100) "The Truth Behind the Lies" (1102 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Chronicles of the American Antichrist (View user info) at 2005-03-19 20:19:01 EST
The One Hundreth Episode
"So what happened?" Larry asks me, pouring his syrup thick on his pancakes. "Did you get caught--well, you didn't get caught--but what happened?"
There's a funny feeling about IHOPs at 1am. You'll find all types in there, all races and religions, all wanting some pancakes.
"You never fucking respected me," I whisper under my breath.
"What?" he asks, perplexed.
I take out a cigarette and light it up. I've tried to quit, but I cannot.
"I said 'You never fucking respected me.' And you don't, do you, Larry?"
They're all fat bastards, all piling in this place, all expecting to get their disgusting, gelatinous pancake meal to shove into their disgusting, gelatinous pancake bodies. They're all fucking worthless. They're just products of consumerism, cattle without any brains. If I had a gun on me now I'd unload it, firing into each one of their chewing, chuckling faces.
"What the fuck are you talking about," Larry says, taken back. "I respect you. You're my cousin, man. I look out fo--"
"You don't do shit, Larry!" I yell. "You don't do shit except mock me, tease me, prey on me. Why the fuck should I tell you how I got away? Why the fuck should I do anything for you?"
"What in God's name are you on?" he asks.
Of course. It's always the drugs talking--drugs or Satan. It can't ever just be my own emotions, my own bent up rage about a teenage girl taken away from me, about my own God damn youth sinking into oblivion day after day. It can't just be that I can't take being packed into God damn IHOPs every day of my life, asked to stuff another $4.99 pancake down my throat, asked to be everyone else's bitch.
"Excuse me," a feminine voice says.
I turn over my shoulder to see a middle-aged black woman staring at me.
"You can't smoke in here," she tells me, eyebrows inverted.
"And yet I am," I smile. "It must be a miracle, huh?"
"Can you PLEASE put that out?" she asks.
These fucking pigs. Always squealing for more God damn teat. I can't enjoy my own fucking cancerous demise simply because she wants to live to be a ripe old age, fall down the stares, and die alone in her fucking mansion that these God damn niggers don't even deserve to live in.
"Can you please," I begin, "just know...just know, when you're daughter disapears and they can't find her, and then they do, and she's bound up with electrical tape and covered in semen, can you PLEASE know that it was me that did it? Could you do that for me?"
"Sam!" Larry yells.
The black couple leaves--the brother's got no balls.
"Sam," Larry says staring at my glossy eyes, "did you pop a tab or something? What's the matter man?"
I can see through Larry's pupils into his brain. He thinks that I really didn't kill Doctor Joyce. He thinks that I'm just on drugs, just upset about something small and unrelated. He doesn't understand that there's no fucking way out of this IHOP. He doesn't understand the pain of having all these God damn pigs packed around you, so much so that you suffocate in their shit.
"You want to know how I got out?" I sneer. "I just walked out, Larry. After I murdered the man and I murdered his family, I walked out of his house. They didn't catch me. I just walked out."
Larry looked confused again--after all, how could I have done this feat?
"But let me tell you something, Larry," I say, pointing my cigarette into his uncaring face. "I'm going to go into the fucking desert and I'm going to lie low and I'm going to come back some day. I'm going to come back and I'm going to walk right back in to the house. I'm going to walk in, immaculate and immortal, and I am going to shove my dick down the throat of another all-American family. That's what I'm going to do."
I get up and leave the IHOP. Larry chases after me.
User Reviews
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-11 00:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can always quit cigarettes
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-24 22:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Write the next episode and post it immediately.
Submitted by dudaculb (user info) at 2005-03-22 22:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, i really miss the old you
Submitted by Revolutionman (user info) at 2005-03-20 21:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
better then all that girlie shit you've been so inclined to write
Submitted by dudaculb (user info) at 2005-03-20 12:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-20 04:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
gonna stop at 100?
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-20 04:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Liked it.
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-20 02:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still awesome
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-20 00:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Durel?
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-20 00:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Parkinsuns (user info) at 2005-03-19 23:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right
Submitted by ak_whitebread (user info) at 2005-03-19 22:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dope story dude. Very well written. Your balls must be solid oak. ha ha
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-19 22:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Who did you pass this series off to?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-19 21:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
think bart will let you make MVA?
he banned squattail to stop him going all the way. and he's done it to you before.
just wondering.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-19 21:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you ya crazy bastard!!!!