Random Thought Wednesday - 3/9/05 (1716 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.53 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-03-09 11:33:55 EST
I'm working on a new E-Mail post, but I'm not quite satisfied with the replies yet and to be honest, I think I can do better. So, in order to help fill the void, here's a few things that are in my head right now.
I know Maddox isn't the most popular topic on here, but I have to get this out because it's driving me insane. A few weeks ago, he wrote an article entitled: "If you're too much of an impressionable idiot to watch Sideways..." In that article, he basically blasts people who can't form their own opinions and rely on other people or movies to develop an interest in something. This week, he posted an article about Orbitz (the online airline ticket agency, not the gum) and how much they suck, then he posted e-mail he received from his loyal fans that said things like: "I've never used Orbitz and thanks to you I never will! Orbitz sucks!" Am I the only person who sees thee irony here and absolutely loves it? That's one of the funniest damned things I've read in a long time. At this point, I'm convinced Maddox could write an article bashing oxygen and thousands of people would suffocate themselves as a direct result... he's like the internet version of Charles Manson. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's always nice to know that natural selection is still alive.
There's something to be said for working with a friend and racing him to work. For the record, I am the same person who complained about NASCAR fans and their horrendous driving, but so what? The rules don't apply to me, ok? Anyway, I don't drive like that all the time, only when I see my buddy Eric (I have written about Eric before) on the way to work. Have I mentioned that we're 26 and 27, respectively? Anyway, yesterday I saw him pass me at Mach 1 when I got the highway onto my exit, but thanks to some maneuvering I was able to get in front of him and reach the work parking lot first. Today, however, I was trapped behind an old lady in a Cadillac and he was WAAY ahead of me. In order to give myself a fighting chance, I turned into the Lowe's parking lot that turns into an access road that connect to our lot. The fact that I was driving 50 MPH across their parking lot while several employees got the store ready to open made it all the more interesting. Please note: I fully expect to be arrested by lunch.
It's a good thing Washington Irving named the villain in "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" the Headless Horseman. Let's be honest, the Horseless Headman just doesn't have enough zing to it. Plus, "Ichabod Crane and the Horseless Head-Man" sounds like the title of a gay porno.
Speaking of which, if I were in that business, my name would either be Arlington Longwell or Horace Babcock. I've talked to my wife about legally changing my name to one of these, but she was not amused. She also does not like being referred to as Tits McGee, Chesty VonBooberton, Booty Roundass, Blondie O'Largechest, Lady Assalot, or Chicken Legs.
The other day I was flipping through the channels and I saw my favorite person in the whole wide world. FITTY CENT! Anyway, Fitty was talking about his albums and how his lyrics are very deep and most of them are dark and about death (Yea, "In the Club" and "I'm a P.I.M.P." really make you think). Then he said: "Tupac was obsessed with death. Look at what he named his albums: "Ready to Die" and "Life After Death." Are you kidding me? I'd like to point out that I am white, and I do not like rap music, but even I know that those were not Tupac's albums. They were both albums made by The Notorious B.I.G., Tupac's biggest rival. One would assume that someone like Fitty Cent would know this. I mean, imagine if Carmelo Anthony mentioned that he idolized Michael Jordan as a kid and that the Lakers would never have won any championships without him. Wouldn't that show that he's a fake and a liar? I bet Fitty never even listened to rap when he was younger. In fact, I bet he listened to Motley Crue and Whitesnake and lived in the suburbs.
"Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!"
"Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!"
"I saw that! Brick killed a guy! Brick, did you throw a trident?"
"Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!"
"Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."
User Reviews
Submitted by colinw (user info) at 2005-03-14 14:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To your Maddox comment: I noticed that also and thought it was hilarious. It's pretty safe to say that Maddox is a genius.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'boo boo kitty fuck' always gets the bitches wet.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Petey McCanse
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tits McGee, Chesty VonBooberton, Booty Roundass, Blondie O'Largechest, Lady Assalot, or Chicken Legs.
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She refused these?
I guess I will never figure Women out?
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice rant.
I can't wait to get home and call my wife Lady Assalot.
And then get punched in the nads.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rant away.....
this is the way a rant should sound...
horseless headman...?
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sherman (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joefu007 (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your excellent use of an Anchorman Scene.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So what was that? First name = First pet, Last name = First road lived on?
Dusty Ingleside
I think it has a nice ring to it.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Boy that really escalated quickly!"
+2 cuz Anchorman is the best movie EVAR!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Murphy Kaatskill checking in.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The article was dull, but my porn name would be Frodo Baggins.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:46:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
My porn name (according to the traditional formula of First Pet + First Street Lived On) would be Honky Calhoun.
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That would make me Missy Jefferson.
Nope, that is not gonna do. Lady Assalot made me laugh though.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh be quiet, woman. You'll be called Chesty McBigbreasts and like it.
Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:44:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"She also does not like being referred to as Tits McGee, Chesty VonBooberton, Booty Roundass, Blondie O'Largechest, Lady Assalot, or Chicken Legs."
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Ha Ha very funny. I especially don't like the last one.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
My porn name used to be Jacques Meoffe, when I was still active in that field.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My porn name would be Paddington Eighty-eight.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:25:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:16:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
i always thought it was first street + middle name
ma'am, you're about to get 4.5 inches of Jeremiah West all up in yo ass!
..............................
then that would make me "elm dick."
sloppy joe
happy elm
elm dick.
I guess they're all winners.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:23:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i had already picked out a porn name for myself: "sloppy joe"
however, if i used the formula i'd be happy elm. Sounds like i would be chinese.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i always thought it was first street + middle name
ma'am, you're about to get 4.5 inches of Jeremiah West all up in yo ass!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:10:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My porn name would be Boss Thompson.
Good name that.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sadly, I didn't get much out of this until "Anchorman" and the replies.
My porn name would be Spud Cherry (Lane). Wait, that sounds like it should be a chick's name . . .
Wait, so does "Teephphah" now that I think about it.
This is disturbing.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:46:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
My porn name (according to the traditional formula of First Pet + First Street Lived On) would be Honky Calhoun.
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Best porn name EVAR!!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:04:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't give a damn how you review it, new guy. I guess what I was saying was FUCK OFF.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What so because you admit it is rambling I should review it differently?
Doubt it..
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lady Crystal River and Heidi Locust would be the two worst-selling porn stars in history.
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uh, if i followed those rules, my name would be Lady Crystal River. WTF?!
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for anchorman
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"rambling"
No kidding, it's supposed to be.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Rambling. My porn name would be Didley Rockley.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I followed those rules, my name would be Heidi Locust.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think that Maddox is making two seperate points in both articles. People who decide to change their lifestyle for a shallow reason are quite different from those who want to call people to arms for an injustice.
Good job on calling out 50 Cent. The true irony is when someone like Jennifer Lopez or 50 Cent talk about how hard life is when on last night's episode of Cribz they were showing off their pet gerbil's $50,000 platinum exercise wheel.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My porn name (according to the traditional formula of First Pet + First Street Lived On) would be Honky Calhoun.
I realize that this makes me sound more like a minor character on Dukes of Hazzard than a porn star, but them's the rules.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My porn name would be Russel Sycamore.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen worse, but this mess sure was close.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 11:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh