Movies That Changed My Life : Major League (1387 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.71 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Ultimate Male (View user info) at 2005-03-07 23:32:39 EST
The term 'classic' is thrown around all too often these days but it was never more deserving than when it was bestowed upon the cinematic masterpiece known as Major League. Major League is the spellbinding, heart wrenching tale of a group of "has beens and never will be's" AKA the Cleveland Indians. In this movie, alot of stuff that doesn't really matter happens in the beginning but the result is some skank now owns the team and wants to move it to Florida. In order to facilitate this diabolical scheme she must make the team finish with such a poor record that she will be allowed to move it to Miami. To do this, the skank hires a bunch of actors before they were cool. Wesley Snipes is Willie Mays Hayes in the role that should have earned him a best supporting actor oscar. Tom Berrenger (Spelling probably wrong) is Jake Taylor, the catcher who wakes up with a sombrero over his wang in mexico when he gets called up to the Majors. Charlie Sheen is Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn and at no point in the movie is he banging Denise Richards (Nor does it appear he will ever again). Finally adding to this solid cast is Dennis Haysbert aka the President on 24 aka the big black guy from the Allstate "Swoop and Swat" commercials as Pedro Cerrano. The team bands together when they realize how much they all suck and end up forcing a playoff versus the Yankees who have the classic fat guy with a mustache who hits a homerun everytime he's up. The Indians defeat the Yankees in an epic battle that includes a white guy calling Wesley Snipes "Meat". Other key points of this movie are that Cerrano worships a doll named Jobu whom he honors by providing Rum at his in locker shrine. When one of the teammates steals the Rum, he gets his shit ruined by a errant bat to the head and is donkey punched to the ground. Other scenes include Tom Berrenger driving a helmet cart to Rene Russo's house to shag her. Wesley Snipes reading, as if that's possible. Charlie Sheen banging Corbin Bersen's wife and the Manager managing to look like the town drunk he should play in every movie that has a town drunk role.
All in all, I learned alot from this movie but the key points were...
Don't steal Jobu's Rum
Charlie Sheen banged Denise Richards more than you or I ever will
Dennis Haysbert is a large Black Man
Wesley Snipes is a small Black Man
Bob Uecker should have won some kind of award for his one liners as the announcer of the indians games
Skanks own baseball teams
Cleveland is in Ohio
User Reviews
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-07-27 02:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm literally at my computer as Major League quotes run through my head. Too many quotes.... can't pick just one.... AHHHH!!!!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Robocop changed my life.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AH,, seventeenth and thirty fucking top post, so this is a desrveed minus two!
Ok, justk idding, no minus two's tonighgt. Plus fucking seven for yoU!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Lesse, one run on one hit..... that's all we got, one goddamn hit?"
"You can't say GD on the radio"
"Ahh to hell with it, no one's listening anyway"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 11:38:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nice catch, Hayes...don't ever fucking do it again."
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-08 10:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for selecting a good movie
"Vaseline ball, hit to the short stop"
"Come on Dorn! Get in front of the damn ball, Don't give me this OLE bullshit!"
"Can I get back to you? I got a guy on the other line about some white walls."
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you trying to tell me that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uecker- "Vaughn, a juvenile delINquent in the off-season, in his major league debut....Here's the windup and the pitch....jussssssssssssssssssst a bit outside, he tried the corner and missed...ball four...ball eight....ball twelve...and Vaughn has walked the bases full on just 12 pitches. I don't know how these guys can lay off pitches so close."
"That ones hit toward South America..."
"Tonight's ballgame is brought to you by.....hell, I can't find it. The HELL with it..."
et.al.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your "review" is pretty much unintelligble, from what I can gather but +2 because Major League is a fucking funny movie, even if Tom Berenger throws like a broad.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The best part of the movie was after the VC's invaded, and Charlie Sheen shot Tom Berenger.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-08 09:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pedro Cerrano = President David Palmer? Well, paint me green and call me grass.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-08 08:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't gimme any of the 'ole' bullshit"
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-03-08 03:31:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They're still shitty.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 01:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If all movie reviews were like this I just might start reading movie reviews.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-08 00:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. I haven't seen this movie in forever, so you should have seen the wheels in my head turn in motion as I realized that Dennis Haysbert (I.e. the President on 24 )was Cerrano. This probably would have happened quicker had I read the body of the post first.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-08 00:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant that I'm going to pull it off my shelf in my room and put it in the VCR and watch it.
Nigga, please.
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:40:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
For the last line.
I'm going to watch that movie now.
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You haven't seen it yet? May God have mercy on your soul... You probably haven't seen Spaceballs or Robin Hood: Men in Tights either...
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a classic.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-07 23:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the last line.
I'm going to watch that movie now.