St Patrick’s Day, green, and a possible ass camwhore. (824 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Parkinsuns (View user info) at 2005-03-14 08:35:15 EST
Ever since I learned the pronunciation of the words, I haven't really grasped the meaning of them. Every March calendars and other associated items are colored green, supposedly the hue representative of a land filled of little magical leprechauns and pots of gold.
I never really had much of a problem with the color scheme. After all, its quite obvious to everyone that Ireland is the one and only green country on the face of the planet, but pay that never mind for now.
Circa 3rd grade, I gazed my eyes upon my first explanation of the infamous holiday; a man in Celtic clothing waving his staff around like Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, with a myriad of snakes frantically slivering away from him. This was of course the traditional story of he good `ole bishop of Ireland driving the snakes out of the island-nation.
What a nice guy. Let's all paint our asses green, let mommy and daddy get piss drunk, and be thankful that some old dude ousted snakes from some place where the cool midgets and rainbows roamed free on a template of endless four-leafed clovers.
As such, my budding mind bought this story for at least a few years.
Side note: I made some kick ass dioramas about the bishop whipping on some serpents, trust me.
Time passed, and imagination saw the fall of such greats such as the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the ultimate master of "kid-dom", Santa Claus.
Somewhere in the rubble of the times St. Patrick lost his snake-ass kicking capabilities and instead became the mastermind behind stripping the Irish culture of their own religion and forcing Roman Catholicism down their Oh-so-green throats. Not nearly as cool, but an acceptable story none the less.
Now we approach the finer points of the holiday. What exactly makes St. Patrick's Day so special? First off, it takes place every year on the same date- March 17th. Most references will tell you this is chosen because it was the date of Patrick's death (in the year 461 A.D, for those who are counting.) Now, I'm not going to drag this point on more than one sentence, so here it goes. Doesn't celebrating the day a person died tell you a little bit about how the people who knew him actually thought of the guy?
Moving on...
"On St. Patrick's Day, which falls during the Christian season of Lent, Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon. Lenten prohibitions against the consumption of meat were waived and people would dance, drink, and feast—on the traditional meal of Irish bacon and cabbage. "- http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/stpatricksday/index.jsp?page=history
Maybe it's just me, but it's a tad ironic that the religious ideals behind Lent would be broken during a supposed celebration for the life and impact of a Saint. The act is akin to having Martin Luther King Jr. Day a time for normally respecting white folks to go on a binge of racism; the antithesis of what the man wanted. I doubt St. Patty would be pleased to have his day to be turned into the secular holiday it is now.
Alas, I find myself even more lost on the meaning of the holiday than ever before. I should probably just buy into the spirit of the day and get drunk, which in all likelihood I will. I should settle into the norm of those around me and simply accept the holiday as a time to enjoy myself, and exercise whatever Irish blood that may or may not pump in my veins.
That was, until I stumbled upon something far more disturbing that any of the inconsistencies mentioned in the above. A product of the holiday so off the wall, that it created an avalanche of thought which snowballed into this rant of a post, available for purchase at a store near you.
If someone could explain this logically to me, in relation to how this has ANYTHING to do with the meaning of the holiday, I'll forgive everything else, and paint my ass green. I'll even camwhore it if you wish, or send it privately through email with a message of love (I think other uber-users would appreciate it more if you went this route).
P.S. - This is also available in the Jewish variety...which may be even odder, but I'll leave that up to you.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-17 08:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 spamming is a bitch thing to do.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-17 08:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! St Patrick's Day!
Apparently I'm 5/8ths Irish. That's fourth generational Irish and is nothing special, because anyone from Australia has a hell of a lot of all sorts of UK blood in them.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-17 07:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Feel better now do we fuckhead?
Submitted by Parkinsuns (user info) at 2005-03-14 15:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by v3ri745 (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:56:29 (#)
Ranking: -1
When I was in grade school - I wasn't wearing green on St. Patrick's day and some dude pinched me, so I punched the fag straight (hey look an oxymoron) in the cock sucker. Don't pinch, its not polite.
--Truth
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I agree with this more than anything else I've ever known.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-14 14:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't have even a speck of irish in me.
...and NO, all you Irish out there, I don't want some.
Dirty minds.
Submitted by v3ri745 (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
When I was in grade school - I wasn't wearing green on St. Patrick's day and some dude pinched me, so I punched the fag straight (hey look an oxymoron) in the cock sucker. Don't pinch, its not polite.
--Truth
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-14 12:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:13:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Green beer = green puke + green diarrhea
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That's nasty...but accurate.
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-03-14 11:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We go to the local pub and get really, really drunk.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-14 11:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's just me, but it's a tad ironic that the religious ideals behind Lent would be broken during a supposed celebration for the life and impact of a Saint. The act is akin to having Martin Luther King Jr. Day a time for normally respecting white folks to go on a binge of racism; the antithesis of what the man wanted. I doubt St. Patty would be pleased to have his day to be turned into the secular holiday it is now.
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Well, you're right about that last line there boy'o, but you are assuming that St. Pat's whole "thing" was temporance in the first part of the paragraph. Saint Pat's is (or rather, was) celebrated by Irish Catholics especially because they attribute their very salvation to him (Yeah, its a religious thing, deal with it - speaking of which, why is no one protesting to have this "religious holiday" repealed?). HE brought Christianity to Ireland and they are thankful for that.
But you're mixing the fact that St. Pat's just-so-happens to fall during Lent with the significance of Saint Pat in the first place.
Lent is a time of religious reflection and "fasting" in one form or another (hence, "giving things up for Lent") in preparation for the upcoming Easter season. THAT is where the abstaining angle from partying comes from (it is also the reason "Fat Tuesday" or "Mardi Gras" precedes Ash Wednesday - gotta get it all out of your system before Lent). Saint Patrick may well have been a very temporate man, but that isn't the spirit behind the feast day in his honor.
Just FYI.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-14 09:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Green beer = green puke + green diarrhea
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here in Athens, St Pat's Day is just an excuse to get drunk. As if we needed one.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Over here (Australia) we celebrate invasion day, January 26th, and get pissed and have bbq's. If we had a patron saint it would be a cricketer, and getting pissed and having bbq's would make much more sense.
P.S. I for one, never, ever want you to email me a picture of your green arse.
Submitted by Parkinsuns (user info) at 2005-03-14 08:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can check out the entire line of culturally diverse fortune cookies available here:
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