Saturday Night Special (612 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.91 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Espo (View user info) at 2005-03-08 23:07:50 EST
"Its a saturday night special
Got a barrel that's blue and cold
Ain't no good for nothin'
But put a man six feet in a hole" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Big Jim pushed through the creaky wood door and glanced around the familiar bar. His eyes fluttered quickly from Larry, the bartender, to the top-shelf whiskies, and finally down the bar rail to a group of surly looking fellas enveloped in a cloud of cigar smoke.
"Hey, Jim! There ya are, ya big ogre."
"Hey there, Pete. You and your boys ready to lose some money?"
"Well lookie here, fellas. Better watch out - Big Jim's aiming to take our money t'night."
The group at the end of the bar laughed, and even Larry, his bald head shining through the smoke that was wafting head-high around the bar, cracked a smile.
Big Jim was known for a few things in this town, mostly being Big, but taking people's money playing poker was definitely not one of them.
After a beer to wash the taste of a hard week's work down his throat, Jim saddled up in a cushy seat around the round poker table that dominated the back corner of the bar. Larry didn't want to distract customers at the bar with a table close by, so he had decided to put it in the back, near the bathroom: out of sight, out of mind.
Pete took a deck of worn cards out of his pocket and divided up the chips.
"Alright fellas. Y'all know the rules here. Five Card Draw. Fifty dollar buy in. Small blind is 2, big blind is 4. High bet is 20 bucks."
As Pete glanced around the table at the familiar faces nodding in approval, he shuffled the cards from one hand to another, like a magician preparing for a card trick. He looked directly at Jim as he said, "No re-do's, no cheatin', and no fightin'."
Jim glared back at Pete, knowing that the last comment was meant for him. Big Jim wasn't only known for being Big around this town - he'd also spent more than one lonely night in the county jail for "drunk and disorderly."
Liquor, Losing, and Jim didn't always get along.
***
An hour later, Jim stared at the two measely chips that sat in front of him.
4 dollars.
How did I go and lose 46 dollars in an hour? We barely played 10 hands, for Gods sake, Jim thought to himself.
He raised his bearish right hand and called to Larry for another beer.
Aside from losing all his money in poker, Jim was putting a sizeable dent in his already substantial tab tonight. Larry glanced over at Jim, his hulking shoulders hunkered down over his cards, glaring up at the other players from time to time, desperately searching for any signs of cheating. But the other men didn't notice Jim's aggressive actions - they were content to sit and ponder their bets while Jim's anger grew.
Larry came over to the table, his hands empty.
"Jim, how bout we wait till you're all finished here before that beer?"
Jim raised his head and sneered at Larry, "Now what do ya mean by that, Larry?"
Before the veteran bartender could answer, Jim had thrown his cards on the table, and overturned his chair in the process of rising swiftly to his feet.
"What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Huh?" Jim screamed, his hulking frame now hovering dangerously close to Larry.
Pete and the others had taken notice of the quickly escalating conflict and had all backed away from the table. They had all seen Jim in what he called "prime form" before and they were not about to take on a drunk, angry, seasoned fighter and risk losing all their money, and possibly their consciousness.
Larry had dealt with more than a few rowdy drunks in his day, and had even had to deal with Jim a few times. He kept his composure as he tried to talk some sense into the gargantuan beast whose clenched fists were shaking at his sides.
"Now, Jim. Why don't ya just calm down? I was just thinking that you would enjoy your beer more if ya didn't have to worry 'bout them cards, that's all."
"Well, Larry," spat Jim, "I don't pay you to THINK. I pay you to bring me drinks. Now get your sorry ass back to the bar and bring me another cold beer!"
Larry looked down at the ground in defeat and heaved a sigh. Clearly the old man was no match for this juggernaut of a drunk. Larry continued to look down at the floor, his hands clasped behind his back as he spoke.
"Well, Jim, actually you haven't been paying me at all lately. Your tab is up over $500 this month, and I ain't gittin' you a drink unless I see some money come my way first."
Larry had pushed Jim too far. Pete and all the others knew it.
Jim wasn't going to take that guff from and old fuddy-duddy like Larry. Jim was going to pulverize the old man, squish him like a ripe grape.
Even Larry knew he had pushed Jim too far. That's why Larry had his old .38 tucked behind him. Jim had been causing more trouble than Larry was willing to put up with lately, and he was losing customers with every night that Jim went stumbling around the bar, terrorizing the usual patrons.
"You lazy, no good sonuvabitch!" Yelled Jim, his massive fist cocked, ready to deliver a punch with such force that would knock Larry clear across the bar.
"Now Jim," Larry said, making sure to annunciate very clearly so Jim could hear him, "you sure you wanna do that?"
And with that, Larry, with surprising quickness for a man his age, drew his .38. Before Jim could react, he was staring down the barrel of the gun.
Jim, not anticipating Larry to have a gun, had already readied himself to deliver a dangerous blow to the old man's head, and staggered backward at the sight of the weapon.
The .38 had a very calming effect on the whole situation, much to Larry's delight.
"Shit, Larry..." mumbled a dumbstruck Jim. "Why you gotta pull a gun at me, huh? I just...I - I just wanted another beer."
"I know ya did, Jim. But you can't drink for free no more, ya hear? Now get the hell out of here and don't come back unless you're bringing your tab with you - the whole thing."
And with that, a confused and ale-infested Jim stumbled out of the bar and into the dark night.
Pete turned to Larry after Jim had left and glanced down at the old .38. He noticed that Larry still had the safety on.
Larry saw Pete's puzzled gaze and realized what he was thinking.
"Didn't even have it loaded, either." said Larry, watching the look of amazement creep over Pete's face.
"You use these things the right way, at the right time, you ain't got any need for bullets."
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My nickname is Big Jim.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story. Skynyrd rocks (at least they used to).
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this, well written.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:23:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:48:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read. Very easy flow. I liked it.
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thanks badlands. as always, good comments coming from you are a pleasure.
I'm working on a seriousl overhaul of one of my pretty good older posts, and just posted this cause I got tired. Hopefully the rewrite will knock your socks off.
espo
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:11:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw Skynrd last summer. Despite only having like one original member, they still kick ass.
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... and he's in a wheelchair. Allen Collins? Refresh my memory, please. Fuck you, Shlongy, I never care to hear from Lynyrd Skynyrd again - bit like Stairway to Heaven, but those boys kicked dicks. (Sweet Home Alabama aside). Tuesday's Gone, Simple Man, I Know a Little... fucking Freebird.. "What song is it you wanna hear? - I heard it then..."
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice read. Very easy flow. I liked it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking LOATHE Skynyrd. Number 2, only behind Journey, on my all time "Most hated bands" list.
Good thing you can write a bit, Ivy Leaguer.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw Skynrd last summer. Despite only having like one original member, they still kick ass.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-09 01:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Then Jim went outside and used his gun... to rape a four-year-old, because Espo hadn't killed Jim off. WTF Espo. Let that ride on your conscience for the rest of your days
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Sorry, Chinaski, maybe next time I'll have Larry blow a hole the size of a grapefruit through Jim's chest with a sawed-off .12 gauge.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-09 01:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Then Jim went outside and used his gun... to rape a four-year-old, because Espo hadn't killed Jim off. WTF Espo. Let that ride on your conscience for the rest of your days.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-09 00:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-09 00:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Such a cliche, but told in a not-cliched way. Good job.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the Lynyrd Skynyrd intro (I'm a long time fan)
+1 for Larry "using" the gun the right way. Great story.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-03-08 23:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this really is a good post, i promise.