Fun and Games and Bomb Threats, Oh My! (759 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: healthcare_tales
Rating: 1.4 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bonnie <forensicgirl3.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-11 22:25:15 EST
I attest that the following account is a true and accurate account of outrageous stupidity.
I work at a hospital as a phlebotomist (the person who draws your blood) to support myself while in grad school. The hospital that I work at is a county hospital which means that we service a wide range of people; those with health insurance, people with jobs but without insurance, Medicare Medicaid people, and indigent people. We have 'em all. Because of this, we are always busy. Swamped is the more appropriate term. At our place, there is no such thing as a simple in-and-out visit to the doctor. There is always a wait, no matter what. We're a good team out here; we bust our asses to ensure that your wait is as brief as is possible. We are also a teaching hospital and so we have an excellent medical staff. Believe me, if you're sick, you don't want to be anywhere else.
But back to the waiting problem. Yes, it can be a bitch. No one likes to wait, especially when you feel like shit; we understand this. This, however, does not give you an excuse to call in a bomb threat.
I couldn't believe it. There I was, drawing blood in Outpatient Lab, when I hear overhead; "Code Bravo." "Bravo" is used to prevent panic in our patients but also to let hospital personnel know that a bomb threat has been called in. When this occurs, we are to quickly finish what we are doing, secure the area (i.e. shut doors, etc.), and look around for "suspicious" things. Usually the police, fire department, SWAT, and bomb squad has arrived and is swarming the hospital. Hospital security relinquishes their control to these agencies at this point.
I've worked out here over 10 years and this is the first time anything like this has happened. I've been here for other things; attempted baby snatching from the maternity unit (stupid crack-head Ho), escaped psychiatric patients that were running free through the corridors, minor fire started by some idiot's unsupervised hell spawn child who was playing with Daddy's lighter, and other sundry mishaps.
So, I finished up with my patient, locked down the Outpatient Lab, and peeped around for "suspicious" things. I hear a cacophony of running, two-way radios, doors opening and shutting, beefy-guy voices issuing orders, and worried Administration types fretting.
I'm calm. Hell, if there is a bomb, I hope I'm standing right next to it. Who wants to go through life maimed? A fist beats on the door. I open it and 5 police swarm in.
"Have you seen anything out of place in your area?" I answer that I haven't and they tell me to step out in the hall so they can search my area. Clean. They swarm out and move on.
At this point I hear a ruckus that registered on the Richter scale. Down the hall 20 police and SWAT guys tackle a rather nasty, unwashed man carrying a tattered Old Navy shopping bag. All you could see were the man's feet poking out under a dog pile of navy blue and black. The bomb guys were examining the shopping bag.
Guess what they found?
G'head, guess!
A half eaten (and now squashed) bologna sandwich and a roll of toilet paper.
But no bomb.
It seems the nasty, unwashed man was an indigent who had come in to the hospital to be seen in the ER. He was an alcoholic going through the DT's and WANTED TO BE SEEN RIGHT GOD-DAMNED NOW!!! When our triage nurse told him he would have to wait, he got pissed and found a pay phone and called in a bomb threat.
Such brilliance! Such a display of intelligence; calling in a bomb threat from the actual place that you are allegedly bombing.
I'm impressed, aren't you?
I don't think our Police department is amused. One particularly chatty cop told me that they plan to "throw the whole book and a few made up stuff" at this guy.
Looks like Mr. Indigent will soon have a home.....and a cell mate named V-Dawg.
Moron.
User Reviews
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-03-24 20:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You ARE an anti-fat femminazi!
Wanna fuck?
Submitted by kochier (user info) at 2005-03-14 23:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on winning the [Insert Quirky Statment 2] contest http://www.ubersite.com/m/61768
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-12 02:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a question:
What happened to the Bologna sandwich?
(Thanks for the comments in my "Corky" post, I did grow from it)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-12 02:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
me, you, drinkapaloaoa eighty thousnad seven. be ther or i will hunt down your family members, hang out twith them, make them lvoe me. eat your pudding. there it is, nown i own you. drink vaodka
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-03-11 23:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, yes that is a long story.
Went through undergrad program got job last year of undergrad. Took a couple of years off. Started grad school.
It does work out timeline wise.
Shit, now everyone will think I'm a liar.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-11 23:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So you've worked there for 10 years, to work your way through grad school? Unless you're trying to get a PhD in three different feilds, then you must be going to a really shitty school.
Kidding.
But I had to call you on that. Good stuff.