they stand because it sure ain't the right place to stand. Limbo.
So she's done with the drag snip snip and I'm think I'm done worrying about the head jerks and then she cuts along the front so I tense up at the calf again and keep my big bobble-head as straight as possible because the last woman who cut my hair cut it wrong and it looked like I was leaning completely to the right when she cut it straight. So I hold still and shut my eyes because I don't want to see the scissors or concentrate on whether or not my head is 100% level because I'll probably try and compensate one way or the other and it'll look stupid again.
So she finishes with the front and asks if I want the "sideburns" off. I don't have sideburns; it's just the hair growing down as it gets a little longer. My brother is 30 and still can't grow 'em so I don't have much hope that I'll turn out any different. My uncle Frank is 55 and I don't think he's ever shaved his moustache because I think that he'd never be able to grow it back again before he dies. So I tell her to take them off because it would look really stupid if she didn't and I can't have that. Not for me, of course because I don't care if I look like an ass but other people do. No one's going to buy a spa from a shaggy 16-year old looking kid with wispy sideburns and bad complexion.
So she finishes and asks me if it looks okay and I suppose her bit longer than my little bit longer is not that much longer and I tell her it looks okay and she puts gel in it and I can see the pieces of hair sticking to her hands that could've been prevented if she just would've run a comb through it again and it makes me laugh because I think of the black guy in Spaceballs that's combing the desert with the afro pick. Racial epithets always make me laugh. There again with the really weird words. But I wouldn't know what to call them anymore because I've stricken the inferior words out of my vocabulary but maybe I should get out the thesaurus because I do live in Iowa where aesthetics are purdy thingies.
So I get up and I grab my coat and then she says the amount and I give her the 20 and get my 6.40 back and I think about how I'm going to bring a dime with me next time so that I can get two quarters back but I probably won't next time because I hate dimes and they get stuck in my wallet. Then she gives me a dollar off coupon for next time and makes the whole thing moot because the tax will be different and now I'm going to have to figure out what kind of change I'll need to bring to make sure I get the maximum amount of quarters. So I walk out and she tells me to have fun on my trip but I can tell she doesn't mean it because I didn't give her a tip. I feel bad for a second, but then I realize that if it didn't look like it cost 13.60 that maybe I'd give her a tip because then it would be worth more. Not to me of course, but to the people who derive some sort of morbid satisfaction or fascination with how good my hair looks.
My neck itches. If she would've put the stretchy toilet paper looking thing there it wouldn't itch but now I'm scratching it raw. And I know someone's going to see me scratching and tell me I'm turning my neck red when in reality it's just an ugly birthmark that I've had forever. I'm tempted to let my hair grow into a Jesus-do because that will hide the birthmark but then Jesus was never a hot tub salesman.
So I'm driving home and there's a guy in a big truck in front of me veering in our lane and it's windy but not that windy so I don't know why he's veering because it's too early to be drunk and it's also a Monday. He's got a plate that says WB0JIU and I'm trying to figure out what that would spell or signify but I can't put a finger on it so I realize it must be an inside joke or a personal thing. I wonder why people get the personalized plates. Is anyone really going to roll down their window and talk to them because of their plates? Although again that brings up the debate of weird vs. normal and I know I'm in no position or mood to get into that but I think that if there were a license plate that could fit "I have big tits and I put out" on it that I would probably go through the effort of chatting at a stoplight. But this isn't about the psychology of the personalized license plate. This is about the psychology of the haircut.
See you next month.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-06 15:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:48:39 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
=(
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-12 08:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-03-10 22:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah this is a good'n.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-10 15:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So she's buzzing away and asks me what I'm doing out and about that night. And I resist the urge to tell her that I'm getting a haircut because she obviously knows that and is just trying to be friendly. But maybe she isn't. Maybe she just wants a tip. Here's one... shut the fuck up and cut."
---
HA!
Fantastic. Thanks for playing.
Submitted by bigfish (user info) at 2005-06-19 00:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aj plagiarized this from http://www.tubgirl.com
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-18 23:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SEEK
HELP
TALL
MAN
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-10 17:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit AJ, I really like this.
You are, however, still as gay as a snake.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-05-14 23:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was so much good stuff in here. Good work.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-14 22:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-04-07 01:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Megabats constitute the suborder Megachiroptera within the order Chiroptera (bats). They include the single family Pteropodidae. Often they are called fruit bats or Old World fruit bats.
While the microbats are distributed over all continents (excluding Antarctica), the megabats live only in tropical areas of Asia, Africa and Oceania. Not all megabats are large: The smallest species is just 6 cm long and thus smaller than some microbats. But the gigantic flying foxes are 40 cm long and have a wingspan of 150 cm. These giants are almost 1 kg in weight. Most megabats have large eyes enabling them to orient in the twilight and inside lightless caves. The sense of smell is excellent as well. In contrast to the microbats the megabats don't use echolocation though one species is the exception, the Egyptian fruit bat Rousettus egyptiacus which used high pitched clicks to navigate in caves.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-03-30 16:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I READ ALL THAT?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-30 15:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's bring this back for a bit.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-15 09:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the responses on here are fabulous
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 09:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant that people are born with the ability to COMMUNICATE IDEAS CLEARLY.
Not have the ideas.
Any cunt can do that.
FAKEY MCFAKE.
Step to you?
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
You humourless cunt.
FAKE FRAUD FAKE FRAUD.
What are you going to do about it fakey?
Threatening me on a website.
Puhthetic.
Submitted by ETS (user info) at 2005-03-14 01:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:45:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:04:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:05:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post dude.
Oh and ETS is a little bitch.
The problem with him is he thinks he is more intelligent than he actually is. Repulsive really.
------------------
I'm more intelligent than you, Apollo. Of this I am certain.
Wanna mentally spar or somethin? We can be like yoda and darth vader...
The problem with most of you fuckers on this site is that you're all too busy sucking each other's cocks to make your own determinations on what you like and what you don't.
You for instance, Apollo, spend more time trying to suck up to the uberbitches than you do composing posts. And don't give me some shit about how many fucking hits you have, because I honestly don't care, and besides, that's less a measure of your intellect than it is a measure of your peers' stupidity.
You're all a bunch of sheep. Difference between you and me is: I KNOW I am a sheep, and have accepted it... None of you even seem to know what you are."""
When have I ever mentioned hits? Ever?
I haven't.
As for the accusation that I spend more time joking around on Uber than posting then yes, that is correct. I use this place as a diversion from work and as a result have got friendly with some people on here. The majority of my 'work' is away from Uber.
As for 'I'm more intelligent than you, Apollo. Of this I am certain.' well, dear boy, that statement is self defeating. How can you possibly know that FOR CERTAIN?
Your pseudo-philisophical navel gazing posts bore me to tears. Not because of the subject matter (itchy/teephahah can have you for breakfast when it comes to philosophy) but because of the barely readable way you write them.
You see, you are born with it, it can't be taught, learned, or faked.
And you, sir, are a fraud.
How's that??!! Seriously though, no real beef with you, just thought you were being a bit harsh on old poly.
--------------------------
First, allow me to address exactly how I know I am more intelligent than you...
One line answer: I have read your stuff.
Secondly, when is the last time I wrote a philosophical post? Exactly what post would you be referring to, Mr. Bean?
Thirdly, what the fuck is this drivel about being 'born with' the aptitiude for philosophy? Philosophy, while not something everyone studies, is still something that every man practices whether he's aware of it or not. I find it very amusing and ignorant of you to think that any man's philosophy is fundamentally greater than anyone else's. The irony in that is enough to make me want to laugh hysterically in your face. You wanna know why I don't write philosophical posts? It's because I am weary of questioning. I have thought every fucking possible thought about the origins, the meaning, and the ultimate end of this mystery we call life over and over and over and over and over again until the paradoxical structure of my mind, and the mind of every being who has ever opened its eyes and gazed upon its own existence...and I am tired of it. I know what I am. I don't feel the need to tell everyone else anymore - unless you give me acid.
Fourthly, if I am such a fraud, then pray tell, exactly WHO have I defrauded? Who is it you think that I have duped into believing I'm something that I'm not? Where are these people that you are essentially INSULTING by calling them gullible halfwits? And in what manner have I gone about pulling off this mammoth task of defrauding an entire website, sir? Seems to me that would mean I was not only quite intelligent, but perhaps even a bit of a genius, wouldn't you say?
Also, who in the fuck are you...AJ's guardian? His protector? Although I can clearly see where he would need one if I ever got ahold of his scrawny neck, I just wasn't aware that you were it.
Lastly, don't you EVER fucking step to me and call me fake again. I will slap you down like the fucking bitch you are. If there is ONE THING in this life that I am not, it's a fucking fake. I hide nothing from you people. I have repeatedly poured my soul out on this website, which is why my shit is often sketchy and unpredictable at best. I am not a professional ANYTHING. Never have claimed to be. I am what I am - and that's not a fake. Don't you ever fucking call me one again... THEN we'll have no beef.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I shake my left leg when I'm nervous. I don't know why, I just do. I lift my heel and tap tap tap tap tap ever so slight and pretty fast."
Me too. Only I don't do it when I'm nervous. I just can't keep still. Ever. And I do with with both feet, one after the other, real fast. Like I'm doing double kick on a drum kit. Only I can't play the drums. Strange.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:19:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
I owe you a review too... Me and Jenny were looking at your latest yesterday on our brand new internet connection at home. I'm trying to get her hooked so she can understand why I'm such a geek at work. It's working too... forgot to rate yesterday so will go give you a big plus2 in the face now.
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Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:16:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just letting you know that yours will be the last Uber post I review until Monday.
GO VEGAS WOO!!!
I've reached the stage of the trip where I shake uncontrollably from excitement and lack of sleep.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Laadee daaaa.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-03-10 07:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best story about a hair cut ever, and I've read them all.
I'm a double calf flexer. Bad news, it is noticable.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:04:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:05:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post dude.
Oh and ETS is a little bitch.
The problem with him is he thinks he is more intelligent than he actually is. Repulsive really.
------------------
I'm more intelligent than you, Apollo. Of this I am certain.
Wanna mentally spar or somethin? We can be like yoda and darth vader...
The problem with most of you fuckers on this site is that you're all too busy sucking each other's cocks to make your own determinations on what you like and what you don't.
You for instance, Apollo, spend more time trying to suck up to the uberbitches than you do composing posts. And don't give me some shit about how many fucking hits you have, because I honestly don't care, and besides, that's less a measure of your intellect than it is a measure of your peers' stupidity.
You're all a bunch of sheep. Difference between you and me is: I KNOW I am a sheep, and have accepted it... None of you even seem to know what you are."""
When have I ever mentioned hits? Ever?
I haven't.
As for the accusation that I spend more time joking around on Uber than posting then yes, that is correct. I use this place as a diversion from work and as a result have got friendly with some people on here. The majority of my 'work' is away from Uber.
As for 'I'm more intelligent than you, Apollo. Of this I am certain.' well, dear boy, that statement is self defeating. How can you possibly know that FOR CERTAIN?
Your pseudo-philisophical navel gazing posts bore me to tears. Not because of the subject matter (itchy/teephahah can have you for breakfast when it comes to philosophy) but because of the barely readable way you write them.
You see, you are born with it, it can't be taught, learned, or faked.
And you, sir, are a fraud.
How's that??!! Seriously though, no real beef with you, just thought you were being a bit harsh on old poly.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'twas good.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dont feel so bad, its the only post Ive ever gotten onto most heated :P
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-10 02:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2005-03-10 00:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got bored and lost interest after the third line.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-09 23:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And if you want to read whatever amendments/addendums I put in but don't want to put your email up here for all of Uber to see you can shoot it to me via email. I'd be glad to send you any progress I make on it and hear your opinion etc.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-09 22:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie, I was hoping you'd weigh in on this. I've seen you lurking about. ;)
I may have to polish it up a little bit. I just sat down and went straight into the box. No spellcheck, no nothing.
The Voltaire quote is that one that goes, "I may not respect what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-03-09 22:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a really good post. It would make a good short story. Polish it up, submit it somewhere. Literary magazines eat this shit up. I'm not kidding, they love that first person, stream of consciousness shit. I read shit like this all the time in Writers and Poets magazine. Do the extra ten pages. Afterwards, if you want to send it to me, I'll read it.
Which Voltaire quote were you referring to?
If you go into the shop a lot, that should give you the opportunity to make conversation with the girl. It's true that most don't like being hit on at work. But if you go in there all the time then you should be able to make small talk. Small talk leads to real conversation. Real conversation leads to getting to know someone. Once you've gotten to know them, it's not a big deal to ask them out. It all depends on whether or not you can get over your initial shyness.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:05:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post dude.
Oh and ETS is a little bitch.
The problem with him is he thinks he is more intelligent than he actually is. Repulsive really.
------------------
I'm more intelligent than you, Apollo. Of this I am certain.
Wanna mentally spar or somethin? We can be like yoda and darth vader...
The problem with most of you fuckers on this site is that you're all too busy sucking each other's cocks to make your own determinations on what you like and what you don't.
You for instance, Apollo, spend more time trying to suck up to the uberbitches than you do composing posts. And don't give me some shit about how many fucking hits you have, because I honestly don't care, and besides, that's less a measure of your intellect than it is a measure of your peers' stupidity.
You're all a bunch of sheep. Difference between you and me is: I KNOW I am a sheep, and have accepted it... None of you even seem to know what you are.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-09 18:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy- yes you're right, I do value people who are attracted to my personality, and I am uninterested in physical people.
And I thought a lot about your question, is there ever a guy that I want to have sex with or feel attraction to, based on LOOKS alone?
Nope.
I can see a guy and recognize that he is good looking, but the ATTRACTION will only start if I like things about how he acts and what he says.
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Also from Iowa- the 72 degree weather Sunday to the 32 on Monday morning was absolute shit. I don't mind the cold, but I wish that bitch mama nature would make up her mind.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this.
Haircuts are weird. Beware of the girl called Rachel.
-Dave
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA
That almost made me pee out my worm-width 15 inch penis, shandy. I'll be back later to argue with you some more, but I'm headed out of here to do some last minute shopping for Vegas.
Submitted by degree451 (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The phrase for this is "stream of consciousness" and it's very well done, reminicent of Brad Land and the like. Thanks for a great post.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:17:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Soooo long...
... but sooooo awesome.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post dude.
Oh and ETS is a little bitch.
The problem with him is he thinks he is more intelligent than he actually is. Repulsive really.
------------------
yeah guys hitting on you is repulsive if you don't fancy 'em right?
Fucking double standards.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
all of poly's talk about concern for the shopgirl's feelings is rot.
the real reason he hasn't fronted her is his anxiety over his penis.
he just confessed to me that although it is 15 inches long, it is only about the width of an earth worm. (in other words, it matches his body perfectly)
also, he confessed that he is not sure if he is ready for a relationship with a woman of his own age, because his relationship with a certain wellknown uberuser old enough to be his mummy has confused him.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked how this was written, so personable. I think I'd like to meet you sometime AJ.
ETS - really now, from stereotypical I'm better than you musician rants to internet tough guy threats? My aren't you a winner...
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Shandy on this one babe, if you think the girl's pretty, ask her out. If she says no, that's her choice. Just don't be a prick about it and you'll be fine.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-09 02:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well Shandy, that's the psychology of the dating approach. And this isn't about that. This is about the haircut. ;)
I'm glad this was pretty well received. I actually made a wager with Durae that this would get no more than six reviews, and aside from ETS acting his mental age I'm impressed, Uber.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
here's another thought poly:
even though you are a hideous gangly big-headed leg-twiddling cheap-jeans-wearing adhd-riddled freak, perhaps this shop girl would actually like it if you revealed your affection to her.
and perhaps your failure to do so has made her think she is unattractive. or perhaps she thinks that as a common shop girl, she is not good enough for you.
btw, when i say 'reveal you affection' i don't mean waving your cock at her in the shop. if you do that, i take no responsiblity.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:58:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shandy- In regards to your last reply, I have had that sort of notion, but it is something that you just don't act on. It's creepy. If that girl wanted to be picked up on she knows where to go, e.g. a bar or a nightclub. She doesn't need to deal with my bullshit while she's working.
---
what's wrong with you puritanical cutns?????
attempting to pick someone up is simply saying "i want to have sex with you"
isn't sex supposed to be a good thing?
obviously if you try to do thie picking up in a tasteless or aggressive or overly persistent way you are a bad egg, but otherwise surely it's just a compliment? a friendly gesture?
the only things that stops me tryign to pick up shop girls or girls in libraries or on busses is my fear. fear of rejection, and fear of being seen as the horrible sleasy perv.
also, i much prefer the look of the average girl in a library to the average girl in a bar.
i find the whole situation very sad.
Submitted by BedOfHog (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyles.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:58:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 08:41:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
As far as I can tell- and I gave up on this halfway through because it was putting me to sleep - you got a haircut.
And the piece you wrote about it took LONGER than the goddamn haircut.
BFD.
__________________
That's pretty fucking funny.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shandy- In regards to your last reply, I have had that sort of notion, but it is something that you just don't act on. It's creepy. If that girl wanted to be picked up on she knows where to go, e.g. a bar or a nightclub. She doesn't need to deal with my bullshit while she's working.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you seem to be suggesting that guys who value more that your appearance are apreciated, porn.
but don't you ever see a fellow who, without having spoken a serious word to, you find attractive?
has there never been a shop boy of some sort who you've looked upon and thought "i woldn't mind getting into his panties?"
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, Teeph... I gave in and clicked that little link thingy. I took not one, but two tests. The first gave me this...
Amen Clinic Adult ADD Test ©
Your results indicate that you may have adult ADD.
You may wish to take the ADD Subtype Checklist to evaluate your ADD tendencies.
Click here for the ADD Subtype Checklist
So then I clicked the thingy that said "Click here for the ADD Subtype Checklist" and got this...
ADD Combined Type May be possible
ADD Inattentive Type Not Probable
Cingulate System Hyperactivity Highly Probable
Limbic System Hyperactivity Highly Probable
Basal Ganglia Hyperactivity Highly Probable
Temporal Lobe System May be possible
I may email you the big chunk of words that came later so that you can read it and tell me what it means because there is no way I'm going to read all that. I'll write it, but I won't read it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy-
If it was called for, maybe it would be alright. Like today, for example, this guy came in, and he was asking about Irish music... So I recommended a few bands to him, and he complimented my knowledge (which is the quickest way to my heart), and mentioned that his band was playing on st. pattys day, and they were trying to put together an irish selection of music to play.
Then we talked a bit about his band, about what music we both liked, and then he said I should go "check them out" on st. pattys day, and "You can tell me what you think of us".
Now, that may very well NOT have been a pick-up or flirting or anything... but THAT was fine with me, and I was flattered that he thought I was smart and had good taste.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-08 21:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
now listen porn - how about if a brad pitt/george clooney lookalike (or whoever is your dreamboat) strolled into the store and made eyes with you in the most modest and charming way imaginable, then finally plucked up his courage and made some delicate, refined almost apologetic kind of approach - wokuld THAT bother you??
what you are really saying, i believe, is that you don't like men you find repulsive trygn to pick you up.
if you found the man beautiful and lovely, how could you object????
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-08 21:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god aj, you dont have add or adhd or anything.
You're normal.
Well, as far as normal goes these days.
I agree with Durae. Americans are too quick to try and label parts of their personality as "deviant" and then medicate the seeming abnormality out of them.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-08 20:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF??? I'M NOT READIN' ALL THAT!!!1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 18:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS- feel free to continue if it'll make you feel better, buddy. Use all your accounts if you want. They're just numbers on a website buddy. Keep proving me right.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you do not have fucking ADD and teephphah should not be running around RECRUITING for his little attention deficient club. Do not take some stupid internet diagnosis quiz, do not consider medication. You happen to have a working brain. One that thinks a lot in mundane situations (this sentence screams normal). GOOD GRIEF PEOPLE.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Existentalism, Mid-America stylee...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Through this whole thing, I couldn't stop thinking "I'd cut your hair for free, NOT in front of a mirror, WITH the stretchy thing, making retarded conversation and not caring about your bobble-head."
Which leaves me with just one retort.
I'm cuttingyour hair at RowanCon
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is why I like you Shlong - you are a seeker of knowledge.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The real surprise is that the damn thing ever goes DOWN.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you. As long as I know of the ramifications, I'm good.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
By the way, Shlongy, can you still even get it up at your age?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:53:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
How about if I call you a fucking dipshit to your face, Vengence...what's in store for me?
Goddamn idiot...
---------------------------
'Dipshi't is perfectly acceptable. 'Idiot' on the other hand might garner your geriatric ass an early convalescence.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How about if I call you a fucking dipshit to your face, Vengence...what's in store for me?
Goddamn idiot...
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't act suprised AJ. You know how this works. This is the point at which you let it go, or let it continue. Ball in your court.
Oh, and if you ever made the mistake of calling me a bitch to my face, little boy, it'd be the last one you made... Just for future reference. ;)
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:49:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, the revenge -2... you've always been a bitch, ETS.
Break out the alters, see if I care.
-------------------
As long as you keep asking, I'll keep obliging.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/addtests/adult.asp
Don't worry "Amen" is some doctor's name. This is the crappy online test that I took to sort of get the ball rolling. REAL ADD tests are nothing like it. At least the one I took wasn't.
Come . . . join ussssssssssss. . .
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear.
Actually, I don't think this is really an indication of your being ADD.
though this be madness, yet there is method in it
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:13:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh?
Sorry, I was day-dreaming about a Beavis & Butthead episode I last saw probably 8 years ago.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you have ADD.
The rambling style of this reminds me a lot of how my wife will go on and on when I come home from work, and had noone to talk to all day long. I also refer to that as lonesome dog syndrome.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course it doesn't have a point, Shlongy. It's not the point of getting the haircut, but the points behind the point. What drives people to do certain things and what they're thinking when they do them has always been a fascination of mine. That's why I like Bigmike's Diary of a Madman series so much. Why stop with "the sky is blue" when there's so much beyond that that makes for good reading?
What if this were about committing a murder or a rape or a robbery or something else? Would it be more interesting? Probably, but then again you and I have no knowledge of such things, so me writing that would be just a complex case of the blind leading the blind. Death and love and crazy anecdotes are easily written because they're something everyone has experienced. They've all been done before. Taking something so seemingly ordinary and mundane and expanding it into five pages of raw stream-of-consciousness will always be more interesting to me than a page and a half story about a really strange sexual experience or a top-ten list with quick-fire one-liners that doesn't do anything but alleviate five seconds of boredom and appeal to me on the mental level of a ten-year-old.
I'm not saying you have to like it because I am by no means a great literary genius... quite the opposite, in fact- but I'm just saying that there's a little more to it than perhaps you're seeing. But maybe this just isn't your cup of tea and you think the whole idea is stupid. That's okay, too. I've suddenly got the urge to put down that oft-used Voltaire quote, but that goes back to the whole "using words because they make you sound smarter" thing. And I'm rambling again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AJ- It wasn't that the post lacked the prerhequisite poop jokes and vagina...
It was TOO FUCKING LONG to go on without a punchline...or a point.
Keep the rambling solos to a mere 8 paragraphs and you'll be on to something.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm ADHD, but I don't want to go to a doctor to tell me for sure. I like flirting with the notion that something is wrong with me but never actually getting it diagnosed because no one likes to know when something is wrong with them. I'm lazy and random and I tend to put things off when I shouldn't. I can never seem to stick one thing through to the end.
----------------------------------------------------
Sooner or later you'll get all obsessed with the notion of having AD(H)D and you'll make it your mission like you made this haircut your mission.
And you're wrong about people not wanting to know that something is wrong with them. It's the other way around. People don't want to go to a doctor and have them say that there's nothing wrong with you. That would be embarassing. And even though you don't care what other people think, you can't get away from it.
I know. I've been there. Get help.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You actually wrote this FOR Shandy, didn't you? Or at least you were thinking about him a lot. There are reflections of Him all through it. But that doesn't make it any less great.
"Thor's" comments about "tapping into the source code" or whatever were spot-on, as were the ADD ones most likely. You might want to get that looked into. So far, Adderall is pretty kick ass. I'd recommend it to a friend.
Sunday was glorious around these here parts. Not so much yesterday or today.
Speaking of life in the "cuntry" I wrote a little something a Cuntry-boy like you MIGHT like. It is called Old Wisdom, if'n you get a hankerin to search for it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, that didn't take long.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, the revenge -2... you've always been a bitch, ETS.
Break out the alters, see if I care.
Submitted by ETS (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
2 eyes for an eye
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This better.
PS: I didn't read this either.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have ADD, I just focus on everything except what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
Har har. Made that one up m'self.
I think I'm ADHD, but I don't want to go to a doctor to tell me for sure. I like flirting with the notion that something is wrong with me but never actually getting it diagnosed because no one likes to know when something is wrong with them. I'm lazy and random and I tend to put things off when I shouldn't. I can never seem to stick one thing through to the end.
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:29:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for now.
I haven't finished reading it, but I'll get back to it.
You have ADD. I am positive. I would have read it all, but I'm waiting for my scrip to get refilled. Reading it is like being in my unmedicated head.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:27:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Having read this again this morning I keep thinking, "You moron, you left such-and-such part out that was just gold!"
This damn thing could've been ten pages long if my brain wouldn't have shut up.
Thor- Your third review and Corn_nugget's second sum it up pretty well. It may just be an Americanism, though.
Shlongy- I didn't expect this to be your type of post. Next time I'll try and throw in some dick and fart jokes and some tits and maybe a nice fertile vagina for you.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:10:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF..I'm not reading all that.
Just kidding! I got my hair colored and cut
the other day! $150.00 + tip. And that is a
deal.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-03-08 10:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to get a haircut today.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-08 10:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You could save a bunch of money on haircuts if you pick up an electric babrer's razor for like $20. But then again, you wouldn't have an excuse to have a random girl cut your hair.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy- I've never liked it, no matter what. I don't like this situation:
me: "hi, what can I help you find?"
them: "Find your number for me"
me: "hi, what can I help you find?"
them: "oh heeeeey... hi, my name is shane... what's your name, girl?"
me: "hi what can I help you find?"
them: (look up and down) "Mmm... how are you? Do you get a lunch today?"
Submitted by DickMcFeelyNuts (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bro, you're whacked, but it was entertaining.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 08:41:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As far as I can tell- and I gave up on this halfway through because it was putting me to sleep - you got a haircut.
And the piece you wrote about it took LONGER than the goddamn haircut.
BFD.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-03-08 06:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, i've just read porn't comments re. the hitting no shop girls
it must be the WAY they hit on her.
i'm sure if it was all done nicely she wouldn't mind.
and let's face it, if people never ever 'hit on' each other, there would be no rooting and no fun and no people, for that matter.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-03-08 06:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another plus 2 now that i've read it (shandy wouldn't approve of this barbarity of providing rankings, but he is out of the picture, sulking somewhere and nursing grievances)
this was very well sustained. you seem to have accessed some kind of direct source code printout from the center of your being.
remarkably subtle, too. the whole 'neurotic' thing was masterful.
but surely to god the girl of your dreams did not really say "LOL" ???
also, you say you DON'T want to be the kind of guy who hits on shop girls etc????
I dream of becoming that kind of guy, it's my ambition. Truly.
WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL, ANY GIRL, IS A NICE, GOOD THING.
True or false?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-08 01:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA, you said "bee-boo".
This was great. I do a bouncy thing with my left foot and people get pissed because it makes the ground shake.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-08 00:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome. It had the some with a shit ton of awe on top.
I started laughing with the "bee-boo" and didn't stop from there.
Banga
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-03-08 00:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got 8 inches taken off my hair today. I was expecting a delightful little romp with a crazy haircut. Instead, I was greeted with "American Splendor" simplicity.
Fuck.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-08 00:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you didn't tip her? wtf dude.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ, this kicked so much ass. I mean, it did kind of make you seem entirely autistic, but it was still good.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're fucking insane.
And I see WAY too much of myself in your writings.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pay no attention to the stoner behind the computer.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF??? I am reading this correctly? You get your hair cut at Wall Mart? God, there really isn't shit in Iowa, is there? Is that the local hangout too?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is your best post yet.
It's as if you let your literary gaurd down.
I hate when I get hit on at work. I HATE IT. I actually will go hide in the warehouse until the perv leaves the store. It's like they take my overly-friendlyness as interest... but no, I am overly friendly to you assholes because I WORK RETAIL.
Seriously, this was a good post. There were so many things that I loved about it, too many things to even recount here. The whole tone was just 'real', and I felt as if I was in your little gaurded brain.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually read this now. It's long, but it's worth the read.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well... there ya go.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for having a character called Rita
(haven't read this yet, child is pissing everywhere, will do so when possible)
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And....Durae wins again. Polywolly, you gotta get more trustworthy sources.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Durae wins!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a lor od honest, clean aj in this post. I like it.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
summary of this entire post:
polyamorousguyaj: because jesus wouldn't sell hot tubs to a redneck
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-07 22:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why...?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-07 21:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh wow. AJ wrote a decent freaking post.
Wonders will never cease.
I fucking hate you poly.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-03-07 21:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm too poor to get my haircut. I'm a shaggy mother-fucker.
I honestly think it's been a year since I got a haircut.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-07 21:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It looks like shit. What is it about the mirrors they have that makes it look good? Maybe it was just me not wanting to hurt feelings or maybe it's a chemical they pump through the room because my eyes always feel sort of strained and feel like crying but I don't cry so I think it must be the chemicals but it still looks like shit and I'm going to have to gel it just right. Not for me, but for everyone else.
And Shandy's going to be the only person to read this.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-07 21:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT!!!