Parties are a bad place to talk STDs (621 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gle_ek <kyle.at.feakerspeedback.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-10 04:39:59 EST
I met a girl. I work in a bar, so it's not unusual, but the normal quality of young ladies a guy meets working in a bar is rather low, so when you meet a good one it takes you by surprise. This girl was awesome. My age, teacher, roller derby skater. Hot - hot - hot...
We hung out a couple of times. Nothing too serious, because I knew she just found her way out of a rotten relationship and I tend to come on a little strong and scare them off. I'm learning my lesson about that. Everything seemed to be going really well, and so the progression to serious groping and spending the night together after just a few days was welcome. But we never had sex. A few days is a little quick, so I didn't really think it was weird, but the everything-except-sex was definitely getting intense and I was having to keep my head to remain gentlemanly. I managed.
She came and watched my band play one night, and I weaseled my way out of loading our equipment out of the club so the two of us could get some food and back to my place for fun and games. There were incredible fun and games. In the morning I saw her out and went to work to get my schedule. When I got there, my roommate called me to a quiet table because he had something he "needed to talk to me about." He sat me down and said "You know that girl you been seeing?"
I glowed.
"Yeah..."
"I don't want to be the one to tell you, but I heard she has the 'gift that keeps on giving' if you know what I mean."
I knew what he meant. H-Bomb. That's the herpes, for the uninitiated. My heart fell into my stomach.
"Who told you that? Are you sure it's her?"
I was stranded somewhere between disbelief that it could be true of such a great girl, relief that we hadn't slept together, and complete disappointment that I had finally met a nice woman and was going to have to deal with this.
His source was as credible as they come, considering the subject matter would be held under lock and key by anyone afflicted by such a disease. Supposedly, one in ten has it, but I only know of two. Keep it secret. Keep it safe. It was likely just a rumor, but even nice people get herpes from time to time. I had two options.
1. Blow her off and feed her some excuse about how it wasn't working out and I really didn't see the relationship going anywhere. But I did see the relationship going somewhere, so I went with
2. Come out and ask her if it's true and pray for the best.
This is where I fucked up. I sat on that information all day. It weighed on me. It never left my mind. I don't care how many Valtrex commercials I see on TV. Call me shallow, but I wouldn't be interested in risking it if Gwyneth Paltrow promised me marriage with no pre-nup. I had to find out. I worked the bar that night and she came in to see the bands playing. I treated her no different than any other night. I was quick to buy her a drink and smiled and winked. I made small talk with her and accepted her invitation to meet her at a party. We had so far shyed away from much PDA, but she leaned across the bar and said,
"I could just kiss you right now in front of everybody."
I waited for her to do it, and when she didn't, I turned and served a customer. My heart was breaking in the most cliche sense of the phrase. I really can't put into words how sweet and bright and dead-fucking-sexy this woman is. And deep down, I knew I was going to blow it just by asking a question I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to.
I met her at the party like I said I would. I played it cool for a little while. We chatted. We drank from a keg. We made eyes, but in the back of my mind it was all building up to,
"Hey, I need to talk to you. Can we get out of here? I really need to talk to you."
"What's up?"
"I just need to talk to you about something. Can we go for a little bit?"
"Tell me what's going on."
"Just, can we go talk somewhere?"
She grabbed me by the hand and led me to a little room with an air mattress in it and flopped on the mattress. She smiled that smile that she smiles and her eyes never left mine. In hindsight, I am pretty sure she was waiting for me to profess my love or try to give her a key to my house. Instead:
"What's up?"
"You are about to stop smiling."
She didn't.
"What happened?"
"I heard from somebody that you might have herpes."
Wrong.Wrong.Wrong.Wrong.Wrong. I knew immediately that I had been misinformed. And I couldn't take it back. Her expression turned 180. She was instantly hostile.
"Who told you that? Where did you hear that?!"
"A friend of mine told me..."
"Who was it? Nobody in this town knows me! Who told you that?"
"I can't say."
"Well, it's not true!"
"I believe you, but how could I not ask you? You would ask me..."
"No I wouldn't! Do you think I would screw around with you if I did have it? How could you even ask me that?"
This thought had occured to me. What else had occured to me was that if everyone who had it just quit screwing around, we wouldn't have herpes in the world. And I had to admit that I didn't know very much about her.
"You don't even know me!! It's none of your fucking business!!"
"Well, yeah. It kind of is my business, don't you think?"
"We aren't having sex!"
"True, but I spent all morning thinking about us having sex, and then you masturbated in front of me. Was it not leading up to sex? 'Cause I was kind of hoping it was."
"What the fuck?! Who told you that?"
At this point, I was feeling so ashamed and miserable and suddenly out of control that I gave up my friend who was nearby and in for a confrontation. She bolted out of the room and cornered my roommate who was pumping the keg. I was a few seconds behind her, so I missed a beginning of the conversation, but it basically went,
"Who told you that."
"I'm not telling you. I heard it and I had to tell my friend I heard it. You would do the same for your friend."
"Well you tell them it's not true and fuck you for spreading a rumor like that!"
She turned to me.
"I can't believe you would bring this up at a party."
Then she left.
She called me the next evening, and I will say that I am less taken with her now. Her main gripe, beyond I came to her about it at a party (which I confess was in poor taste and for which I apologized profusely) is that nobody knows her and she hates this town where someone would say something like that. She went on and on about it. I understand that she is pissed off and very embarrassed, but of course I was hoping for something along the lines of "I'm glad you came to me about it instead of brushing me off, and I'm sorry this had to happen. I hope we can push through it because I think you are a swell guy. After all, I wouldn't rub my clitoris in front of a guy I didn't think was swell." But that's not what I got. I got a guilt trip. She doesn't want to see me anymore.
I guess in the end she doesn't want a guy who will bring up her sexual history on an air mattress and I don't want a girl who is so bent about her public persona that she can't forgive that guy.
User Reviews
Submitted by gle_ek (user info) at 2005-03-11 01:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn. I don't think I want anything to do with that. I might have to declare ignorance. Unless she takes to my brother or something.
This has been very insightful so far. Thanks for the comments.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-10 23:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
it's all a bit weird if you ask me... whether she does or doesn't have herpes (probably does) why do people in a town where "nobody knows her" appear to have this information?
i guess this is the last you will hear of her, until you see that she has just started seeing some guy and then you tell him she has herpes?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-03-10 23:09:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-10 09:59:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
The fact that she overreacted so dramatically makes me think that she probably is hiding something.
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Come to think of it, Jeaneee has a point - if she got really defensive at an innocent yes/no question instead of answer it directly, chances are she does have it. Maybe she has worse.
Once again, I congratulate you for doing the right thing, and damn the chick to hell. :)
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-10 17:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you did the right thing. Can't be too careful these days.
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-03-10 14:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-03-10 12:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if she dumped you, she's got it. that simple. any woman without the herp would gladly tell you that she doesn't have it and just move on, maybe get a LITTLE pissed that someone suggested that she might have it.
you dodged a bumpy red bullet, pal.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-10 11:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well....you've already seen her at her worst.
If she gets over it, keep her. If not, it's her loss.
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2005-03-10 10:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
did she actually deny it, point blank.... because it doesnt seem so
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-03-10 10:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The guy down below who said that she protested too much is right on the money.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-10 09:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, that really sucks. I'm sorry.
The fact that she overreacted so dramatically makes me think that she probably is hiding something. Maybe it's herpes, maybe not, but you're probably better off without her either way. She sounds like a real drama queen.
Submitted by gle_ek (user info) at 2005-03-10 08:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:02:37 (#)
Ranking: -1
When in doubt, double bag my friend. Don't ask until you notice something or she brings it up. What a dork on you are. Seriously, why ask until you have more evidence than just heresay from your douche bag friend.
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Evidence? You mean like oozing pustules on my balls?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-10 07:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have no advice. but i feel for you.
better safe than sorry.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can only imagine how terrible you must feel, but you were in the right. You had every right to ask this chick if she had any venereal disease if she was starting to show signs of wanting to bed you.
I think she overreacted (to say the least). OK, maybe a party wasn't the absolute best place to ask, but if she was coming on strong, and there was some possibility of getting it on that night (it seems like the chance was there) it would be important to ask then and there. If this chick expects to masturbate in front of you, she should at least have the courtesy to just tell you she's clean when you ask, and then get on with life.
Then again, if you believe in fate or religion or something, maybe it was meant to happen. If this girl is too much of a bitch to handle an important question (and especially if the tries to put you through a guilt trip) maybe it's better to abort the relationship early...letting it go too long could result in you trapped in a relationship with some bitchy whore who you can't even comment nicely on.
If you still feel guilty, remember that she's trying to guilt trip you. I hate people who do this; you obviously are smart enough to know what she's doing, and she's assuming you're a gullible dumbass by trying to pull it off. This guilt trip is an insult to your intelligence. Maybe you could arrange a tactical nuclear strike on the bitch; that would show her.
I can't for the life of me understand why she got so distraught. Maybe you got unlucky and caught her around her monthly. The bottom line: you were right, she was wrong, and she's a douche. I salute you. 9 times.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-10 06:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story. No advice for you though.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
When in doubt, double bag my friend. Don't ask until you notice something or she brings it up. What a dork on you are. Seriously, why ask until you have more evidence than just heresay from your douche bag friend.
Here's what you do: kick the shit out of your friend "because it's his fault" and because you need to hit something. Then call the girl and kiss ass like you never have before. Don't be above begging, you're used to it.
Then have some dip and call me in the morning.
Banga
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked your first post way better. Keep writing.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Back in the day, I would even "hit" someone I knew to be "hot".
But no more. I'd rather put my "willie", on bread and water, for
a few days, than be on my hands and knees looking for where
it dropped off, after the same few days.
Me think she protested too much!
Without a doubt....a good call on your part!
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2005-03-10 04:53:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it's shitty but I mean come on, would you rather be happy working in a bar where you can meet people or stuck, fucking the STD riddled whore?