Americans are dumb (1559 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.26 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AndyD (View user info) at 2005-03-09 12:24:36 EST
"What's wrong with them?"
Americans sit in their front gardens on rocking chairs all day with rifels. Listening to blue grass, while drinking home-made lemmonade. Bloody nutters. You know what 90% of Americans last words are? They're: "Hey ya'll" and "you Billy Bob Junior, watch this!"
Why are Americans so fat!? Its because they sit arround all day watching bloody talk shows. Americans all wear the same clothes. These clothes consist of a checkered shirt, a cap which says Bob's steak house, and a pair of pants with baked bean stains on them.
But thats enough about Texas... How about ghetto rap life homey? yoyo biii'atch, word up down in da ghett'o boi. I mean, come on guys, what's going on there. Theres is no need to talk like a dyslexic goat now is there. And what's going on with rap muisc? It's bollocks!!
Americans are so rubbsh, I'll give you an example of a standard american house:
Dad: Bill. Slight alcoholic who enjoys going to the game. Works at the office.
Mum: Mary-Anne. House wife, has a friend called Betty.
Kid 1: Billy junior. Slightly over wieght, enjoys picking on kids at school.
Kid 2: Marry. High school broad, dates the school jock, shes a cheer leader.
Pet Dog: Rover. Big brown dog, really lovable, seems to get involved in unfortunate happenings all the time.
Americans are actually all dyslexic, infact, it's so uncommon that an American isn't born with servere dyslexia, the ratio is now 1/1,000,000,000,000. That's actually 1 in a billion. Americans think a billion is 1,000,000,000 but that's because they're all naturally dyslexic. This is also the reason why the ones who actually can read and write can't spell properly. It is a known fact that dyslexic people often miss out vowels.
It is common knowledge that every single American is obese. Infact, can you even imagine an obese pregnant woman carrying an obese unborn child? Bloody disgusting. Well so much so that the blokes have to compete. Americans don't know what "blokes" are, because they're dyslexic. The blokes eat so much food that they actually sometimes get fatter than pregnant women. An obese person in Britain is actually anorexic in America.
Disclaimer: This is in fact a joke.
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-03-13 11:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:34:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:57:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
For it to be considered a "joke", it has to have some "humor" in it, and should usually be "funny".
Sorry what is humor? I dont really under.... oh right sorry! You must have meant humoUr! Silly americans with your crazy simple minded spelling.
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Another Brit to humiliate...I'm salivating. What no Brit will ever be able to admit is that they are, BY THEIR STANDARDS, spelling "humour" incorrectly. Why do Americans spell it wrong? Because the English "invented" the language and therefore have complete rights over it. Leave it to a Brit to think they invented the wheel just because they one day saw a wheel and started using it.
American "humor" comes from the British "humour" which comes from the Latin "humor."
American "color" comes from the British "colour" which comes from the Latin "color."
Funny how it turns out the British are actually the stupid fucks, isn't it?
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I dunno, I didn't like the first letter of the second paragraph.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"When you talk, all I hear is blah, blah blah
Baby, you got nothin' to say!"
- Rockapella
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
'Color', 'humor', 'labor', 'favor'. But they CAN spell 'rifle'.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, American are dumb. Are you one?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:55:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:57:36 (#)
Ranking: -1
A MUM IS A POTTED PLANT YOU STUPID LIMEY FUCK
Sorry mate, not in ENGLISH it isn't, not quite sure what language it is you lot speak over there if a mum is a potted plant. :-)
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Nobody sane would decide to change the word and put an "o" in the middle of mum.
This sucked, by the way.
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this was a joke? WOWOWOW you are SOO funny
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:57:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
For it to be considered a "joke", it has to have some "humor" in it, and should usually be "funny".
Sorry what is humor? I dont really under.... oh right sorry! You must have meant humoUr! Silly americans with your crazy simple minded spelling.
Oh and by the way folks this was definately funny, if not for you then at least for me, i do so love provoking you lot into a frenzy like this. Stay tuned for the next AndyD -2 fest!!
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-09 21:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-09 21:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...and a very bad joke at that.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The only reason this isn't negative is because Americans think a milliard is a billion. Foolish yanks.
Actually wait. Let's make it negative.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Better than being a valley slapper.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm Canadian which would mean I should support your point...but I don't because you're an illiterate bastard who should have been drowned at birth.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-03-09 17:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Standard British house...
Dad: Alfred. Raging alcoholic who enjoys spending all his time at the pub. The only work he does is shuffling forward slowly in the dole line. At the pub so often he wouldn't recognize his wife's twat if he fell into it, which he probably could.
Mum: Anne. Housewife addicted to C Street, EastEnders, and Jaffa Cakes. Has tea every day with Corinne from next door. During the advertisements they talk about all they things they will do once their husbands die of cirrhosis.
Kid 1: Alfie Jr. Hugely overweight because Anne indulges him every time he screams, "Mum! Mum! I want a piece of chocolate!" Enjoys sitting on kids at school and pissing through a rolled up newspaper in the middle of a good football match.
Kid 2: Alice. High school harlot, dates pretty much the entire school. Two shandies and she's a train leader. Nickname is 'Sloppy.'
Pet Dog: Simon. Simon wishes the family would get over itself and just call him a German Shepard instead of a fucking Alsatian.
Pet Bird: Terrence. Terrence is a Budgie who gaily shits on the pages of the two newspapers the family subscribes to, The Sun and The Daily Mirror. Terrence is the smartest creature in the entire council flat.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So we sit on the porch with "rifels" all day, but we also watch talk shows all day? How the hell is that possible? We can't watch talk shows all day anyways, from 5-9 am there is news, then game shows/soap operas. The only good talk shows are from 2pm - 5pm.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HEE-HAW!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
some part funny, some horrendous
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:46:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"If ONLY those crazy americans would have learned correct english in the first place, then you may never have had the piss ripped out of you!!"
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What about the fucking Welsh? Or the Irish? Or the Scots? Ew, you egocentric bitch. FUKIN' HITLER! (anyone read somethingawful.com yesterday?)
And by the way, let me show you how to execute a proper joke, a la Mel Brooks:
"All right, we'll take your Black, AND your Asian, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH."
[Cheers from the crowd]
-Blazing Saddles
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and c1ndy i have to agree with you actually, i think the disclaimer was a bit of a bad idea.
_____________________________
Posting anything under humor is generally a bad ideal as well, as you are basically proclaiming yourself to be a comedian, and pretty much asking for people to tell you otherwise.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:57:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
For it to be considered a "joke", it has to have some "humor" in it, and should usually be "funny".
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For it to be considered a "joke", it has to have some "humor" in it, and should usually be "funny".
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:00:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm with you on this one Andy, You would not believe how often I have to stop and explain what simple words mean. Do you know what's worse it's contagious. I came home to visit recently and made the mistake of asking where the trash was. I had the piss taken out of me by my English buddies for the rest of the holiday
That sounds like a truly horrific incident man, but it isn't totally your fault. If ONLY those crazy americans would have learned correct english in the first place, then you may never have had the piss ripped out of you!!
Oh and c1ndy i have to agree with you actually, i think the disclaimer was a bit of a bad idea.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:06:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:53:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
At last!! Someone gets the idea!!
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NO, we got it the first time, but it's been done so many fucking times, it's not funny or original. It's bollocks, ya limey bastid.
Submitted by Sherman (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So so...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
would've been +2 if you hadn't told me it was a joke. even if you write "THIS IS A JOKE", the spazes on here still take it seriously anyway.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm with you on this one Andy, You would not believe how often I have to stop and explain what simple words mean. Do you know what's worse it's contagious. I came home to visit recently and made the mistake of asking where the trash was. I had the piss taken out of me by my English buddies for the rest of the holiday
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:55:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:57:36 (#)
Ranking: -1
A MUM IS A POTTED PLANT YOU STUPID LIMEY FUCK
Sorry mate, not in ENGLISH it isn't, not quite sure what language it is you lot speak over there if a mum is a potted plant. :-)
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:57:36 (#)
Ranking: -1
A MUM IS A POTTED PLANT YOU STUPID LIMEY FUCK
Sorry mate, not in ENGLISH it isn't, not quite sure what language it is you lot speak over there if a mum is a potted plant. :-)
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At last!! Someone gets the idea!!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:49:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stereotypes are hilarious, especially those which are grossly inaccurate.
The rest of you are fucking retards. ;-)
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry man, I'm all up for taking the piss out of the Yanks (I've been living over here for almost 12 months now and both love and hate these crazy bastards) but this just wasn't funny.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow, a genuine dumbass
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stereotypes are hilarious, especially those which are grossly inaccurate.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know a joke isnt funny when you have to tell people its a joke.
I think Ive been here long enough to say this:
-2DIE!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rifels? We know that you third world country cave dwellers are scared of our magic boom sticks, now bow down or I'll black out the sun.
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
At least in America the jokes are usually funny, this isn't.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
please include humour in future jokes.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, real funny shit. Let's do a band-wagon thing on Sarcastic Anti-America rants. I may not be American, or a Brit for that matter, but I still can't quite 'get' it. Probably because it wasn't even half-funny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
A MUM IS A POTTED PLANT YOU STUPID LIMEY FUCK
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This reminds me of the last words my Grandfather said to me before he died:
"Fartman, put that rifel down."
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HEATWHORE
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Very good Jack, you see this is what im talking about! good responses like this!
However...
(1) You've obviously never been here - Actually i have on many many occasions
(2) If you ever come here, I'll shoot you between the eyes with my 'rifel.' - Sounds about right, being american i'm sure you have a huge arsenal of guns just for that kind of thing. Oh and sorry about the spelling, i wasn't sure if americans actually recognise correct english spelling....
(3) Then I'll let Clem and Sonny Jim (who suffer 'servere' retardation) up out of the cellar and let them take turns fucking your dead ass - Wow, gay texans? Who'd have thought it?
(4) Then I'll go on Jerry Springer and talk about it - Enough said there really
(5) Disclaimer: You are in fact a joke - That was great, did it take you all night to come up with that witty retort? really? excellent it was...
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
A few corrections (in caps):
Americans sit on their front PORCHES on rocking chairs all day with rifels. Listening to blue grass, WATCHING WWF, while CHEWING TABACCO and DRINKING 20/20.
Why are Americans so fat!? Its because they sit aRound all day watching NASCAR. Americans all wear the same clothes. These clothes consist of a checkered FLANNEL shirt, a cap which says #3 DALE EARNHARDT #3, and a pair of OVERALLS with PAINT stains on them.
Us 'mercans also be keepin' a score card 'bout how's we-all be doin' in de war on terrer. Raught now da score is: US 154,973 Them 1,501. Yee-haw!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
(1) You've obviously never been here.
(2) If you ever come here, I'll shoot you between the eyes with my 'rifel.'
(3) Then I'll let Clem and Sonny Jim (who suffer 'servere' retardation) up out of the cellar and let them take turns fucking your dead ass.
(4) Then I'll go on Jerry Springer and talk about it.
(5) Disclaimer: You are in fact a joke.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well then...One less asshole that we have to deal with.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Chinese people have slanty eyes. It's true.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*blank stare*
um.....
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a bad spin off of a bad spin off.
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh come on!! You guys can do better than that!! Call me a cock biting fucktard bitch or something???
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Disclaimer: This is in fact a joke.
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Should have left that out, watch some the wankers take this seriously anyway!
.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you sir, are an idiot
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:28:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. Just wow.
You obviously are well informed.
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I agree with Bob and I am not American.
Adding the "It's a joke" line at the end doesn't quantify this piece.
-Dave
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the humorous American insulting
-1 for adding a disclaimer
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:30:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
just not funny. at all
Submitted by SPG (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of funny, sadly mostly true
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehe, raped you say?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. Just wow.
You obviously are well informed.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked your American view of the world a lot more. This has been done a lot, and a lot better.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are going to get raped! I love it!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-09 12:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously man, I hope you don't think this was funny?