First aider to the stock room! (682 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hobbs <esquire_hobbs.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-15 11:14:07 EST
About time I posted again, tis been a while...
During the last few weeks of school and the first few weeks of college, I earned my dosh busting my ass at the local supermarker (Sainsburys).
When I say local I mean a good hour and 20min power walk away. No, make that an hour and 40min normal walk, who the fuck 'power walks'.
So anyway, during this short time I was sent on a 4 day first aid course (it cost them something like £300 per person and there were 15 of us, signing up
for this course also ment that we had to sign a contract stating basically that we would not quit any time soon).
I passed the course, woop! go me!
From that day, if someone was in need of some not so professional help id be there, green cross (yes green) medical kit in hand.
On a side note, there was this one time, some bloke in the frozen department drooped a big slab of metal (where it was from im not sure) on his foot, when I arrived,
I just looked at him and said 'I bet that hurt'. He was not as amused as I was hoping he'd be.
Back to the story.
When you become a first aider you get a cool looking badge to ware, makes you look important and you get a bit more respect. You also get alot more
over time (which at the time I wanted cos' being a student I was always broke and always needed cash) so id be doing shifts all over the place.
This particular tale takes place during a night shift on a rather breezy Wednesday night.
It was around 11.30pm and im mincing about in the stock area with some mates. In the stock area there are racks that reach right up to the roof, im not sure how high that is but to get to
the top rack you a fork lift or, as alot of my work mates liked to do, climb.
It was well known amongst managers that this 'rack scaling' was going on, only a week before two blokes were caught and sacked for it.
So im messing about, as per usual where there is no one of authority about (im such a badass) when I hear someone shout 'FUCK' followed my a thud.
Shit.
Within seconds my mind is mustering up images of a mangled body laying in a pool of blood.
As I approach the racks I can see blood spilled on the dark grey concrete floor, as I turn to head down the isle I see it, the pool of blood.
But wait.
No mangled body.
Just Nick (stock MANAGER) climbing down the rack cursing.
Me: What the hell man? What happened here?
Nick: I just drooped that bottle of blackcurrent juice from the top rack.
Me: Fuck, I thought someone fell.
Nick: Na, im ok thanks, were gonna need a cleaner come sort this shit out though.
Me: Clean it your self ya' lazy bitch!
Nick: I think not, I going home soon.
Me: I think all the cleaners have left any way.
Nick: You better go get the mop then eh?
Me: No
Nick: I got an idea.
Me: No
Nick: You don't know what I was gonna say!
Me: Pay me.
Nick: Shut up and listen, lay down in the juice and
Me: No way, this is all I have to ware 'till I get home and im not walking home with blackcurrent all over me, you lay in it.
Nick: Hear me out man, lay in the juice and i'll call the other first aider, we'll make it look like you fell! It'll be so fucking funny!
Me: *thinking*
*Over tannoy* FIRST AIDER TO THE STOCK ROOM NOW, FIRST AIDER TO THE STOCK ROOM NOW
I decided to go along with Nicks stupid idear as it didn't seem that stupid after he gave me £10, sweet.
In the distance I can hear Nick shouting at the first aider, jumping around getting all hysterical... 'he's dead, I think he's dead, he fell off a rack, he's bleeding man, you gotta do something!'
Then, out of the corner of my eye I see them turn into the isle where im laying, as they approach, I hear the first aider say something like 'oh my god' and then a sound I can only describe as fla-ba-domp,
Nick goes quiet, I open my eyes to have a proper look.
The guy that has come to save me has fainted.
Fainted.
I guess all the blood really got to him.
Me: Shit
Nick: Shit
Me: Were in sooooo much trouble.
Nick: I got an idear
Me: Fuck. Off.
Nick: Help me.
We ended up dragging the poor guy (Martin, according to his nametag) into the juice where I was just laying and started to slap him around the chops shouting 'wake up, wake up'
When he finally woke, me and Nick tried to convince him that he had had an accident, we got him to the first aid office, but he was having none of it, for starters he felt no pain,
I told him that was shock kicking in.
He didn't take it.
The next five few minutes went a bit fast, they consisted of me and Nick running to his car and high tailing it outta' there.
We were both called into the store managers office the next day.
He got a warning.
I got fired.
Fair enough, I already had five warnings.
Good times. Bad times. You know I had my share.
-Hobbs
Heres a pic that is almost revellent...
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-16 14:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cough *spellcheck*
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-16 09:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:39:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
First Aider.....hahaha...thats gay
I bet you wear an all white uniform too.
------------------
You know it!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-15 19:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-15 19:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It was around 11.30pm and im mincing about in the stock area with some mates."
haha, nancyboy!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:51:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheheh. Sheer stupidity.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First Aider.....hahaha...thats gay
I bet you wear an all white uniform too.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-15 15:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-15 12:25:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have been a lot better without the obscure references and the horrible spelling.
Here's some advice: Spellcheck, and consult a World Atlas (there is a world outside the UK, you know).
Here ya go, limey cousin, it's on me. http://www.graphicmaps.com/aatlas/world.htm
--------------------
Cheers!
I will spell check from now on, I give you my word!
I also looked at that 'World Atlas' thing you were going on about.
Whats with that 'U.S.A' being all big, and that 'Europe', what a stupid name for a place.
I'd hate to live there, haha, 'Europe'.
Oh.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-15 14:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd kick Nick's ass.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 12:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-03-15 12:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nick is my favorite person for today.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-03-15 12:25:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have been a lot better without the obscure references and the horrible spelling.
Here's some advice: Spellcheck, and consult a World Atlas (there is a world outside the UK, you know).
Here ya go, limey cousin, it's on me. http://www.graphicmaps.com/aatlas/world.htm
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
w00t!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't like that Diet Coke with Lime.
However, I am totally addicted to the Diet Vanilla Coke, for some unknown reason.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That'll do.
Im live in England and assumed the world would konw.
Blast.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I googled it. Apparently the blackcurrent is a bush that grows in England that has berries on it. They make tea out of the berries. It sounds delish.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:36:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
What's a blackcurrent?
-------------------------
All you need to know is it looks like blood.
Its all so a fruit drink, I may have completly spelled it wrong.
I dident spell check.
I know. Im a tit.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:36:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's a blackcurrent?
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:21:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, for a fucking limey bastard.
-------------------
cheers, I think, speeking of lime, have you taisted the new diet coke with lime?
Rather nice. Iv never really like diet coke, but I do like lime so I gave it a try.
Very nice.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-15 11:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, for a fucking limey bastard.