Hello Ubersite, this is my first post (1332 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: -0.73 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LekramQiebel (View user info) at 2005-03-08 12:05:10 EST
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lekram Qiebel. I am from Dock 655321, a few
light years away from the planet Earth. I don't want to go into too many details because
it's mostly boring anyway so I'll get right to my story.
I was hanging out in my old rusted Nolie Siel at the Dock as usual. There wasn't much
happening and I had run out of pleja so I was in desperate need of some entertainment.
I wasn't about to sit around for 12 quad cycles on my "goatse" so I decided to go for a
"spin" as your species seems to call it. We call it a hop and I really don't know where
you came up with "spin". I mean it's not like you're actually spinning. Anyway, I just
happened upon your Vex a month ago and I've been sort of hanging out here ever since.
You guys are fucked, as you would say. We've got some problems at the Dock
but your species appears to be quite mad. Some say Colony Master Melriff is a hardass but
he's not really so bad. For example, Melriff always makes sure there's plently of corogen
for the Qixians despite their political rivalry. Without corogen, a substance found
largely on Colony Master Melriff's birth planet of Coregenia I might add, the Qixians
die. It is much to them as the medicine you give to your dying although it's not
something I can explain in terms a Terran space virgin would understand. The whole
situation you've created for yourselves reminds me a lot of the Hikarian Mind Plague
in the Nelhi Vex a couple of quadrites ago.
But I digress.
So I decided to use my Ytelli9 (basically a universal translator) and my KelOid00
to tap into what you call the "Internet", Forgive me if it's not working entirely
but the languages you speak are all very different from our forms of communication.
Many of the translations are based off mathematical formulas proven by the various
Colony researchers years ago. The first site I found was this one, what you call "http://www.ubersite.com/", or simply "Ubersite". The Ytelli9 quickly informed me
that "Uber" was one of your ways of describing something of extreme importance or
power so I thought it was worth a shot. Oddly enough, I have a Meloi whose name
translates roughly to Uber, a Meloi being sort of like what you call a sibling.
There seemed to be a lot of human activity here so I figured I'd register and post
about my hop so far. The registration process is quite interesting I must say. I
had to get what is called a "Microsoft Network Passport" which as far as I can tell
is something required to travel outside of your own local Colony even electronically.
So I got my passport which was extremely easy all things considered and I registered on
Ubersite.
The Ubersite Colony Master, the one you call Bart, was very cordial in allowing me access
to his site so that I may speak to you all.
I've read all of what the citizens of the Ubersite Colony have said since its inception. Unfortunately, some of it just simply doesn't translate, at least until I do some major upgrades
on the Ytelli9. For example, the closest I've been able to translate the word "lollercaust" is
that it has something to do with candy, genocide, laughing or all three. The ones I have
been able to read gave me kind of a mixed image of your social structures and your species in
general. Being here a month I've had the opportunity to find out more than I need to about this planet from other information sources on the planet.
By the way, I've decided to name your planet Jytan XII afer my 3rd Guardian. Earth just doesn't translate well enough to be accepted by Melriff. We have a very strict and complex set of
rules for naming individually discovered planets, species etc. Again, I won't bore you with specifics.
Long story short, I very quickly learned how the political structure of the Ubersite Colony
works. It is apparently a Democratic Colony as any citizen can vote based on what appears
to be four numerical ratings either positive, negative or zero. Now that I'm a citizen
of Ubersite I thought I should make my first post the best one possible so I opened up the
advanced console of the Ytelli9 to figure out what post would elect me as a positive citizen
of Ubersite. The Ytelli9 told me that if I wanted to gain the votes of Ubersite's citizens, I should simply tell you the truth. After all, as far as I know, this is only about the fifth
time any foreign species has even entered the orbit of Earth and I'm pretty sure I've been
here the longest. Not to mention that the other ones didn't even bother to talk to you. The Ytelli9 reports confirmed that just telling you my story would be interesting enough to garner positive ratings if not possibly be in a high position of power in the Ubersite Colony.
So, this is my first post. I hope you enjoy my story. I'm still not sure how long I'll
be sticking around as I have duties to fulfill at home but not for another 4.5 quadrites which is very roughly about twelve Earth years. I'm just kind of hopping around looking for something interesting in the meantime. I think I may have found it in this planet.
Please let me know in your reviews of this post what exactly "lollercaust" means because it's
really been bugging me. All I need is a few fairly common references or word origin information
and the Ytelli9 should be able to do the rest. Also if you have any suggestions for places on
Earth to visit that I might not yet have been to I would be delighted to hear them.
Thank you again for your time. Now I've got to go see if there's any pleja in this place. That would be great. I haven't been able to detect any so I doubt there is but it's worth looking.
Sincerely,
Lekram Qiebel,
4th Assisant Chief Colony Advisor
Dock 655321
Post Scriptum - Don't worry about anal probes. The only species our Colony knows of that has ever done that while exploring and largely for their own entertainment I might add is the race of the Kax
Baal who are infamous for their brutality. Not to mention their fantastic pleja. The KelOid00
suggested I add a visual image to the post to increase the chance of a positive rating by about 20%
so I have done so.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fake post again. How dare you fuck up ubersite with this trash? Once again your writing is pitiful. When you post as a fake user at least try to change your writing style, dickhead. This is as bad as your other posts. I guarantee all the rest of your musings are equally as pathetic!
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:19:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate Star Trek, Star Wars, Star Jones, Star Markets, and ET, too.
seen E.T, and opportunity for a bit of linkwhoring - E.T getting head
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61188
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:39:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hello, this is not "GeeksofStartrek.com" this is Ubersite.....
The future is Uber.
*schwing your ass* -2 """
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
OH THE IRONY!
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:47:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That picture scared me :( Where's the men when you need them...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You look like Adam's wife.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have given you a +2 but your mask of horrors made me pee my new underwear.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here is your consolation prize...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-06 19:43:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-06 19:30:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
I may get a +1.9 average off 200 reviews on one post and a -2 off 1 review for another.
Thus according to the Uber average rating I'm at -0.05.
Hardly fair.
________________________
Yes, but this also keeps you from being penalized for one giant faux pas had the scenario been the other way around. (Actually happened to me, see my Fetish hate post - which is still the most hits/reviews I've ever had from a single post)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30328
...Don't feel too bad.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:36:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is NOT my first post. I don't care how stupid the post was I still can't believe how many people didn't understand a simple concept like the TITLE. I've already acknowledged several times that the post is not good. I wrote the damn thing in like 20 minutes when I was high, said "What the fuck?" and posted it. Obviously a mistake. Unfortunately for all of us I can't delete it.
As it stands right now this is the first of my posts to reach "most heated". Congratulations on bringing me over the 13,000 hit mark by telling me the exact same thing I've already been told dozens of times! This post blows! LET...IT....DIE.
Fuck you very much,
Feliz
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"But I digress."
-----------
CMG?!
Submitted by GuyDude (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Funny concept and a few good lines but extremely dorky and not very smart. -2 through 2 including 0 equals 5 numerical ratings--not 4. It just got boring.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and this is your first
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT!
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-08 22:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bienvenue à Über!
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-03-08 21:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well youre not as bad as SOME of the people on this site..
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, next time I'll make a lame-ass video game instead.
"Would you just....let it go?"
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. Reading this post was like rounding a corner and seeing a landbeast in spandex.
-2 for the post. +1 for information about how the site works.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hello, this is not "GeeksofStartrek.com" this is Ubersite.....
The future is Uber.
*schwing your ass* -2
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for fellow maritimism.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yep. You could fuck off a whole lot more.
That picture PISSED ME OFF.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Welcome to uber.
I hate you.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good lord people, I get the fucking point. Are you trying to make this most heated or something?
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You forgot to mention that you are a total Toolbag.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 19:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-03-08 16:54:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT DID YOU REALLY GO TO UPEI????
I thought I was the only Islander on uber. Granted, I'm not really an Islander, I just live here
----
Wow, never thought I'd find another Islander here either. I didn't actually go to UPEI, my mother worked there before she died so I got their clothes cheap. I'm in Halifax now.
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't feel The need to comment, everyone knows why this is a -2
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it'd be really nice of bart to extend the rating system down to -3 just for this post.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this- i think it was original.
didn't see any star trek references, but then i have never seen a whole episode.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
zif read that crap
Submitted by sealclubber (user info) at 2005-03-08 17:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-03-08 16:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT DID YOU REALLY GO TO UPEI????
I thought I was the only Islander on uber. Granted, I'm not really an Islander, I just live here.
Submitted by Wombat_Warfare (user info) at 2005-03-08 16:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jackass
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-08 16:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For being a trekky
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-08 15:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ATTN: GHEY ALIENS!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-03-08 14:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little gay, but that doesn't matter around here.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and I hope it's your last.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you were a dinosaur, your name would be Fagasaurus Rex.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
mostly boring INDEED!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i found it amusing.
so there.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
linkwhore http://www.ubersite.com/m/56523 !
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:21:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Man this post is shit! Fuck you AssTrekker!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i heart Lekram,
with my big pole
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-08 13:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who said anything about Star Trek?
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I can see this is going bad places so I'm just going to stop responding to reviews. There's really nothing I can say, I can't defend this thing at all. Feel free to keep pouring the -2s on as I would likely do the same if someone else posted this. That's how Uber works. The post isn't very good and you'll never believe me when I tell you that I am one of the only people I actually know that doesn't enjoy watching Star Trek. I've got nothing else.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:43:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like that guy who played the genie in those corny wish master movies.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
look at the trekkie back-track! Oh my GAWD trekster, go oustide and get some sun on that chalk-white skin of yours, you're making people run their cars into ditches!
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, you guys caught me. I was actually jerking off to episode #397 of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" as I do every Tuesday morning but decided to post this instead. I'm the first to admit that this post is more the ghey men each time I read it but since when did Star Trek have a monopoly on writing about aliens?
Here's the only sci-fi/alien stuff I can think of that I actually like:
2001: A Space Odyssey
Tradewars 2002, the classic BBS game
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy of which I've only heard the audiobook
Nothing else comes to mind. The old Star Wars movies have a bit of a nostalgic thing for me but that's going away rapidly with each new crappy movie released.
But yeah, this post was pretty stupid. You got me there.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
posts like these need random joe to work properly.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
check out this trekkie thinking he's in dorktown, USA and we're all gonna go "live long and prosper my trekkie brethren". go watch leonard nimoy blow up a bulldozer dorkface 3000.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I should have read the reviews, first. Sorry, Jbirth.
I hate Star Trek, Star Wars, Star Jones, Star Markets, and ET, too.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate Sci-Fi and their geeky ilk almost as much as Newbies.
Now go shine your Spock-ears, Dorko.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you trekky
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh dear sweet Jesus, now everyone thinks I'm a Trekky. I regret posting this piece of shit already.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i see right through your vulcan mind tricks. Feliz!
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:12:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey I was stoned and bored and I pretty much HATE Star Trek. I can sit through some of the original series but most of it is extremely boring to me. My post may suck monkey balls but please don't think I'm a Trekky. Granted, I'm a huge nerd but I'm NOT a "Trekky".
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not to crazy about it
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:10:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off you trekky Homo!
If you're going to carry on like a five year old at least make it interesting.
Submitted by FelizJbirth (user info) at 2005-03-08 12:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, for an advanced alien spcies you're sure not very good at formatting text.
-2 DIE!!!!!