Erin Go Barf: My Fondest St. Patrick’s Day Memory (1262 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.78 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (View user info) at 2005-03-17 09:27:57 EST
The year after I finished college, I got an email from my old roommate, who was still living in the same town that the school is located in. It went something like this:
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March 11, 1999
From: Jeff
To: Bob
Dude. You gotta come down and drink with us on St. Pats.
--Jeff
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That was all the motivation that I needed. I replied to him that I'll be there by faxing the words "I LIKE BEER" written in black marker to his workplace.
A few days later, I made drive down to his place. Ninety minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex that he and one of our other friends from school, Brian, lived in.
Brian answered the door when I knocked and let me in. Brian lived a couple houses up from us when we lived on campus and was one of our elite little group of boozehounds.
The first thing that I noticed was that The Lager Castle now had a second story. The Lager Castle was a structure that we built out of empty cases of Yuengling Lager. When I left school, The Castle was large enough to walk into. You were The Man if you got snothanging drunk and slept/passed out in The Lager Castle. Since my departure, they put two sheets of plywood at about neck-height and added a second tier to the cardboard and green glass palace.
"Looks like you kids have been doing a little drinking since I was last here." I joked.
Brian, being a man of few words, acknowledged my remark with a goofy smile, a nod, and an enunciated "Yerrrrrrrp."
I placed my duffel bag in a corner and Jeff came out from his bedroom.
"So where are we going tonight?" Brian asked Jeff as he handed out bottles of beer.
"Signs point to Guido's." Jeff answered, pretending that he has a magic 8-ball.
Guido's was a bar in town that was cut in half. Half of the building was an upscale Italian restaurant, and the other half was a recreated Irish Pub. It was in an old colonial building built in the mid 1700's and was rumored to be haunted. But that's another story for another time. All that really mattered was they had green beer, Guinness, and Murphy's on draft.
It was just getting dark when we got to Guido's so it was early enough for us to get a seat at the bar.
Hot wings were eaten.
Green Beer was drunk.
Numerous pints of Guinness were drunk.
We had a few black & tans.
Shots of whiskey were downed.
Carbombs, a delicious mixture of whiskey, Baileys, and Guinness, were served up and put down.
At around ten o'clock the entertainment began. It was a two man acoustic band. One guy played a guitar and the other had a set of tall bongos. I don't remember what music they played, or even what kind of music that they played due to alcohol amnesia. The band was in the back of the bar next to the restrooms.
A crowd was growing in the bar, so we moved to a table in the barroom and ordered a few pitchers of green beer.
By 11:30, the bar was packed. The crowd was elbow-to-elbow. They all had various green promotional stickers, buttons, googly antennae, hats, gloves and more. The band kept bongo-ing on.
Due to the crowd, there was a growing line outside of the men's room. I waited a couple times in line to jettison some extra fuel.
By midnight, we all were wasted beyond recognition. We called Brian's girlfriend to come take us home. We ordered one last pitcher of green beer while we waited.
I took a few sips out of the freshly poured pint, and it didn't feel right. There was nothing wrong with the beer, it was the amount that I had consumed. My mouth started to water and I gagged a little.
I got up from our table and did my best Walter Payton impersonation through the crowd to the men's room, holding my both hands over my mouth.
When I got to the men's room door, there was this big fat guy standing waiting. By big, I mean that he was a few inches taller than me and I'm 6'3". As I tried to dash past him to get to a commode, sink, garbage can, or whatever to puke into, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
"Wait your turn." He said, being a prick.
Then it happened. My stomach heaved. I let loose all over Mr. GetInLine's feet. As green St. Patrick's Day cheer erupted from my mouth, he freaked out and spun me around in an act of self defense. I remember the puke still being cold.
He spun me toward the band, and he chain-reacted into the men's room.
A circular arc of green vomit sprayed onto the floor from him to the bongo guy in the band.
I heaved again, this time it wasn't cold - all over the bongos, as the bongo guy hopped away. The music stopped.
There were at least 70 people in the now silent bar, and every single one of them was looking at me, the guy that was puking all over the place.
I recovered, stood up, wiped my mouth with my sleeve, and gave the hand gesture of double-devil horns.
Brian and Jeff were in hysterics sitting at our table.
By then, a waitress had a mop. I offered to help her, but the bartender told me that I had to leave. I didn't argue with him; I'm always a happy drunk.
This was all good, because at that time Brian's girlfriend entered the front door. We left fast, laughing all the way to the car.
I don't remember the ride back to their place.
The next morning, I woke up in The Lager Castle.
We then went to the nearby diner for our traditional post-bender grease fest, and I headed for home afterward.
The next day, I got an email from Brian;
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March 18, 1999
To: Bob
From: Brian
Haha.
You puked on the band.
-----
User Reviews
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-04-08 22:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha! awesome...how did I miss this?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-03-15 20:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
solid.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-18 15:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay drunkness!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
April 22, 2005
To: Bob
From: Tiger Lilly
Fucking awesome story.
I want to sleep in that
castle sometime.
Tiger
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-29 01:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh for fucks sake that was some tale,ha ha ha ha ha ,how did i miss that .good one Bob.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-18 01:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
green vomit rules
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-17 17:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:55:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FROG! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAVE ANOTHER! AHHAHA ALAOLAOALAOF JO2IJ0FU9 F ASDFV
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I SNAPPED LOL11!LOL
RACISM IS COOL1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It is forbidden to say anything remotly bad about jews or blacks.
But it's cool to barrage me with racist shit about my mother language.
You guys can go fuck yourselves.
My new standard rating with a -2:
Hello,
I speak french. I hear it's important.
Please hate me.
Regards,
Frog LOLOLOOLOLOLO;!!!1111
---
Do you like it?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Je parle Francais aussi.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hello,
I speak french, it's important.
Please hate me.
Regards,
Frog lolOLOLOLO111!!!1!111LLOL
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Its an Irish pub AND Italian restaurant, hence the name.
You go there for dinner, and then go to the bar until you can't see straight.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahhahahahahaha
sounds like a good time
WOO
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-17 14:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Guido McNeal's"
That is some fucked up name for an Irish Bar.
Does MickGinny own it?
-Dave
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-17 11:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
Nicely done my man.
Submitted by Parkinsuns (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf....
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:26:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. It's just past 5 o'clock, I got a free everything SAint Pat's Day party to goto, and the biggest selling beer in these parts is Castle Lager.
I love you today, in a manly-man kind of way.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me puke... BLLLARGGHHH!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of the time I got drunk before meeting Nelson Mandela and I threw up all over his african drums - and those were geniune african drums, he was pissed off :(
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
makes me wanna build a fort
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:08:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27931
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Reinforcin' o' The Stereotypes.
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for The Lager Castle alone!
Tonight, I'm going to see Atmosphere at the 9:30 Club in DC - Nothing like drunk hip hop with an angry, depressive Irish MC to celebrate my people's holiday.
I think the fact my boss will be out of the office tomorrow is a positive sign from the big dude upstairs that I'm finally allowed to get severely drunk on St. Patty's day (I usually ended up having some test/project due the next day whilst in college - I learned my lesson freshman year when our study group sent me home because i was too drunk to keep my head up and I failed the test the next day because i had the dry heaves all day... ewwww).
"I'm not a playa, I throw up a lot"
-Slug
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-03-17 10:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 and free breakfast with purchase of Killians anywhere on Elm Street today. God, I love Manchester.
Submitted by PrissyB (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm... Black & Tans
Hehe... you blew chunks on the band
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title...
I'm heading over to the St. Patty's Day Massacre on River Street, Savannah, at around 3pm. Should be a mess-a-thon.
Old Bushmills and PBR's are on my agenda.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awko: NIIIIICE!
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *heart* St. Patricks day.
Me and my old man decided to start ealy today in order to get the promotional shirts we could before the crowd came in. Started at 11 and we staggered home at 6.
We promptly fell asleep on the couches in our fancy new VB rugby jerseys and Guinness hats.
Now It's 1:42am, I'm hungover like a bitch and can't get back to sleep.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob kicks ass.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"As green St. Patrick's Day cheer erupted from my mouth"
Very funny.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Couple years ago, some buddies and I headed down to one buddy's brother's place in Southie, guy. We were friggin' champs all day, then something strange happened once the sun went down. I remember being so drunk I thought I was sober, and thought I'd "go to bed" around 11pm or so, the next morning I was told that I had gotten up about an hour later, went up and down the stairs a few times, as if I was looking for something, and then found a place in the hallway to take a huge piss.
I'm not a lightweight, I've only pissed on the floor from drinking twice, and the first time was after my fraternity initiation.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha...awesome!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best Evar!
Submitted by corporate_drone0723 (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yuengling auto +2
Lager Castle.... brilliant!!!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I recovered, stood up, wiped my mouth with my sleeve, and gave the hand gesture of double-devil horns."
YES!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:31:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You were "that" guy for the night
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-17 09:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In my defense, I'm not a lightweight. I only threw up from drinking twice in my life and this time was one of them - that is, not 'hitting the reset button' (i.e. sticking a finger in the throat to make more room...just like nintendo, if you die, hit the reset button and start over again. The other time that I threw up involved having to take my car to a car wash and military police.