Get Laid With Wingman Industries (1057 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.56 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by L.G. <el2tha.g.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-18 17:55:46 EST
We've all been there. You're in a club or a bar, and you see a girl you'd love to take home and introduce to your sausage saber. You introduce yourself, lie your ass off, and the chances of her seeing your O face later are looking pretty good. Then, from out of nowhere, comes the cock blocking bitch(es) she calls her friend(s). They claim to be looking out for her, but are actually jealous that they can't get some because they're a) too fat, b) too ugly, or c) all of the above. Your chances are shot, unless you can find some poor fool to take her friend(s). You quickly scan the room for your friends and head over to them, hoping that one will "take one for the team". Your friends laugh in your face, and your chances of scoring some sweet poontang are shot.
This is where we come in.
Here at Wingman Industries, we believe it is our duty to make sure you get laid. That's why we proudly offer three different models of wingmen to suit your needs. We also offer a variety of packages, ranging from day to day rentals, to our money saving yearly contract. With us, you're guaranteed not to get cockblocked by her friends again. Please take a minute to browse our current models, and choose which is right for you.
The Fat Guy
Does she have a fat friend that your buddies won't touch for fear of being swallowed whole? Unless you've got a fridge full of pizza and a bucket of Crisco, you're not getting anywhere with her friend. No problem! The Fat Guy has weight issues of his own, but is really a "nice guy" deep down under. He already has trouble getting some, and will pretty much take any fat chick thrown at him. What's that? Her friend doesn't do fat guys? Our Fat Guy comes prepared. Which fat girl can resist his ultimate line, "Hey.......lemme eat that pussy."? It's most likely been ages since anyone has dared put their face between the two fat depositories she calls her legs, and she will be jumping at the chance at some good oral lovin'. You take your girl home, and Fat Guy and her friend spend the night in a sweaty mess of skin, fat, and fried chicken. Everyone wins! As our most popular model, the Fat Guy is also the cheapest. *not guaranteed to have sex with ugly chicks, as he can probably find a fat girl with a pretty face.
The Illegal Alien
Is her friend too ugly for beer goggles to work? Does the same voice always yell out "OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" every time she walks in a room? Then the Illegal Alien is right for you. To the Illegal Alien, her face makes no difference. As he says, "With the lights out, mang, it's all the same." No matter how hideous, his country's lack of health and dental care ensure he's had worse. The girl looks too dirty? No problem, the Illegal Alien comes from a country where girls fuck donkeys for christ sake. Only a little pricier than the Fat Guy, our Illegal Alien will take the ugly out of your night. *if at any time the Illegal Alien comes into contact with the law, he will be deported, and the fee will not be refunded. **will not do fat chicks
The Black Playa
Our priciest model, and the only one that comes with a money back guarantee. The Black Playa lives by one motto, "Yo son every bitch got sum use. If she fat, you know the bitch can cook madd food son. If she ugly, you know she give some bomb ass head, them ugly girls gots to. Ya di da mean?" We have no idea what this means, but it works every time. He will be the sweetest, nicest guy to the girl regardless of what she looks like. If this does not work, his brand name clothes, clean shoes, and "ice" will attract her. What more can we say? * the Black Playa will sometimes hit on every girl in the club/bar and may take your girl from you. **if at any time he sees a girl he used to know, prepare for some "baby momma drama".
User Reviews
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-21 10:11:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to call you a pig but this was really funny.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hun you can call me whatever you want.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-21 10:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to call you a pig but this was really funny.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-19 14:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm actually a hitman. I will be responsible for getting rid of the Cling-on Biznatch who
won't let you take your new girl home.
Either that or the fat guy.
You choose!
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well are you fat, illegal, or a playa? or are you just desperate enough to fuck anything, because we can use that too.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant as an employee, not as a client.
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:08:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
So where do I sign up?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
depends on how much money you have
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-19 13:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So where do I sign up?
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-19 12:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-03-19 02:01:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember when you needed a wingman and he wouldn't cooperate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
and that's why Wingman Industries was born
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-03-19 09:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-03-19 02:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember when you needed a wingman and he wouldn't cooperate.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-03-19 00:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Check out the goblet on THAT guy...
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-03-18 19:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:26:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
It was alright. It had so much potential, but you let it slip a bit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i actually thought that while i was writing it, and ended up rushing it. that's what i get for trying to write while trying to work at the same time
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You were so close to being Great.
Submitted by cowstastegood (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stuff.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was alright. It had so much potential, but you let it slip a bit.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by El_Mexicano (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Horale, it's me homes!! Donde estan los ugly beeches?
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was good, besides who hasn't needed a wingman?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I told you not to use my profile on this, man...
Christ, I try to hide the fact...
Submitted by L-Gizzle (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, i think
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-18 18:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not great, but certainly better than 94.8% of the shit that gets +2's by dipshit asskissers in this forum (See anything Kristen, or any of the chicks who showed their tits in here, post) so what the fuck.