Sickedy sick, sick. FUCK. (NSFW) (1690 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.41 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by pen_name (View user info) at 2005-03-09 19:46:12 EST
I am sick. Not mental illness sick, but throw up on your chicken parmesan sick. I feel so horrible I think I could be dying. My head is warm, my body is cold, and my throat feels like I have been gargling nails.
Who gives a shit—right?
Right.
So, what the fuck am I supposed to do to make you care? Should I sing and dance? Should I make you some origami? Nothing says friendship like well-crafted origami.
Fuck it, I'm too sick to fold. Maybe I could get my blood drawn and show you my virus at 500% magnification. That won't work. You'll just get pissed off.
"What the fuck does this asshole think he is doing showing me his God damn blood? Doesn't he know that I have Herpes and would love blood like that. Prick."
And if it's not the pissed off folk, I might get a few weirdos who get hard-ons at the sight of spikey proteins. Then I'll get all sorts of invitations to virus orgies. NO THANKS.
Oh God, my spleen hurts. It's probably infected. I wonder how many people die a year from infected spleen. Probably just guys with internet handles like pen_name.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. Everything is fucking blue.
WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING BLUE?
Christ, I need an eye-a-botomy. I wonder what that entails. I bet this means that I have to get my corneas circumcised. I wonder what kind of super powers I have now. Let me see if I can see through the wall.
Nope. I bet I have the x-ray vision where you can't see through drywall. What a bunch of useless shit. Fucking eyes.
But hey, did you see that show "Blind Justice" last night. Some cop is shot in the head, can't see, and is still able to be a detective. Maybe I can get that voice recognition software and dictate these wonderful posts.
Me: "I was walking down the street one day period"
Computer: "I was king town tea sweet won gay menstrual fluid"
Me: "No, you fuck! It's Street, Day, PERIOD!"
Computer: "Jerkoff."
Fucking computer. My computer is laughing at me now. I know it. It's like "haha, you sorry bastard, you update my Norton Antivirus all the time and fail to take care of your sorry self. I hope your innards melt!
Can innards melt? If my computer is right, I'm going to fucking punch it in the face.
Oh great I just coughed some liquid into my hand. It could be blood or mucus. I can't tell. IT'S FUCKING BLUE!
Christ, I should take a picture of my hand, then maybe you guys could tell me what color it is. No, I won't gross you guys out. My new friends. My new sympathetic brethren.
Ok, I am going to find some pictures on my comp and make a collage.
User Reviews
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and a linkwhore for anyone else
who has been sick at work
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75893
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-09-28 05:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya!
Good Stuff
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-06-30 02:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
for some reason the guy stretching and taking a piss made me laugh so hard.
maybe I need sleep
hope you feel better though...
ever get knocked out by a blow to the head?
everything gets all green...
kinda cool.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-30 01:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is jared all right. An example to us all.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-30 01:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
is that fat guy Jared from subway?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-30 01:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry man...it slipped out.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HA
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-30 01:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
please, no more of your penile onslaught.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-10 14:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The montage alone is worth a +1.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-09 22:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck the peace. Anarchy...total anarchy is where it's at, son.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wasn't kidding; i really had typed that out. At the last second i erased it to keep the tranquility of the post. i'm all about the fucking peace.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:17:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Alright, perhaps I was a bit hasty with my rating.
Have a +1, but just QUIT WHINING.
You're beginning to sound like Little Tommy Sorrell, and trust me, that's the LAST thing you want on your resume.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Computer: "I was king town tea sweet won gay menstrual fluid"
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That there is funny shit.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shlong...not amazing at all. i thought about putting my mucus pic there and telling everyone but you to scroll past...since it would be impossible to win you over. then you could tell me what color it was.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:54:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
all posts need to specify in the title when they are NSFW due to the involvement of a penis. +2 get better though.
.....
thanks. i didn't mention the penis because there is so little of it. like only 22 percent. at 30 percent i "always" mention dong.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-09 20:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Amazingly enough, I STILL don't give a shit.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Moonlight Graham
You saw it! You son of a bitch you saw it!
Saw what?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-09 19:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all posts need to specify in the title when they are NSFW due to the involvement of a penis. +2 get better though.