I'm a dumbass (27694 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.32 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rixes (View user info) at 2005-03-11 00:15:40 EST
Yeah, like you didn't know already.
I was going to make a list of reasons why I'm a dumbass, but instead I wrote a short biography of my criminal life from the age of 12-14. I left a lot out, but 14-20 is where it gets really good anyway.
I started stealing things at an early age, I began small, a couple bucks from the grandparents here and there until they found out, when they did, my grandma told me the money didn't matter and she loved me or some crap like that. It's the one nice memory I have of her. After that well went dry, I moved on to my junior high school. I was in band back in the day and I happened to notice that when you buy reeds and other instrument accesories from the teacher, she would put all the money in the bottom drawer of a file cabinet...KA-CHING. I made probably a good two or three hundred sneaking in at lunch time before they caught on and started locking the door. If I remember right, most of the loot was spent on starburst and skittles. Eventually they somehow found out and I was brought into the office sniveling away saying I only took 10 bucks one time, and the idiots bought it. Another profitable source of income lost.
Several months later, officer freindly came up to me in the lunch room and asked me if I would come with him. I knew this cop, I had bullshitted with him before but otherwise hadn't had much contact with him. Now it happened to be April Fools Day of ALL the fucking days it could be. So I'm thinking this is a big joke for some reason. That stopped when we got out to the car and he asked me to get in the BACK seat. Now I start to sweat a little bit, I'm mentally going over all the things I've done recently that would warrant a ride in the back of a squad car. We take a short and silent ride down to the station and he puts me in an interrogation room. He asks me why I think I'm here, and thinking like a 12 year old, I say "Porn?". I had recently found internet porn and I wasn't 18 yet obviosuly, but I clicked on the buttons that said click here if you are 18. I figured I broke some kind of porn law.
I guarantee those pigs were laughing about that later on, it turned out, some little dick told a teacher I threatened to bomb the school. They searched my room and found a bowl full of, as they described it, "a white powdery substance". It was actually borax for some science project if I remember right. Anyway I avoided trouble for a while until I got to high school, I graduated to breaking and entering as a freshman. And who's house do I choose to bust into? My 2nd grade teacher that lives across the street. I got nearly 500 dollars and a gameboy with like 10 games. That was over the course of about 2 months, finally on my 5th or 6th time busting in, they happened to come home for lunch. Here comes the same cop, same backseat, same interrogation room. It really kind of sunk in that day, I could go to jail. I've never stolen anything since then and probably never will. Gas stations and carnivals don't count though.
And now for something completely differnet, this is what boobs look like in Iraq.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-12 16:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Iraq,tits uh,
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 10:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh freedom titties, i'd suck the sand out of that titty!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-11 09:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure are.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-11 09:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd liberate her holy lands.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-11 09:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-11 08:17:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
You like how I keep my sense of humor humor through this crisis?
Very much so. I did do a report on idenity theft. That sucks man, good luck with that shit.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-03-11 08:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-11 08:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You like how I keep my sense of humor humor through this crisis?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-11 08:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, she didn't write the Personal Identification Number number on the card Spook.
The wonderful world of credit/debit fraud goes well beyond access to an Automatic Teller Machine machine.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-11 08:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-11 01:58:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you. Fuck criminals. Fuck Electro.
I had some fucker clean my bank account out tonight. They were able to to that because they stole my wife's debit card from her purse.
So fuck off. And die.
Did she write the fucking PIN number on the card?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-03-11 04:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HEART IRAQI BOOBIES
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-11 01:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you. Fuck criminals. Fuck Electro.
I had some fucker clean my bank account out tonight. They were able to to that because they stole my wife's debit card from her purse.
So fuck off. And die.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A tool huh? I always thought I was just narcissistic, go figure.
Submitted by PrescriptionX (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man, that chick's cookie is huge, it's half her damn boob!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That chick would actually be hot if she had proper hygiene and comforts we have here. Nice boob.
Shitty post though. It ends up being even only because while I think you're a tool, you're articulate, which goes a long way in my Uber books.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, 2nd person within the half hour to post a nsfw post without showing anything about it being (NSFW!}
What is happening? Has some people made it their mission to get someone fired?
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MY GOD! THIS IS THE 2ND NSFW WITHIN THE HALF HOUR!
WTF?
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what, take that NSFW and shove it up your ass you little bitch, If you scroll down to fast it's not my problem, nothing popped up on the screen, you scrolled to it.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-11 00:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NSFW you dumb fuck