Fun With Real E-Mail, Part 1,956. Blowing the lid off the whole conspiracy (6275 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (View user info) at 2005-03-11 13:53:22 EST
So you think that having a little fun over inter office email is just harmless fun?
Think again you jihad supporting mother bitch!
I recently learned from inside sources, that after Tom Sorrell AKA: BuckeyesTHEGAME last released "Fun With Real E-Mail, Part Eleventy Billion, Volume 6", he successfully copyrighted "Any and all humorous quotations, quips, and or remarks contained within any email that uses any web server owned or operated by any registered business entity."
So you might be saying to yourself:
"Good for Tom! Now that he's going to be a bajillionairre I can bring up all of the +2's I've given him and get that sweet ass corvette I've always wanted, and now Jesse's girl will finally be mine!"
Or you're thinking:
"I'm gonna visit Tom to wish him well, then slip on his kitchen floor and sue him for a double cheeseburger and 1.2 billion dollars, which I'll then turn around and use to buy one wonderful night with his wife. That way he'll be forced to jump out of an airplane dressed like Elvis if he ever wants a chance at getting her back! Mwah hah hah hah"
Hopefully you're not thinking:
"Ohhh Mr. Sorrell! Me Love you long time. I let you re-enact Blink 182 scenario bukkake style on me three times daily as long as you buy me things"
Aside from alerting you to his newfound fortune and assuring that my Law degree I bought from Sally Struthers will be worth the $19.95 + Shipping and Handling I paid yesterday, I'm doing something patriotic.
Now when I say patriotic you probably get visions of Rambo in Afghanistan taking on 3 companies of Russian military, 22 Hind attack helicopters, and an armored division with nothing more than his trusty .50 caliber machine gun and his racing donkey "Blitzkrieg Bob". But I mean patriotic like "Look at me I support the troops! I'm a REAL AMERICAN because I spent 5 dollars on a yellow ribbon magnet and a stick on American Flag!"
Now where was I?
Oh yea, Tom Sorrell = Osama bin Laden + Chemical Ali + Saddam Hussein + Barney the purple dinosaur.
That's right.
You see because every time you send a funny email to your boss or anyone named Brian, Tom's email servers take the cash from that transaction and deposit money in the bank account of JPLUMKCP or "Jihadist's for the Purchase of Landmines Used to Maim and Kill Children and Puppies". That kinda puts things into perspective doesn't it? It used to be hilarious that Brian was threatening Tom with unemployment, but now it's only "Ha Ha" because somewhere some little boy is holding a leash with what looks like a pound of hamburger on the other end.
Every time an email about "LOTI" is mentioned, snickered at or even the cause of one of your wet dreams at work, again terrorists gain. I traced the contributions this time to TIAMFPTIOKWSCSB or "The International Association of Making Fat People Think It's OK to Wear Skimpy Clothes or Speedo's at the Beach." So when your cruising around the elementary school parking lot in your unmarked 1972 Chevy Van offering the kids candy and rides to a special place, remember that over 32 billion people every year will stare at the sun and burn their retinas out because of the whale of a woman in biker shorts and a halter top.
Now you may be asking yourself "Why does it burn when I pee?" I'd tell you it's because she was a slut, and you should have known better seeing how you stood in line for six hours, and had to stick your leg up to the thigh to get a little friction in that thing, but that's another topic. I was referring to "What if I make jokes about scanning in stuff?"
Making jokes about scanning are the reason that earth is the only habitable planet in this solar system. Back in 1974 this was all the rage on Mars, Venus, and even Uranus (snicker), but it soon got out of control, much like every retard quoting Napoleon Dynamite, and lead to the complete obliteration of entire planets of life. In fact the last transcripts between the almighty leaders of Mars are presented as proof:
To: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
From: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
Subject: Scanning
Are you scanning today?
--
To: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
From: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
Subject: re: Scanning
No, I'm very busy, I'll scan tomorrow.
--
To: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
From: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
Subject: re: scanning
Look Tom I mean Ooordbet, I need this stuff scanned really bad.
--
To: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
From: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
Subject: re: Scanning
That's it, I can't do this anymore. From now on, don't call me Tom. I refuse to be called by that slave name another day. From this moment forward, I will be called Eki Fa-Clang Shabazz Jihad.
--
To: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
From: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
Subject: re: Scanning
WHAT? Listen here, I NEED this stuff scanned in, it's VERY important. You WILL do it today.
--
To: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
From: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
Subject: re: Scanning
Oh, yes ma'am. I be sorry for da backtalk. Please don't raise yo voice, massa. Jet me juss strap up ma overalls and come in from da cotton fields and I do it right away for you, massa. Is there anything else the lady would like? Please don't take da whip to me again!
--
To: Ooordbet Almighty Leader of West Mars
From: Flaght Almighty Leader of ummm East Mars?
Subject: re: Scanning
What is wrong with you? Why can't you just e-mail like a normal person?
You know what? Fuck this!
I negate our existence. I'm going to use my Delorean to go back in time and touch myself and fuck up the whole space time continuum.
As if all of this weren't enough of some crazy conspiracy on a person who has been up the last 14 days huffing paint thinner could come up with, I present the uhhhh like masterpiece of evidence or whatever.
Since his Fun With Real Email series Tom Sorrell has:
Made B@W 12 times
Made the MVA
OSU stopped sucking as a team
1.2 Million People in Africa have died of Aids.
Your significant other has left you for someone else
Crystal Clear Pepsi came back
Gandhi was arrested for street fighting
And
50 cent started assaulting people with chicken bones.
Think about people.
Don't let him brainwash you anymore.
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-06 01:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If i was to say "Hit-whore" 95% of uber would automatically think of you Adam.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-04-06 01:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You little hit-whore, you.
+2.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-15 02:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Adam, this was excellent! You're quickly climbing the ladder on my favourite posters of Uber list. Well done.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-03-14 17:49:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the Beard of Zeus, this was funny.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-03-14 15:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always been reluctant to call myself a fan of yours, but this won me over. Awesome.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:24:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
All this time...i've been such a fool. I can't believe I didn't see these connections before now. Perhaps I should start every Monday with a six pack of beer. or not...
=========================
Start it like a man.
A fifth of Jack Daniels and a bowl of lucky charms AFTER you hit homeless people with you 68 RAM Charger
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All this time...i've been such a fool. I can't believe I didn't see these connections before now. Perhaps I should start every Monday with a six pack of beer. or not...
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, definitely made me laugh.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:35:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by colinw (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:27:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow
That didn't even make sense. Just keep on doing what you're doing Tom, it's hilarious.
----------------------------------
Come on now, even I thought it was funny...
===============================
Some folks don't get parody
Hey colinw click this and get a clue
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=parody
if your still lost try this one
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Blow&Me
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:35:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by colinw (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:27:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow
That didn't even make sense. Just keep on doing what you're doing Tom, it's hilarious.
----------------------------------
Come on now, even I thought it was funny...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the link to the crystal clear pepsi.
Submitted by colinw (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow
That didn't even make sense. Just keep on doing what you're doing Tom, it's hilarious.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:56:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
You've gotten of 64,000 hits off of those 9 posts. Goddamn do people like them...
----------------------
Don't I know it... Part 3 is outrageous.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-14 10:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very GLALL... I liked it though
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:56:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:46:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
You hit-whore... nice use of the Uber Board.
=============
I figure mondays are slow so.....
You've gotten of 64,000 hits off of those 9 posts. Goddamn do people like them...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You hit-whore... nice use of the Uber Board.
Submitted by Rookie (user info) at 2005-03-13 12:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God that kicked ass. I'm gonna go jerk off now thinking about that six hour line
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-13 12:31:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i am SHOCKED. shocked and AROUSED.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-11 20:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't find this funny. I found it EYE-OPENING!
Eye-opening like when Rowdy Roddy Piper found those sunglasses and could see the aliens. Then he and a black guy kicked each other in the balls for 15 minutes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-11 19:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't imagine that productivity is way up in Adam's department at work since it seems that there's not much more going on in his cubicle besides 3 posts a day...and jacking off.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-11 19:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Screw off. I like them posts about tom screwing around with email.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-11 19:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
At least there was no photo
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-11 18:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You post too much now.
You used to be cool
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-03-11 17:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1337
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:13:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
======================
And the other alter comes a callin
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-03-11 16:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:48:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
==============
OMG another alter -2ed me!
Oh Noes!
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:28:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
crystal clear pepsi was the bomb.
===========================================
I know, I need some donations to buy it on ebay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=39501&item=6161699001&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW
Ol Tom's holding out on us
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
crystal clear pepsi was the bomb.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:23:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I would be mad too if I had'nt seen my pecker in 5 years. The poor fat bastard.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:20:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
...To try to impress his friends.
He's always fucking with me, throwing rocks at me, and calling me stinkynuts.
He went overboard last week.
He chucked a fucking cinder block at me.
It was fucked up, youi know? It chipped one of my horns.
That kid's like a sick fuck.
You know, he's going to grow up to fucking kill somebody.
==================
what the hell man if they're comin at ya.....ahhh you know the rest
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He's still mad because after his "step up to the microphone" post. He called me out and I showed him how pathetic he was. He actually cries on the post.
He only gives -2's to those he wishes he could be.
Hell if you can't be liked on a website where you remain anonoymus, what chance do you have in real life?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...To try to impress his friends.
He's always fucking with me, throwing rocks at me, and calling me stinkynuts.
He went overboard last week.
He chucked a fucking cinder block at me.
It was fucked up, youi know? It chipped one of my horns.
That kid's like a sick fuck.
You know, he's going to grow up to fucking kill somebody.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:14:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there he goes again, getting that fat kid aggression out again
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
t minus 18 minutes and counting.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this was fantastic!
great job me!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:02:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Heres another, I know it doesnt count. But hell after all the link whoring you did for this post you deserve it.
===========================================
I'm just waiting to duck out early.
Time...soo...slow...on.....Friday
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heres another, I know it doesnt count. But hell after all the link whoring you did for this post you deserve it.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 15:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:57:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
really? Crystal Pepsi?
===================
Really!
Just look at this:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=39501&item=6161699001&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW
He's selling the shit on Ebay
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:54:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Scotch, scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.
=======================
Who am I to disagree.
I trust you're drinking GOOD scotch....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
really? Crystal Pepsi?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Scotch, scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:02:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
What the shit?
--Rambo's Racing Donkey
------------------------
Hahahahahahahaha. And a +eleventy to you sir.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:32:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, maybe you do have a sense of humor.
==============================
As if there was ever any doubt.....
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:24:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend of Zelda's main character-whore:
THE INSPIRATION OF ADAM
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61658
=====================================
I knew I forgot something
Sorry about the lack of linkage, please tell all the homeless people you sent over I'm sorry.
One guy hit me with his fake leg
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:32:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:20:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn the heroin like addictiveness that is Crystal Clear Pepsi..
What?!
===============================
Tom Sorrell has some of it for sale on ebay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=39501&item=6161699001&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, maybe you do have a sense of humor.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:26:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:24:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend of Zelda's main character-whore:
THE INSPIRATION OF ADAM
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61658
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold!
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe. Clever
Submitted by Dannie (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn the heroin like addictiveness that is Crystal Clear Pepsi..
What?!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:15:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderfully random, LIKE YOUR MOM!
What?
=========================
Avals,
I wish you would not divulge the fact that my mother is a powerball ticket. Allthough she is a different set of numbers every day, she is worth millions, and comes in scantron form I might remind you.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:13:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Plus you used the number "eleventy." I admire that in a person.
=========================
Counting in numbers that "mortals" use is far too simple for me. Besides making up data is all I do at work. Did you know black people are 87% more likley to have some sort of ancestral descent from an African Nation than somebody named Pedro.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderfully random, LIKE YOUR MOM!
What?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:13:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Plus you used the number "eleventy." I admire that in a person.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:10:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
This certainly has it's moments of hilarity/hilariousness, um err
funny parts! Yeah thats what I mean
-----------------------
This is an expose, not a satirical take on a popular ubersite institution.
PLEASE PEOPLE!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This certainly has it's moments of hilarity/hilariousness, um err
funny parts! Yeah thats what I mean
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:02:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
What the shit?
--Rambo's Racing Donkey
=================================
You need to always reply with that as your signature
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, at least the title of the post was entertaining.
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was fucking classic
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the shit?
--Rambo's Racing Donkey
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-11 14:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK SHIT COCKSUCKER PIECE OF MONKEY FUCKING SHIT ASSHOLE BITCH CUNT RAPE WHORE PIE FUCK FISH SCISSORS SWIMMING SALIVA SASSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh, sorry about that.
Tourette's...
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-11 13:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty funny in some parts.