CAUTION: "Artsy" Femme Goes on Snit to End All Snits. (862 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.31 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by itchy <itchy.is.Teephphah.you.dumbass.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-15 17:19:38 EST
You know, when I try to write something "for real," I consider it somewhat important to try to include some sort of "other" element to whatever story I write. I look at the "classics" of literature and see that more often than not, those great authors are not only conveying a story of human suffering or strife or even of the triumph of the human spirit . . . they address a myriad of other topics. There are multiple layers and levels of understanding to their works.
This is the benchmark I have set for myself when I try to take writing seriously. This is the company I long to keep. So what do I do?
I try to do what they did. I try to write stories that illustrate points bigger than "just" the story (look! I didn't use all caps to stress that word!) I'm telling. And recently I've decided to look beyond Uber, to see what the real possibility of someone like me getting published in a "Real," "literary" context would be.
What I found was this:
http://www.scbeginnings.com/excerpts.htm
All of the stories an poems on that web-page have been published by a magazine claiming to be a source for the "novice writer."
Coincidentally, the magazine's main page contains the following quote from John Steinbeck:
"A writer out of loneliness is trying to communicate like a distant
star sending out signals. He isn't telling or teaching or ordering.
Rather he seeks to establish a relationship of meaning, of feeling of
observing. We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be
less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story, begging
the listener to say — and to feel — Yes, that's the way it is, or at
least that's the way I feel it. You're not as alone as you thought.
It is so hard to be clear. Only a fool is willfully obscure.
To finish is sadness to a writer — a little death. He puts the last
word down, and it is done. But it isn't really done. The story goes on
and leaves the writer behind, for no story is ever done." ~ John
Steinbeck
Now, if you take the time to peruse that link, and you shouldn't, you will see glorious examples of descriptive writing. The authors there have come up with lots and lots of different ways to say the same boring old shit you hear every day.
Your boyfriend have a tendency toward extreme behavior? How about this?
"His parents were both crazy, and at times I worried that they had made him crazy, too. Sometimes I could see it, this latent madness, in the way he shook or muttered anxiously as he wrote a check or prepared to deliver a speech."
At first I was in awe of the talent of these writers. I decided to "hang it all up." I confessed as much to my good "mate" Apollo88.
He told me something very profound, he said, "jaofifaoihlehjtlkj TEA, iofjeoijeoiteiut CRUMPETS, jeoireehghueru FUTBALL." Or, something like that. I can never understand him with that limey accent of his.
But he's right you know, "tea, crumpets, futball" to ALL of those descriptive writing half-wits. Spoon-feed your writers if you like, but I am going to continue to bitch at and berate them with my self-righteous moral messages that they neither asked for Nor wanted in the first place. Because I happen to think that is what "real" writing is all about.
So THERE! Assholes.
Oh, and the story about the stalker who kills Lojope and has a run-in with Loki may be on temporary hiatus as a result of massive self-righteous indignation and delusions of grandeur.
But my wife's cat really does look just like Loki's.
User Reviews
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-16 08:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
NOTE TO LESSER BEINGS:
The following:
"I try to write stories that illustrate points bigger than "just" the story (look! I didn't use all caps to stress that word!) "
was a joke.
Thanks for playing our game, though. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-16 04:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:37:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dearest Apollo,
I'd consider it a personal favour if you'd shit yourself to death at your earliest convenience.
Much love,
Filthy
P.S. I've posted the tampon to the usual address - hope you can manage to wedge it above your ravaged sphincter without dislodging the clots this time. """
My Dear Filthy,
I have recieved the tampon in full working order.
Many thanks,
Apollo.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-16 04:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
(sarcasm)
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-16 04:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm terribly confused... are you leaving?
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-16 03:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only reason I was going to comment was to say this
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:29:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, using "wordtobeemphasised" is just as bad as WORDTOBEEMPHASISED.
god damn you apollo. Scare quotes are the same thing, he's right and stuff. I had my heart set on commenting with this little piece of snide information and since it was said I think I should say something else. Uhmm.
I like your pussy. And aren't delusions of grandeur and temper tantrums an important part of creativity? It's not a good excuse for not killing lojope, or not writing about it at least.
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-16 01:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my cat would wait in ambush outside the bathroom and jump my ass if I ever put those gay feathers on him. He jumps me sometimes anyway, just for fun.
Submitted by Silk (user info) at 2005-03-15 20:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A photo of Janis Joplin! cool
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 20:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ay . . . assholes . . . I'm serious 'bout de baby makin' music suggestions.
If you don't help me out, it is gonna be Dramarama and the Cure and various pathetic 80's alternative crap.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-15 19:47:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no doubt i could NEVER write like a steinbeck or a fitzgerald or chekov or tolstoy.
they are painting with a full palette of all the colours of human life, which they can mix to whatever subtle shade they need.
compared to them, all i have at my disposal is a garbage bin full of vomit, offal and shit.
nevertheless, when i'm feeling optimistic (which is rare) i think i can create something striking and interesting with my materials. and for my lofty aspirations, i choose people like swift and orwell, who are not gifted in the same way as fitzgerald and co, but still made their mark doing their own thing.
anyway, my point is i agree it's wise to be aware of what the masters are capable of, and i admit that i also dream (emphasis on 'dream', as opposed to 'toil') of matching their achievements, but i also recognise that i can't be something i'm not, and that writing is a very varied art form.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dearest Apollo,
I'd consider it a personal favour if you'd shit yourself to death at your earliest convenience.
Much love,
Filthy
P.S. I've posted the tampon to the usual address - hope you can manage to wedge it above your ravaged sphincter without dislodging the clots this time.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This just in: The Boy needs to play with daddy, so I shall be signing off both AIM and Uber. Sorry.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gheys in Delaware?
Who'd a thunk it?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, using "wordtobeemphasised" is just as bad as WORDTOBEEMPHASISED.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry colonial I can't understand you.
Your gutteral drawl is most discombobulating, now pour me a gin and tonic old trout and be sharp about it.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:24:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:16:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Why can't you just be funny like Adam or somebody"
That fag isn't funny, and after I make a million dollars tonight I'l kick his ass and use his spinal vertebrae as poker chips in my newest 'Texas no hold em' tounament in Rehobeth Beach, where I coincidenatlly met a fellow uber user and my soul mate.
-shlongy- """"
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
==================================
FYI Apollo, Rehobeth is a notorious Ghey beach in Delaware
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blah, blah, blah, Chesterfield United, Darjeeling . . .
What is it with you English folks? Don't you speak any English?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:16:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Why can't you just be funny like Adam or somebody"
That fag isn't funny, and after I make a million dollars tonight I'l kick his ass and use his spinal vertebrae as poker chips in my newest 'Texas no hold em' tounament in Rehobeth Beach, where I coincidenatlly met a fellow uber user and my soul mate.
-shlongy- """"
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Filthy sometimes gets a little cranky, mostly when she leaves her stinky second hand tampon in for too long, you see, she is hooked on celebrity fame acadamy, it distracts her.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pen_name - it makes me sad that "somewhere out there" was already on my list. This one fact alone says more about me than I would care to admit.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Why can't you just be funny like Adam or somebody"
That fag isn't funny, and after I make a million dollars tonight I'l kick his ass and use his spinal vertebrae as poker chips in my newest 'Texas no hold em' tounament in Rehobeth Beach, where I coincidenatlly met a fellow uber user and my soul mate.
-shlongy-
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-15 18:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmmmmmmmmm baby makin' songs.
My top 10 (listed in alphabetical order from where i checked on my winamp).
1. 12 rods - glad that it's over
2. an american tale - somewhere out there
3. baha men - who let the dogs out (just try buckin' to the beat)
4. blink 182 - fuck a dog
5. bob seger -old time rock and roll
6. chicago - fight for your honor
7. cidy lauper - the goonies are good enough
8. cross canadian ragweed - rodeo song
9. disney - Substitutiary Locomotion
10. electrictoothsyndrome - come as you are.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to go to work, so didnt have time to read it.
The title and picture were cool tho
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In other news, I'm trying to make a baby with my wife. Not right NOW, but you get the idea.
To that end, I'm trying to create a master "baby-makin'" CD volume 1. I will now consider and download all baby-makin' song suggestions from the Uber Collective for said CD. T
hank you in advance for your prompt responses.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, I am cutting edge.
I think I just installed AIM. If that is correct, my AIM name should be "Teephphah."
God help me, I am so lonely.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so terribly, terribly misunderstood. Tarquin, fetch the crumpets, will you.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The cat is Native American, in case you were wondering about the feathers.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
urge to kill fading...fading...fading
picture of a cat
...urge to kill rising, rising, rising!!!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-15 17:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, that wasn't funny at all.
What the hell's a "femme" and what the hell's a "snit?" For that mater what does "novice" mean?
Why can't you just be funny like Adam or somebody? Get over yourself asshole.
-Random Joe (in abstentia)