Callin' Men and Savvy Women (AKA Circe) (3398 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.22 on 112 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kristen (View user info) at 2005-03-09 03:17:32 EST
"I'm not ready for something serious."
"Okay, so you want to call it quits?"
"No, I don't want to do that. I just want to slow down. I think you're a wonderful girl, but like I told you from the get-go, I'm just coming out of a divorce and I'm not ready for something this serious."
Now it's been a week and a half, no phone call, no hide nor hair of this guy, and I'm thinking, "Okay, so you want to call it quits?" I got it right on the first try, and while it came as a slight shock, I didn't have a sad face, no watering of the eyes, no trembling of the lip, nothing. I didn't reveal that what he said hurt me whatsoever, so I guess what I'm left to figure out is why else he would say he didn't want to break up, but rather slow our relationship down. Common sense says he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I didn't show any weakness.
When you see each other almost every night of the week, and quite a few days as well, wouldn't slowing down be more along the lines of seeing each other a couple times a week? Or would that consist of ten days of silence?
I've never had to deal with this end of the break up before, and it really kind of sucks. You men ought to come up with a guideline of "What We Say" vs. "What We Mean".
You fucking bastards.
Google search for "poop".
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-04 01:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus this got a lot of replies. Well, I'm not reading all those, so sorry if I repeat something, but it's a bit of an emotional sticky wicket. You don't want to lie, but you don't want to hurt the person's feelings either, so often you end up with this lame half-truth thing. It's kind of a sign of weakness...but anyone worth the skin they wear doesn't like telling someone they like that they don't want them anymore.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-03-29 01:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Men suck.
if you ask nicely.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's not you its me
I just need some space.
I'm in an odd place in my life right now.
The voices in my head are telling me to do things, maybe it would be best if we called it off.
Submitted by snagglepuss (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:47:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you should have never given him that STD..........
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
*naked tackle* ...okay, I'm wearnig sweats and a "Squeeze Me" t-shirt with a hole in the pit, but still.
How the hell are you?!
Actually, quick update (Terrible run-on sentence coming): I got ridiculously drunk at a bar, he was there, in the midst of talking to him I had to puke, so he got a free Southern Comfort/pineapple juice/bacon cheddar burger floater in his beer, he had to carry me out to my friend's car so I could get home, I felt completely vindicated because I spoiled his night, he called me a few days later to 'check on me', and now I'm dangling him for revenge purposes...and middle of the night booty calls.
Phew.
Life is better when you don't care.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Call.
Confront.
Converse.
It's the relationship "stop, drop and roll".
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-03-17 12:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mikey still loves you!
(Big Hug)
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-14 17:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Poor thing.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
maybe it's because you have gonorrhea
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2005-03-13 23:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-03-11 13:04:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
You had sex with him, didn't you?
Here's what happened. Your overwhelming sexual prowess terrified him into the realization that he would never, ever be good enough for a woman with the level of awesome that you posess.
------------------------------------
No that doesn't work because Kristen is obviously a man so the guy wouldn't have been discouraged from the situation you describe here.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61743
The truth about the "Fun With Real Email Series"
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-03-11 13:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had sex with him, didn't you?
Here's what happened. Your overwhelming sexual prowess terrified him into the realization that he would never, ever be good enough for a woman with the level of awesome that you posess.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-03-10 23:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What she didn't tell you is ...
One minute earlier:
"I haven't told you this, but I'm an unwed mother. Honestly, I don't even know who the daddy is, but I really like you. I was hoping maybe you wanted the job."
Just kidding. I'm sure he's just a jerk. Lots of people are.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-03-10 21:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-03-10 14:31:47 (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe it's because ... no, I won't take any cheap shots
hahahaha
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-03-10 19:51:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause its Kristen.
But on the plus side your back!
I missed reading your posts they were in my opinion some of the best on this site, made me laugh greatly everytime.
And to hell with the boy, he was a idiot to dump you! If I lived closer I would date you in a second.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-10 19:27:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-10 01:43:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is ten days really that long? Have you tried calling him, because pointedly not returning any calls is a stronger message than just not initiating a phone call. On one hand he could want you to chase him down to know that you care. Yes, even men can be that needy.
----------
But as she told me, she never calls her men. They must call her and make her feel all pretty and like some kind of queen. No wonder he bailed.
Submitted by lava605 (user info) at 2005-03-10 19:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for a boring post, +2 for the bear
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-03-10 16:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-10 15:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my Kristen, where have you gone? It's been MONTHS. IM me or something, girl.
And don't worry about the guy- if he didn't realize how lucky he was to have you, then who needs him anyway?
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-03-10 14:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe it's because ... no, I won't take any cheap shots.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2005-03-10 11:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can handle this in different ways.
Option A: cut your losses, make no moves to get in touch with him, and chalk up the split to experience. You walk out with your pride intact.
Option B: Relax! You're not a teenager anymore - phone him! Worst case scenario is he really did mean to dump you, in which case you'll know immediately, and what the hell, you can rest easy knowing you tried every avenue. And there is a chance this is a result of some wierd misunderstanding. V. slim, because it does sound like it's over, but there is a chance.
Good luck.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 07:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Franger, come back to bed.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2005-03-10 02:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe he broke up with you because you are a man.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-10 01:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is ten days really that long? Have you tried calling him, because pointedly not returning any calls is a stronger message than just not initiating a phone call. On one hand he could want you to chase him down to know that you care. Yes, even men can be that needy.
Maybe he just meant what he said about wanting to slow down and then got a little carried away with it - realized that being on his own is a lot of fun. It doesn't seem like it's Over over yet. But from what you said he sounds a little fickle. I go for long amounts of time not talking to people who I consider important to me, but I'm also just kind of like that.
Submitted by bdakotac (user info) at 2005-03-10 00:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This guy is what a normal man would call a "pussy."
He did not have the guts to say to your face waht he actualy meant.
This is the kind of shit that women actually do with virtually every break-up.
If you say you never did this to a guy before, then you are full of shit.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-03-09 21:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, you've been dumped. Fuck 'im.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know you, but you are one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen (based on your pic). I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you're a good person. Things have a funny way of working out for good people.
He was just taking the coward's way out. You'll find a good guy; we are out there.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
When you date a moron don't expect much.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can dance better than Napoleon.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-03-09 18:50:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I've never had to deal with this end of the break up before, and it really kind of sucks. You men ought to come up with a guideline of "What We Say" vs. "What We Mean"."
fuck that shit, women invented that game.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-03-09 18:37:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:43:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a bit cynical isn't it mystia?
All men are bastards.
==========================
No, i wasn't being cynical at all.
#1, or the men who settle down with a single mother and help raise her children are the most giving and unselfish of humans.
It takes alot to embrace a ready made family that isn't even your own. I greatly admire those sort of men. I was simply saying that I didn't think the man Kristen was talking about was one of those men.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, I'll admit...I am fucking hilarious.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I believe there would be better relations between men and women
if low level tazers were allowed to be used if someone is being vague...
plus, I know I would never have to shave agian....
just be true when you talk,
put needs before wants,
it'll all work out.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:04:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
How about if I ring my pecker with Godiva?
--------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
sorry but that came out of nowhere and I had to hold back a snort
in my cubicle and i almost peed myself.
damn weak bladder.
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:03:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
He's got someone else.
Sorry.
--------------
i had a dog, and his name was "Fucking Exactly"
yeah, what an asshole that guy is - you were a rebound.
i'd like to say "my bad" on behalf of our whole male race.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He found out about me.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey there!
nothing to add. except that the guy is probably afraid to confront you.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's got someone else.
Sorry.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You must have sucked in the sack.
Pick up the latest "Cosmo" or rent a Vivid Video and grab some pointers.
Then, grab my johnson.
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know. I was recently divorced and now I am "dating". This new guy- call him "fuck-face-son-of-a-bitch-asshole" or Brian for short. We spent the weekend in KC, I thought we had a good time. We were supposed to do something Monday- then Tuesday- then tonight- but now maybe Thursday. I guess I am getting the brush off. I just want to say, "Jesus man, if you don't want to see me, tell me, get some fucking balls".
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:15:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
From my own personal experience "lets take it slow" means in code... He's just not that into you.
Sorry honey, men can be such dicks!
It would be so simple to say, "Hey I was thinking that I would like to see other people and I am sorry that it didn't work out for us."
Take care and don't fret...
There are plenty of men out there....
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As someone who's been on both ends of this situation Kristen, I can tell you what I did. It may help, it may not. Focus on making yourself happy, make the good things already in your life better. Take up art or swimming, expand your range and go do something fun. Severe all communications with this guy, as thinking of him, much less talking to him, will bring you down a bit. Most importantly though, go find some male friends who you know aren't trying to get in your pants (might be hard) and spend time with them. Reason for this is that it will keep you from becoming cynical about men and maybe you'll meet someone new through them. Every time you start thinking the "what ifs", snap out of it and concentrate on something you love.
Said: "I don't know if we're going to work out..."
Meant: "You really shouldn't have let me sleep with you so soon. While it was great, I now have less respect for you...enough respect to be friends and date, but not enough to get heavy into. I like a challenge and that's not you."
Yes, it's a double-standard. I regret the things I've done and I've stopped doing them, but be aware that even good guys screw up sometimes. Key is, let them get to know you and let yourself get to know them really well before you get down, unless you're just looking for some fun. It'll save you the trouble. Most men now probably hate me for saying all this, but I feel your pain.
Put your thoughts and time into something productive and you just may make something you can stick up on your wall eventually: http://www.ubersite.com/m/61377. Art can be very therapeutic.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Maybe I'm nuts, but I'd rather get harrassed about whether or not someone's calves look chubby with their hair in a ponytail or some crap than not know if you're in a relationship or not.
---------
No, you've just never experienced the horror that is a wrong answer from the right perspective. Trust me, it is much better (from a guy's perspective) to wonder if that is your significant other, or just some warm wet hole than to :
a) answer THAT question incorrectly
b) actually, answering at all
c) not answer AND not change the subject smoothly enough
d) answering with "Why the fuck are you wearing anything, anyway?"
Let's chalk it up to blissful ignorance. Here's a +1 to show the love.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't try to make sense out of the situation. You will end up wrapping your brain around a tree...or...something.
As much as men like to say that we are the ones that make illogical and/or irrational decisions, they do the same.
Good luck with your situation.
I'm always around for anyone on Uber, so if you want to talk, you can email me or something.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because you're hurting...
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:42:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to slow down.=I want to dump you.
You're a wonderful girl.=I want to dump you.
No, I don't want to call it quits.= I want to dump you.
This is good stuff, keep it comin'. Any other male codes you feel like deciphering?
==================================
Here let me convert the code into something you ladies should be able to understand.
Guy:I want to slow down. = Girl: I just need time to figure things out.
Guy: You're a wonderful girl. = Girl: You're a nice guy.
Guy: No I don't want to call it quits = Girl: I'm afraid of ruining our friendship.
Guy: It's not you it's me. = Girl: It's not you it's me.
Any other questions?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HadToBeDone,
I rarely call a guy I'm dating anyway, so not calling for ten days would not be considered out of the ordinary. However, I'm not talking about going a week and a half without contact. I will slowly taper off the amount of time I spend with him, yes. I won't automatically go almost two weeks without a peep.
Yes, we all play games. The games that we do play, however...I think DeathJester mentioned it earlier. Women will fish for compliments, withhold sex, etc. Men will lie about wanting to stay in a relationship or not, just to keep full access to sex. Maybe I'm nuts, but I'd rather get harrassed about whether or not someone's calves look chubby with their hair in a ponytail or some crap than not know if you're in a relationship or not. He didn't end things, he paused things and never finished them up. Maybe to you, a guy, what he did is obvious. Maybe to women with more experience, it's in-your-face blatant. Unfortunately, I wasn't 100% sure. I am now.
And there are a million and one double standards that lean in men's favor, so let us have this one. :o)
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4. Spam, No, I don't consider it "code". That's not what I say to finalize a breakup. I just slowly become less and less accessible and then call it off. I usually can tell when something isn't going to work out, but I've been proved wrong so I give it a little bit of time to make sure I'm not just annoyed over something or PMSing. If after that time the outlook is not any brighter, I will be quite upfront. I don't say, "No, I don't want to break up, just slow things down for a little bit." I say, "This is over. This is not working out. Thanks for playing. Buh-bye." (only I'm not so cavalier and rude about it, but I leave just as much room for interpretation as that little ditty did.)
---------
You just slowly become less and less accessible. Like 10 days without a call? So you do what he did, without making excuses and certainly no explanation. Double fucking standard.
Just call it like it is. He did what both women and men do all the fucking time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How about if I ring my pecker with Godiva?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I thought I was making it easy on him by saying what he was trying to say for him. All he had to do was nod his head...and I'd be about ten days ahead in this process than I am now. But nooooo.
Teeph, he wanted the divorce...he was just tired of being married, I think, because he said they weren't having any problems. One day he said he wasn't happy, she wanted to do marriage counseling, he said it wouldn't work, she moved out. They were married a whopping 2 years.
So basically I'm better off, but still seething over getting dropped without warning.
Thank y'all for the interpretations. You rock.
And breakups really do make you crave chocolate, huh? Time to get the fat pants on so I can eat some Cadbury...
Oh, hi Tim. :o)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just move me to the top of your "To Do" list.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:53:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen,
If you have any self respect cross him off of your list and move to the next guy.
Trust me!
---
Amen. And I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:49:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
okay. out of curiosity. I don't know you but I was wondering...
do men *know* that they do this? do you do this? if so, are you aware of it?
if you have, did you feel remorse?
-----------------
First off...I hope you don't believe that I was condoning this guy's behavior, because I wasn't. I was merely giving some insight into what I believed was going on in his head. In response to your questions...
Do men know that they do this?
Some, I imagine, have insincere motives from the start, and do. Others may not.
Do you do this? If so, are you aware of it?
Present tense...no. Have I in the past, used an excuse like that in an attempt, albeit misguided, to let someone down gently...yes. Have I ever ended a relationship by simply no longer calling someone...yes. Am I proud of this...absolutely not.
if you have, did you feel remorse?
Personally? Yes. People grow. It's a process. Do I look back and believe that I've treated every woman that's ever loved me like they deserved to be treated? No. I wish I had. I'd probably sleep better at night. Have I learned from past mistakes? I hope so...I hope I never stop learning. Am I a good man? Yes. I have scars. I have skeletons. But I continually strive to better myself. I am the epitome of a work in progress.
But aren't we all?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen,
If you have any self respect cross him off of your list and move to the next guy.
Trust me!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:19:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read the reviews, but I'm sure you've already been set straight. You've been dumped.
Well...not exactly "dumped". See...he's a coward. Which is why he couldn't tell you straight up that you just weren't warming his gravy. When a man is dating someone that he's really into, nothing's going to stop him from getting what he wants. Not fear, not a recent divorce, not a scorching case of the herpes.
Men are hunters by nature. And if a woman doesn't immediately reveal herself as the one he can't live without, he's going to be on to the next conquest. But men are also cowards. Which is why, right now, he's "slowing things down".
Of course, what that translates to is..."I'm really not all that into you. I want to date other women. In fact, I may already be dating other women. But you're not altogether useless, so instead of just cutting you off at the knees, I'll fall back on a weak excuse that will be believeable because, well, let's face it...because I'm a man. In any event, you'll be confused, and I'll be free to do as I please. But this nebulous declaration of mine also reserves me the right to come back, sweet talk you, and tap that ass, as I see fit. Thank you. Please drive thru."
-----------------------------------------
okay. out of curiosity. I don't know you but I was wondering...
do men *know* that they do this? do you do this? if so, are you aware of it?
if you have, did you feel remorse?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One question:
He just came out of a divorce. Did he leave her, or did she leave him?
If this guy's just had his heart ripped out by some harpy (and actually LOVED her) his reply about your "friends with benefits" comment may just translate into, "I just lost a whole bunch of respect for you."
That's assuming he cared about and respected you in the first place, and wasn't just looking for someone to "fix" him because he was lonely. Someone to make him feel better about himself.(Potential damsel in distress? I don't know the specifics of your situation . . . so that's just a guess.)
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-09 10:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you tried calling him? Maybe he feels weird about the last conversation, go ahead and give him a call, and if he doesn't want to make plans for anything, then yes he probably does want to break up.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read this book from cover to cover. Good luck!
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-08-hes-just_x.htm
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You men ought to come up with a guideline of "What We Say" vs. "What We Mean".
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61549
Yes, we're bastards, but it all evens out in the end. You've probably made someone feel just as you do right now. We've all done it.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sons of Bitches, that's what we are. All of us.
Seriously though, a real man is up front and says what he means. Maybe I should say "Adult man". This time it's ok to hate the "playa" and the "game".
Be well.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops. I said 'wha tit'. Weird.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was waiting foe the word 'rebound' to pop up...
For wah tit's worth, I agree with much of what's below. He's being too much of a fraidy cat to gnome up and say outright that he doesn't want to be in a serious-ish relationship with you, and is also scared that he might lose a semi-guaranteed lay.
Not worth it lass. I also reckon you should call him and say "you know what, buster, I don't think this is working for me. Yeah, I liked you. But you done cocked up, and I"M giving YOU the big stick-it."
He's got a divorce and no family to play with. You've got a beautiful baby, and us.
He's got the short end, I reckon.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It means he's a fucking douche and too fucking weak to end it. He'd rather just not deal with it anymore.
Sounds like a coward to me.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen:
Having done the divorce thing myself, I have to say that for a good while there, Women were the enemy.
You end up assigning all your frustrations and anger to the person you are with. It's nothing more than a rebound, and once it becomes boring or feelings become involved, you automatically cut and run. You end up using the other as a symbol of everything you are dissatisfied with, but the moment you start to think you could like them, its time to get rid of them. Because deep down inside, you're scared that this one is going to fuck your head and heart up just like "she" did.
I went through 3 or 4 women like that before I came to terms with everything and stopped using them as toilet paper. Some take a lot longer.
I would be willing to bet that if you ruled out sex or even visiting in a private way, he'd vanish like smoke on the wind. If he doesn't, then hey, you still get your friday night dinner on the town, and once he's got his head straight again, maybe he'll be worth a try.
Right now he's probably just looking for the physical release without any complications. Things started to get complicated for him. See above.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It means he's spent the past week with his ex.
I'm sorry, Kristen. Hope you are doing well otherwise.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I've never had to deal with this end of the break up before, and it really kind of sucks. You men ought to come up with a guideline of "What We Say" vs. "What We Mean"."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
that is pretty fucking rich.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:19:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read the reviews, but I'm sure you've already been set straight. You've been dumped.
Well...not exactly "dumped". See...he's a coward. Which is why he couldn't tell you straight up that you just weren't warming his gravy. When a man is dating someone that he's really into, nothing's going to stop him from getting what he wants. Not fear, not a recent divorce, not a scorching case of the herpes.
Men are hunters by nature. And if a woman doesn't immediately reveal herself as the one he can't live without, he's going to be on to the next conquest. But men are also cowards. Which is why, right now, he's "slowing things down".
Of course, what that translates to is..."I'm really not all that into you. I want to date other women. In fact, I may already be dating other women. But you're not altogether useless, so instead of just cutting you off at the knees, I'll fall back on a weak excuse that will be believeable because, well, let's face it...because I'm a man. In any event, you'll be confused, and I'll be free to do as I please. But this nebulous declaration of mine also reserves me the right to come back, sweet talk you, and tap that ass, as I see fit. Thank you. Please drive thru."
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-03-09 09:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Breaking up is rough for guys. Probably more with this guy. When I'm thinking about the whole dumping thing, I tend to worry. When's the next time I'm going to get laid? Is she going to be as hot as what I've got now? What if she flips out and stabs me?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:55:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course, I plan on breaking up a couple weeks before I actually do it. Do men really decide whether to dump or not off the cuff, or do y'all plan these things too?
----
The only times I've done the breaking up (twice), it was off the cuff. And the first one was someone I lived with, and was with for 2 and a half years.
In my honest to god opinion, this guy is trying to turn it into a sex-only type thing. Who can blame him? Seriously.
On a lighter note, if I don't drive to dan's house in NH later this month, I may be taking a trip to Nock-uh-toosh sometime in April. If I do head down there, you should buy me dinner one day or something.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
He's just not that into you. Quit wasting time wondering about his motivations and move on.
I've seen a picture of you, and I'm pretty sure you won't have any trouble finding another guy. So stop bitching and do it.
Submitted by Lotus (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:36:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno. Just on the comment you made that up until the day he became all sketchy, you said you were waking up to him kissing you and stuff. I think he freaked out. I'm not saying this to be nice or to make you feel better. Guys are easily startled, like mindless antelope in the African bush (I'm sure you've seen the nature programs). One sign of something, anything, their eyes grow wide, their ears stick up, and boom- like that they've bolted, never to be heard from again.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-03-09 08:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blah blah blah, I was dumped, girls rule, guys drool, someone validate my hotness and offer oral sex.
Phew, now that I'm done being a dick (I'd always wondered what that would feel like) I'd have to say the obligatory ,"You deserve better!" Which you do, which is why you should date Maiorano. Seriously, when would he ever dump you? And if he gives you any guff, I'm pretty sure your kid could take him.
That being said, where is my $5, Matt?
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your a slut! =)
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know this guy at all so I may be compeletely off-base, but something freaked him out. Maybe an old ex started calling him again, maybe the idea of being serious hit him, maybe it's because of you having a kid, I really don't know. We men are shallow creatures, me being one of the worst, but I think perhaps you were starting to get too predictable and boring. The only girls I ever fell for never fell into that pattern, they'd mix things up, but most importantly they'd give me the gift of missing them. I don't care who you are, if you hang out with someone too much at the wrong time in a relationship, you're going to kill it. Hope this helps. Being dumped brings a weird new perspective to things doesn't it?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
boooo bad guys.
there's a term that i am not personally familiar with, but many of my friends have told me of it.
"hate-fuck."
you do it to an ex when you have been hurt, and they are looking for some ass.
i think its weird, but hey - its getting some people through the day.
hi kristen.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to hear it old girl.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you need some random, casual, amazing sex to get you through the "tough times", you know where to find me.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DeathJester,
Okay, the general XX population is a bit of a compliment digger. At least she knows how to dump a dude. :p
Does this font make my ass look big?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1. Hi, Circe!
Lord, that sucks. I think I'll make the coffee plans with him and accidentally spill some on his good for nothing limp dick...
See, I'm infinitely less sad and much more pissed at this point.
2. Love ya too, Val.
3. Li, I've only been in about five actual "relationships" from my point of view. These are guys I actually sat down with and had the "what are we?" talk at some point. Of those five, yes, this is the first time I've been on the receiving end of the dump. Except that one time in Cabo, when I had a little too much to drink and Rico had one too many bean burritos...
Anyway, I've liked guys before who haven't reciprocated the sentiment, and I've gone on a couple dates with various guys who have failed to call for a third or fourth date. So this isn't the first time I've been shunned...just the first time it's been by a guy I actually care about.
4. The spawn is doing great. She's freakin' six months old, crawling, getting teeth...yeah, a bit of an overachiever, my girl.
5. Shandy, you have such an interesting mind...
Okay, alcohol buzz is worn off and I need to brush my teeth and bathe the smell of alcoholism off me.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-09 07:01:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:45:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
aaahhh crap. He's keeping you as backup. See, he's gonna call soon, talk about trivial stuff, make halfhearted plans to meet for coffee... he'll do this every now and then in case the big exciting world of dating isn't what he wanted. This way, you're option b and he can come on back when he needs affection.
Hi, Kristen!!
-----
Exactly. No point in putting any worth into this clown unless you're simply in need of a fuck buddy. To get involved with him on a level par with "serious relationship" would be heartbreak in a can.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Won't appreciate the irony?
Do I look fat? = Give me a compliment or no sex.
Do you love me? = Give me a compliment or no sex.
Do you like this dress? = Give me a compliment or no sex.
The list goes on...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, I forgot to ask, how's the spawn?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops, sorry.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I've never had to deal with this end of the break up before, and it really kind of sucks."
No one has ever broken up with you?
More people should say exactly what they mean.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe cute little bear.
love ya Kris
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:45:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:39:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
...A girl with a ready made family and someone elses child who he wants to fool around with
---
surely kirsten's baby is a bit young for the lolita trick?
----------
SO WRONG!!!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:39:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
...A girl with a ready made family and someone elses child who he wants to fool around with
---
surely kirsten's baby is a bit young for the lolita trick?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaahhh crap. He's keeping you as backup. See, he's gonna call soon, talk about trivial stuff, make halfhearted plans to meet for coffee... he'll do this every now and then in case the big exciting world of dating isn't what he wanted. This way, you're option b and he can come on back when he needs affection.
Hi, Kristen!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You win this time Gadget.
But I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack........ mwhahahahahahahahahah.
<masturbates furiously into oragami viggy)
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
phone him up and finish with him before he can finish with you officially. he sounds like a loser.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Right on, Rawrg. I am just a novice when it comes to this, so all these explanations are great. Much better than what I've been getting from my friends, even my GUY friends, who keep saying that he is just scared and yada yada yada. I knew the truth would be on Über, you great big bunch of mean assholes. I love you guys!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would fold the "cunt" letter into an origami vagina and send it, via good ol' postal service, back to you in England. You would be so overcome with horniness at the majesty that is my paper-foldin' skills that you would attempt to fuck the paper twat over and over again, thus resulting in numerous paper cuts.
I would then sell the motorized surfboard and bank a whole $50.
Take THAT.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"No, I don't want to do that. I just want to slow down. I think you're a wonderful girl, but like I told you from the get-go, I'm just coming out of a divorce and I'm not ready for something this serious."
---
It's pretty obvious. He doesn't love you. If he did, he'd want to get serious, but he doesn't at this time.
I'd just accept it as that and try not to take it too personally.
As far as why he hasn't contacted you in 10 days, that's grounds for a talk at the very least, and from there you can decide where you want to go.
That's all I've got.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1. Lyric, you crazy drunk, come have some watered down American beers with me!
2. Ainkara, you are a wise little Vegemite guzzler. Initially, I wanted a "friends with benefits" sort of dealy with the guy, and HE is the one that talked me out of it! "I can't believe you just want me to come over, lay the pipe, and then go home...that is so cold!" I tried to keep it on one level, he kept bringing it up to the next level. He shoulda left it where I wanted it in the beginning, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Bastard! And then HE dumps ME? What the fuck...and I'm fine, a little peeved over the situation, but I'll be fine. How are you?
3. Mystia, how are you chicky? That is the saddest (most likely true, but still sad) forcast for potential relationships I have ever seen.
4. Spam, No, I don't consider it "code". That's not what I say to finalize a breakup. I just slowly become less and less accessible and then call it off. I usually can tell when something isn't going to work out, but I've been proved wrong so I give it a little bit of time to make sure I'm not just annoyed over something or PMSing. If after that time the outlook is not any brighter, I will be quite upfront. I don't say, "No, I don't want to break up, just slow things down for a little bit." I say, "This is over. This is not working out. Thanks for playing. Buh-bye." (only I'm not so cavalier and rude about it, but I leave just as much room for interpretation as that little ditty did.)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:28:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I take the fart infused cake you send my mother and send it back to you...along WITH my mother...who is, by the way, dead. Ahhhhh, necrophelia...followed by a slice of fartcake. Your mouth is watering now, huh?
I don't think he was trying to get sex, he was getting more than enough. It was more like, 2am, I felt something on my lips, peeked through my eyelashes, and he would be moving away, and then he'd roll back over and go to sleep again. I dunno why in the heck he'd do that, but he only started it a few nights before we broke up so I didn't have a whole lot of time to figure it out.
Is it considered immature to egg a person as they walk down the street, or would that be a justified response""""
Curses, I am trying to phase out necrophilia.
Well, I would take your mothers corpse, put it into a blender with my dead dog make a mom/dog (mog??) reanimate it with a bolt of lightning, buy a surf board, put a motor on it and make it motor surf all the way back to your house with a letter in its hand.
Written on the letter would simply be the word 'cunt'.
Ha! In your FACE Kristen!
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you have a child I can see why, especially if he's just come out of a divorce.
sounds like its the first time this has happened :)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a bit cynical isn't it mystia?
All men are bastards.
Glad I'm not one.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I lessen how frequently I talk to him or see him. In fact, I drop hints that the relationship is kaput in order to soften the blow, ie: "I'm going to be crazy busy coming up, I don't think we'll be able to see much of each other." or "You like Carrot Top? That's it, we're so over."
-----
Technically, isn't all this kind of a code?? I mean: "I'm going to be crazy busy coming up, I don't think we'll be able to see much of each other" isn't really coming out with it and saying it's over is it?
I'm SO glad somebody other than me saw the irony.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seems you are going through what all of my "single mother" girlfriends have experienced.
See, when you are a single mother guys tend to see you in only 2 ways.
1) A girl he sees his future with.
2) A girl with a ready made family and someone elses child who he wants to fool around with but can't ever take seriously.
It seems you just experienced #2.
I think everything changes when you become a parent, especially dating.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds kinda like he's leaving the sex option open.
"I don't want to break it off exactly, I still want to have the option of sex with you. But just when I want it, so I'm gonna make the calls from now on"
I could be wrong though. How have you been sweety?
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As much as I like penis, I don't usually like the rest of the package it's attached to. Men call women complicated? Puh-lease. I'm easy (no, not EASY easy, I mean easy like... well... oh, shut up).
Actually, I'm just bitter because I ran out of wine.
And whine! Hardy har har
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:28:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I take the fart infused cake you send my mother and send it back to you...along WITH my mother...who is, by the way, dead. Ahhhhh, necrophelia...followed by a slice of fartcake. Your mouth is watering now, huh?
I don't think he was trying to get sex, he was getting more than enough. It was more like, 2am, I felt something on my lips, peeked through my eyelashes, and he would be moving away, and then he'd roll back over and go to sleep again. I dunno why in the heck he'd do that, but he only started it a few nights before we broke up so I didn't have a whole lot of time to figure it out.
Is it considered immature to egg a person as they walk down the street, or would that be a justified response?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you fart at them??
(just noticed that)
Well I take your fart, deep freeze it, turn it into a paste with flower, bake a cake, and send it to your mum.
How's that.
(With regards to the whole kissing you away thing, he prob. just wanted sex. Harsh but true.)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 04:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Speaking as a (sort of) man it tends to happen suddenly with me.
All will be fine then they will just do something that makes me want to dump/strangle/gut them.
Like talk.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I refuse to appreciate any irony. In fact, I take your claims of irony, and I fart at them. When I don't want to be with somebody after dating him awhile, I say, "This isn't working out for me." How is THAT code? It's exactly what I mean! I don't say three days prior to the fact, "Damn, that's it. I am having a 'Awesome Movies You Haven't Seen Because You Live Under a Rock' night and MAKING you see some of these things." I don't say, "You're going to hold that against me forever, like the bra thing, aren't you?" I don't kiss him awake. I probably am not even allowing anything to happen that would cause him to spend the night, actually. I lessen how frequently I talk to him or see him. In fact, I drop hints that the relationship is kaput in order to soften the blow, ie: "I'm going to be crazy busy coming up, I don't think we'll be able to see much of each other." or "You like Carrot Top? That's it, we're so over."
Of course, I plan on breaking up a couple weeks before I actually do it. Do men really decide whether to dump or not off the cuff, or do y'all plan these things too?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WE SPEAK IN CODE????
OH THE IRONY!
SOMEBODY APPRECIATE THE IRONY.
Solution :
Kill him.
Escape to England.
Come live with me.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to slow down.=I want to dump you.
You're a wonderful girl.=I want to dump you.
No, I don't want to call it quits.= I want to dump you.
This is good stuff, keep it comin'. Any other male codes you feel like deciphering?
As far as background, I started dating this guy in December. I met him at a friend's out-of-state wedding, he's a friend of the groom's. We live about 40 minutes apart. I went through some shit that you know about and he stuck around during all that. We've been dating for almost three months. There was maybe twice when I got the feeling that he was slacking off, but he'd always correct himself, I never even had to nag him. Everything up until the point when we had this conversation was fine from my point of view. I think he just woke up one morning and thought, "Eh, i'm over it." because it really came out of the clear blue...
...or, you know, he'd been dropping clues the whole time but since y'all speak in freakin' CODE, I didn't see it coming.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a cacamole face.
I dunno dude, never had to deal with divorce or anything.
I'd need a little more background than this to give a proper assessment.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. He dumped your ass. I hear that in order to right that which has been wronged, you must go to Boston around March 18th, meet a guy named Dan, wait for his friend Matt, and then close your eyes and open your mouth......
You will feel glorious.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never go wrong with "Welcome to dumpsville! Population: you!" Sorry bout the tough break.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, hi, hi, hello. Now give me some deep analysis of the situation please. At the very least, join me in calling him a cacamole face. :o)
I think I just got dumped. And yes, I have a "Duh?" look on my face.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well hooooooly fuckmyass...... here's a name I haven't seen in forever.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-03-09 03:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weird, where do you live again? I can provide warmth and .....
just kidding, I suck.