Why My Best Friend Hates My Dog (692 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.16 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BadAssJulie (View user info) at 2005-03-19 00:27:38 EST
Every time my best friend comes to my house she reminds me of why she hates my dog, Roxanne. Today was no different. Even though the incident was 3 years ago she will not let it go.
It all happened in February of 2002. I was excited because I had just adopted the cutest little puppy from the pound. She was a small black and white ball of hyperactivity and after two seconds we were in love. Of course when you get a dog from the pound they have to get spayed or neutered before you can take them home so she wasn't allowed to come home until the following day. This was fine with me because I needed to get prepared for her anyway.
That night Bean(my best friend) and I went shopping for puppy shit. We got all of the essentials that I didn't already have for my other dog and we got about 500 toys for this tiny puppy. Bean was really excited to see the shiny new puppy so I told her she should go with me to pick her up the next day because I needed someone to sit with Roxanne on the way home anyway. She agreed and I told her I'd pick her up at 4:00 in the afternoon because you had to be there between 4 and 6.
The next day when 4 o'clock came around I knocked on Bean's door. When she answered she said "Hold on. I have to go get something." She re-appeared with a giant bear that was as big as a full grown St. Bernard and said "This is for Roxanne." I was thinking-What the hell is she supposed to do with this? But I took the bear and thanked her. If anything she could use it as a bed. Bean and I tried for a good 20 minutes to get the bear in the car but the only place it could fit was in the trunk with the back seat folded down.
When we arrived at the dog pound Bean instantly fell in love with Roxanne. She was playing with her and kissing her and Roxanne was such an attention whore even as a puppy that she adored every moment of it. I asked Bean if she wanted to drive since one of us would have to hold the puppy on our lap since there was no room for her to lay in the back seat but she said no and that she wanted to play with her more.
We got in the car and started driving. Roxanne was laying on Bean's lap next to her purse while Bean and I were talking about some stupid random bullshit. After a few blocks we were almost to my house when all of a sudden I heard Bean screech like a baboon. I swerved and almost took out an old lady and her three grandchildren and then slammed on the brakes. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" I asked but she was still screaming too much to understand. Bean tried to respond through her screams but when I looked at her like she had sprouted another head she pointed to her lap on the other side of Roxanne. I looked over and saw the biggest pile of vomit I had ever seen. Yep, that's right. My brand new puppy had just barfed all over my best friend's new pants and inside her purse. "Oh my fucking god...how the hell...what the...oh my god." was all I could say and then I could hold back no more and started laughing my ass off. I still have no idea how so much vomit could come out of such a tiny little puppy. The pile was about three times as big as she was and smelled awful.
I drove to a McDonalds so Bean could clean herself up. She was afraid to go in like that so I went in and grabbed all the napkins they had and came running out with my arms full. After Bean cleaned herself up she started to clean her purse when she yelled "She ate my fucking wallet and part of my purse!" Apparently the reason why Roxanne had gotten sick was because you're not supposed to eat part of a purse and a wallet full of money, credit cards, and priceless pictures that are the only ones of their kind three hours after you've had your uterus removed. Who knew?
Here's a picture of Roxanne as a puppy.
User Reviews
Submitted by LustrousShe-Wolf (user info) at 2006-07-01 15:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, that is the cutest puppy I've ever seen.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-31 15:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yep, doggies do dumb things...
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-20 01:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
PICTURE OF A COOL DOG!
cool
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-03-19 05:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry.
All I saw was a fucking HUGE block of text and a dog chewing on something.
Repost with spaces between paragraphs and if it deserves a +2 I'll give you 5.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-03-19 05:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
did you really say "What the hell is wrong with you"?
does anyone really say "What the hell is wrong with you"?
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-03-19 00:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
meh