Duckhunt is (was) brainwashing us and our children (749 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wingfoot (View user info) at 2005-03-13 18:35:25 EST
No, really. I was just walking the dog out in the... you know. Damn it, why isn't there an English word for "polder". I looked long and hard and couldn't find any. (The first Dictionary I found on google that translated Dutch to English, poorly, I might add
A polder by the way is a piece of land below sea-level surrounded by dikes that Dutch people live in.
Not in every polder though, some of em got cattle or sheep regurgitating in em, mine's just got a stupid golf course in it. Ah well, different kind of cattle, I guess.
Anyway, back to the point I was making. What was it again, oh yeah, me being indoctrinated by a pixelated Nintendo game.
I was just walking my dog out in the polder.
Have I told you about my dog. He would satisfy even the laziest person's aspirations. He sleeps about 23 hours a day. Only waking to eat, piss, or annoying me by whining that he needs to take a piss. He actually has bedsores on his forelegs. ( I don't know how common it is on dogs, but they look pretty freaky and I haven't seen on any other dogs. God knows I would remember)
Point. Me. Back to making it.
I was walking my dog out in the polder. I was walking past a "sloot" (online dictionary no help either.)
A sloot is a sort of ditch filled with water to drain polders with. If you don't have em, the polders get all soggy and you end up with what you started out with. A big great fucking marsh. And nobody wants to live in those. Houses tend to sink in them.
After a 'discussion' with my imaginary friends, Angus and Francis (Long, very boring story, that I may, or may not, tell at some later time.), they came up with the idea that a sloot might be called a canal by your average english-speaking gent.
That's just wrong. A canal is something you dig between point A and point B to get stuff from one to the other cheaply. You can't walk 10 kilometres here without crossing one.
Anyway, when I started writing this there was a point to all this. If you hung around for this long you deserve to see it get made.
I was walking my dog out in the polder. I was walking past a sloot, and it was twilight. (wow, added a whole part of a sentence without digressing, jeeeeeh me) Two ducks came flying past, quacking loudly, and I had this irresistible urge to point my imaginary gun I always carry with me at them (same long story), shout bang, bang bang, send my dog after them and to hum the song that accompanies three misses and the sniggering dog (even with my imaginary gun I'm a lousy shot)
You can see that's slightly worrying, as I haven't played duckhunt for almost ten years or so
See the resemblance. Won't somebody please think of the children
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This rambled nicely.
Oh, and I love these comments:
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Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-14 06:09:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sloot is not a word! I'm sure you made that up and are just fucking with us.
+2 for silly vocab as well as having the attention span of a peanut.
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Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd like some space-cake.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dutch people live in dikes????
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wingfoot (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you've never fallen into a "vieze stinkende boerensloot" (Dirty smelly farmers ditch) as a child, you haven't really lived
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-14 06:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sloot is not a word! I'm sure you made that up and are just fucking with us.
+2 for silly vocab as well as having the attention span of a peanut.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-14 01:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Season ended the last weekend in January
Submitted by AlkalineSolo (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hehehe... dyke....
hehehehehehe... sloot.
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post could have used two titles, would have tied the two completely different thoughts together nicely.
Back in college I had a pretty bad addiction to Tony Hawk. As I would walk to classes, I would pan around with my eyes and do grinds and jumps on the surroundings. Yea, videogames have a profound affect on the human brain.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes you can control the ducks.
Submitted by beefstick86 (user info) at 2005-03-13 22:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i found out last night that you can control the ducks with the player 2 controller. ive never experienced it myself. as a matter of fact, some drunk people told me last night. so im not sure if its even credible. i havent yet had the opportunity to try it.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-03-13 19:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, another Dutch person!
You can barely find those crafty little buggers on Ubersite anymore. The last one I saw was ICO, when I pissed him off with my "The Dutch Are Ruining the English Language" post. Good to know there's still a couple of you guys around.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-03-13 19:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A polder by the way is a piece of land below sea-level surrounded by dikes that Dutch people live in."
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So...a lesbian whore house in the Dutch sector of New Orleans?
I know, that was a stretch.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-13 19:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was walking my dog out in the polder. I was walking past a "sloot"
for this line. thats awesome
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-03-13 19:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, I'm kidding. I always liked the Super Mario side of the cartridge, though.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-03-13 18:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut up you Dutch bastard.