Fat Anime Nerds Need Lovins Too! (3998 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.71 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lechuga (View user info) at 2005-03-09 13:06:17 EST
As some of my constant readers and fans might know, I had an awful room mate last semester in college. This kid was a messy fat-ass who would make me crazy, as described here:(http://www.ubersite.com/m/51632). I know you're too lazy to click on the link (yes you are you vain creature, you), so I'll just give you a quick lowdown. Fatty here likes to eat, a lot, and I once caught him jacking off, eating, watching porn, playing Final Fantasy, all at the same time, and only three feet from my head. Needless to say, I moved out of there in a hurry.
This semester, UMass instituted coed rooms/suites, because of housing constraints. There was a notice sent home in the mail that said that you would get $150 knocked off of your housing fees if you signed up for the coed program. I checked the box, because that's another $150 that I can spend on beer and hookers.
I got a new notice in the mail telling me who my new roommate is, and we briefly talked on the phone about different things we would bring into the room. She seemed pretty nice, but it remained to be seen until I moved in.
I walked in the door of my room, and I saw her, and she was hot. Really hot. I was excited that I could be living with a hottie, and we could have sweet, sweet sex every night, and then pass out on the floor from exhaustion. How wrong I was. First of all, she had a boyfriend, as almost all hot girls do, and second, she was messy.
Not like my previous roommate, who left food everywhere, this girl left her clothes and her stuff everywhere. I could deal with that, at least she smelled good. But as the days went on, she became more and more of a bitch, telling me that I listen to music too loudly, come back to the room drunk and wake her up with me stumbling around, and worst of all, she had other hot friends that would come over and have fu fu bunny happy nail-polish parties, and I wasn't invited. Which meant that the bitch factor was multiplied.
How I've dealt with this for this long is amazing, my friends have helped me out a lot, and I owe a lot to my RA for letting me sleep on his couch and use his room whenever I want when I am in exile from my own. Most of the time it's because her and her dipshit boyfriend are having sex.
This kid is a mess. He loves anime, which is Japanese Animation for those who are blissfully unaware, and is a geek in every sense of the word. This kid has Magic the Gathering, Pokemon, and Yu-Gi-Oh trading card parties every Friday night at 8:00. He's about 5 inches shorter than me (5'9") and has about 70 on me as well. He is so protective of his girlfriend it sickens me, because he is whipped to the point of him being on a leash. His boobs are about as big as hers.
What I don't get is what she sees in him, besides him being ignorantly obedient. If she gets pissed off at me (for no reason, of course) she picks up her cell and gives him a call, so he can come from another building to give me a piece of his mind, or, "Teach me a lesson," as he likes to say.
Background aside, I hate this girl with the utmost intensity. Her and I have physical fights almost every day, and argue about nothing non-stop. This is why I'm moving out. Anyway, I'm listening to some Guns 'N' Roses last Saturday, and Christa (that's her name) walks into her room, on her phone, crying and screaming at one of her equally vacuous blonde friends that she's having "personal issues."
Being the insensitive asshole that I am around her, I tell her "Slash's guitar riffs are important than your stupid wailing, sweetie. Go outside to finish your obviously very important call." I get the finger, and she keeps talking. I disregard her and go back to my Chemistry homework. She continues crying, wailing, and is really starting to piss me off. Finally, I decide I'll go to work early, just to get out of the room.
I came back to find the door locked, so I thought I had some peace for a while, and Cuntmaster deLUX had gone somewhere for the night. I opened up my door to find her boyfriend sprawled out on her bed, naked, and her on top, bouncing wildly. I must say, she's hot, but the whole image of a fat short kid with his gut overflowing his frame and spilling onto the bed next to him.
Nearly speechless on the display of ugly and hotness I was witnessing, the only words that came out of my mouth were "Damn, slap that fat ass and ride the wave, right Christa?" I walked in as usual and put my stuff down, sat at my computer, and proceeded to do everything as normal, while ignoring the hellish screams to get out of the room.
Her boyfriend, clearly defeated and only a shell of a man from my amazingly clever comment, asked me to come outside so he could talk to me. Which really meant that he could threaten me with violence, and then when told to step up, back down.
Him and I are out in the hallway, with him in a towel, and he tries to reason with me.
Waddles: Dude, can you just let us finish up, and then she's going to a friend's room, and I have Anime club, so you'll have the room to yourself. Just give us ten minutes.
Justin: You . . . Need to have sex before Anime club? That's an oxymoron, bub. Anime nerds like you don't have sex. Come on, how much are you paying her?
Lardo: Dude, all joking aside, let's just be reasonable here, just go study in the lounge for like ten minutes, and then we'll be out.
Awesome kid: You know, why don't you take her to your room, and then you can finish up with her, and I can do my own work instead of wasting time in the lounge?
Tsunami of Cheese Ass: If you don't want to leave, then I'll make you leave.
Asskicker Extraordinaire: Oh really? Well then do it.
Shit-talker: Well, I don't want to ruin my mood. I'll just take her to my room then. You lucked out this time, but you keep pissing Christa off, I'll come and kick your ass, and that's a promise.
Winner: Right . . .
Thank god I'm moving out of this room after Spring Break, because I might just have to kill her, and feed her to her boyfriend.
This is a picture of Lardo and Christa. It's a terrible picture of her, because she's 10 times hotter than this, but it captures Lardo's look perfectly. You can't see his gut, but trust me, it's there.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-26 16:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-05-22 22:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-29 07:51:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat anime nerds can get hot chicks?
Then I should be knee deep in supermodels in no time!
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-05-22 21:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at him and look at her, you should be happy for them. Get a new room mate though.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-05-22 20:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadowofthedivine (user info) at 2005-05-22 20:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you're really 5 inches taller than him, punch him in the throat
or
buy a pack of yugioh cards, challenge him to a game, and throw all
of his in the fire, toilet, bubbly cheese.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-05-22 20:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick her in the ute, piss in her nail polish and shit in her pillow case.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-29 07:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat anime nerds can get hot chicks?
Then I should be knee deep in supermodels in no time!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-29 07:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god, why could I not get chicks when I was a fat anime ne-... Did I say that out loud?
I've always been this cool and beautiful.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-13 15:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You definately need to get pictures. Then run. A polaroid would work best.
I think that would put an end their crap.
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-13 15:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to find out what he has on her, or at least put a hidden cam up and get something to use on her yourself, no way that guy appeals to her.....
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-04-13 15:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna just take your word on how hot she is.
I couldn't have a female roommate, because I spend most of my time walking around in a towel. For some reason, this freaks people out for the first month or so. Then they get used to it. It
s not like they have to see my junk.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-12 12:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh, oh man, this sounds like fun. I don't know Christa's email, but Dipshit's email is IEnjoyBubblyCheese29.at.yahoo.com. Drop him a line and tell him how gay he is.
Carl Hadri is his name, by the way. The only reason I know his email is that he constantly tells me to be good around her, by sending me emails. Wow, how gay.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-03-11 23:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man, look at the yellow ass teeth. Gingivitis like a motherfucker. and the worst goatee Ive ever seen. I seriously have never wanted to punch anyone in the face so much. what a fucking tool.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-03-11 23:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it would be funny to publicly humiliate my room mate and her fatass dipshit of a boyfriend, but all of the "LIEK I WUD HAV PLUS TWOED THIS HAD U BROOTALLY MURDRUD HIM AND RAPED HER FACE LOOL" are just retarded.
________________________________________________
post his and hers e-mail. I guarantee the shit get changed in a week. and eveyrone can email her and make fun of her tubby pepperoni faced pussy boyfriend. I guarantee that fag has been getting beat up his whole life and the "i'll kick your ass" bullshit is all a front. Aside from that, you should shit in one of her shoes and then place them back into the rear of the closet.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-03-11 23:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BigJoe (user info) at 2005-03-11 22:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Couldn't you just steal her underwear?
--------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by BigJoe (user info) at 2005-03-11 22:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Couldn't you just steal her underwear?
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-11 22:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only one that's not completely retarded? "ROFL LIEK KICK HIZ AZZ MANG ITS TEH KOOL TING 2 DO LOOL!!!!!!!1111" isn't something I'm going to take to heart. Sure, I'd love to kick the fuck out of him, but a felony Assault 1 would look great to the Medical schools I'm planning on applying to in the future. The only way I'm getting into a fight is if it's needed. Clearly these people aren't important enough to me to start shit.
I thought it would be funny to publicly humiliate my room mate and her fatass dipshit of a boyfriend, but all of the "LIEK I WUD HAV PLUS TWOED THIS HAD U BROOTALLY MURDRUD HIM AND RAPED HER FACE LOOL" are just retarded.
Grow up guys, honestly.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Man I hate stories that don't have fictional but satisfying endings. I would've gone out of my way and +4'd this if you had done any of the things people mentioned earlier to this unearthly coupling.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Am I alone in noticing that the anime dork has WEBBED FINGERS?!?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-11 03:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another +2 for your shameless hitwhore on my post.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor guy.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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you should bitch slap the guy next time it's obvious he's not going to do shit.
Submitted by Hatch (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I woulda kicked that nerdy bitches ass for talking shit . Nice story
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man you got to beat that nerd sensless then give his girl the bussiness, shit you poor bugga.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-03-09 16:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ME RIKEY BOOBS
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:56:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"What I don't get is what she sees in him, besides him being ignorantly obedient."
Wait, i think you just answered your own query.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
next time, tell him to use his "vortex of love" card
combined with a "strenght of steel" card on his penis....
wait...if the cards get sticky does it ruin their value?
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's a NICE set of tits.
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-03-09 15:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2... i guess you get to live
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yessir.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny post...is he on the swim team (both buoyant and webbed fingered)!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm gonna have to knock off a point because ...
1) You didn't kick fatso's ass four ways to Sunday
b) You haven't nailed this chick.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-09 14:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck his girlfriend with your +5 Pork Sword.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:36:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you mean "not enough uber time"? You're a female Shlongy, for fuck's sake. You fucking live here.
------------------------------
hahahaha touche!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit they are webbed!!
This blows my mind for osme reason.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ewww... and he bites his nails till there's nothing left. Why would she want that to touch her??
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you mean "not enough uber time"? You're a female Shlongy, for fuck's sake. You fucking live here.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's simple, man. What you do is the following:
a) Take a shit in her mouth while she's asleep.
b) Save up your cum (once you start cumming that is) in a big jar. Once you have about 16 ounces, mix it with equal parts hot bean paste and salad shoot it up her nostrils while she's asleep.
c) Find a mangy, stray dog on the street. Put it in a cage and turn it into a vicious killer through a hearty regime of torture and neglect. Stuff the dog up her pussy while she's asleep.
Once you do the above, she'll most likely move out and be gone from your life!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
webbed fingers?
this is 2005 for christ's sake! get that kid a scalpel!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too many funny things to point out and not enough uber time.
hahahah
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're my hero.
Too funny!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"she had other hot friends that would come over and have fu fu bunny happy nail-polish parties, and I wasn't invited. "
I had to stop there and +2 this.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I too, have had roommate problems. A little different though, but still problems all the same.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61204
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61403
Both are about asshole roommates and what I did to them.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do him... I mean HER dammit HER.
-Dave
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She is pretty cute, what is the deal between them, you have to figure this out.
You laready said she smeels nice, I mean was she born with a ding dong or something. Maybe she has a glass eye, and only he knows which one to stare into, actually you would have probably figured that out by now. This is really going to bother me.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you have physical fights with her every day? she's in love with you.
why do you have a picture of 2 people you hate?
so you share an actual room? with a gurl? blimey- the USA is progressive!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should be banging her like a broke screen door in a windstorm.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
must...be...shenanigans...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i would just masturbate all over everything...well, i do that anyway...i'm just sayin
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it.
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 because i enjoyed the post
-1 for not kicking his ass when he threatens you
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-09 13:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the worst roommate luck ever. My condolences.