The rules of Shotgun and sometimes rash causing consequences (1021 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by whiskeyjack (View user info) at 2005-03-09 19:39:23 EST
It's finally happening, after so long in the dark I finally bring the light. I've come to enlighten you on one of the most important things there is. That's right I've come to teach you all of the rules of shotgunning.
Now many of you are probably saying "But I've been shotgunning for years, what can you teach me?" Well the answer to that is a lot. I studied under the great Shogun master Shotty McDibs. Also during my time on this planet I've seen countless times people abuse shotgun and then the horrible consequences. I myself have even had to face the horrors of having someone misuse shotgun against me. And so I've seen it as my duty to inform everyone out there of shotgunning and the potential dangers involved when the rules are broken.
Presenting the Rules of Shotgun:
1. The first and single most important rule of shotgun. If someone else calls shotgun first then you must submit to defeat and let them have their desire. If you break shotgun be prepared to face the terrible and sometimes itchy consequences.
2. You must be able to see the object before you can shotgun it. It doesn't matter if you see it through a window as long as you can see it. Everyone hates those crapshacks that shotgun front seat when you're all still inside the hospital punching coma victims.
3. Everyone involved must hear you proclaim shotgun. So it doesn't count if your one of those wankers who tries to whisper it thinking that latter you can use that to get whatever it is you shotgunned. Everyone must hear it and will then be obliged to obey.
4. You can only call shotgun for right then you cannot call it for sometime far in advance. Also after five minutes if you haven't obtained what you shotgunned then shotgun is off. This is to prevent dirty little dib-nazi's from permanently shogunning something.
5. Also it is your duty to your fellow man to take out anyone who breaks shotgun. If you see someone break shotgun you must make sure they pay for breaking these sacred rules. And if someone doesn't punish someone they see break shotgun you must also punish them.
No to make sure the importance of proper shotgunning rules I'll give you some well know examples of the consequences of breaking shotgun.
You of the most famous cases of the consequences of breaking shotgun has to do with how the angel Lucifer was cast out of Heaven.(though no Churches will admit to this known truth) You see some time in the past God had just invented the Go-kart (unquestionable one of his best inventions), and was showing it to the angels Michael and Lucifer. Being a quick thinker Michael quickly shouted "SHOTGUN FIRST RIDE!" for all to hear. Unfortunately for poor Michael, Lucifer was already consumed with desire to go putting around the tire ringed track. So the bastard dashed to the Go-Kart and hopped in, speeding away before Michael could stop him. But that wasn't the end of it, because God had also just recently invented the rules of shotgun(which I give to you today). And so in following the rules he and Michael waited for the Lucifer to finally come to a stop when the Go-Kart finally ran out of gas. When he did they simply looked at him and then with one mighty swing of his manly hand God bitch slapped Lucifer out of Heaven and into Hell.
Another time ties in with the death of Julius Caesar. Caesar and his top dawg Brutus heading to a party celebrating Caesar's knew play about himself. While there Caesar and Brutus both noticed there was only one thing of beef jerky left. Brutus let out a mighty bellow "I Shotgun that beef jerky DAMNIT!" But that greedy dingleberry Caesar snatched it up anyways and stuffed the whole ting in his mouth in one go. So Brutus waited and on the Ides of March he got the rest of the Senate that had witnessed Caesar breaking shotgun all together and they stabbed the S.O.B. They cut that fucker up something awful.
The last example I'll give you is the rapper Tupac. After a night of gambling in Vegas Tupac and his crew where finally ready to head back to their hotel room. Now while Suge Knight actually called shotgun for front seat, Tupac all full of booze and ego jumped into the front seat first. Now unfortunately for Tupac a group of guys witnessed this blatant breaking of shotgun, and so in following the second part of the Fifth Rule they followed Tupac. And when they caught up to him they punished that bastard and busted a cap in his shotgun breaking ass. Unfortunately the consequences of that were the countless Tupac albums that have come out since his death. He must be the first rapping zombie. Straight outta da grave FOO!
So remember these rules and remember the terrible consequences; which range from mild rash and uncomfortable bowel movements to death to a eternity ruling Hell. Cause if you don't follow these rules you're letting them when. And we don 't want them to win now do we.
User Reviews
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-09-02 05:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow I was just reading some of my old posts from like a year ago and this is truly brutal. I'm ashamed. -2 DIE past NoOb Self!!!elvensy!!
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-08-28 15:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow this was done shittily
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-09 22:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In all honesty I hadn't seen this site http://www.shotgunrules.com/ or anything else about rules of shotgun. Even though I'm not that surprised that tis has been done I haven't seen any of it. And yeah d_prime I have had this post half done for a while and decided to just get it done.
Submitted by kochier (user info) at 2005-03-09 22:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
2. You must be able to see the object before you can shotgun it. It doesn't matter if you see it through a window as long as you can see it. Everyone hates those crapshacks that shotgun front seat when you're all still inside the hospital punching coma victims
When I think it should go is if people say "K it's time to go" that is the time to call shotgun, it doesn't have to be in sight you just have to have the intention of going to the vechile. After 5 minutes and you still haven't made it to the vechile shotgun is up for grabs again.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-09 21:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
As if this hasn't been done before.
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-03-09 21:10:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.shotgunrules.com/
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
nothing new, you're a retard, grow up.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That was pretty entertaining, and not just as far as humour. Still, it seemed like the work of someone who has good English but did it really fast and without editing.