Guide to office wisdom (793 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.48 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sphagnum (View user info) at 2005-03-20 07:55:22 EST
For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing these, I thought I would enlighten you.
There was a picture assosciated with it but I have not yet learnt the art of attaching pictures to
my posts.(I'm sure it's difficult...)
Enjoy!
1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
6. Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
10. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
11. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
12. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
13. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
14. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
15. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
16. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
17. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
18. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
19. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
20. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?
21. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
22. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
23. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-08 14:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-23 18:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-03-21 11:52:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't linkwhore bitch.
Http://www.despair.com
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-03-21 11:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't linkwhore bitch.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-20 16:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ok, regardless of whether you copy/pasted this or not, i'm giving this a bad rating because:
it's old and it's the 4th time i've seen it.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 13:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my thoughts on plagiarism: posting pictures uncredited is ok. i do it all the time, and rarely get hassle for it. usually it comes from people who hate me anyway, rather than for the content. obviously this doesn't apply so much to photoshops, where one individual has worked on something.
just copying and pasting text uncredited is another thing entirely. not only is it totally lazy, but it's highly likely most people here have seen it already. and it has been done thousands upon thousands of times.
it's best to mention immediately that you have stolen the material from somewhere. a good example is this post of mine from a few months ago.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54070
i lifted the whole thing from fark, but it has >4000 hits and a 1.79 average on 99 reviews.
why? because i made no secret of my plagiarism, thus leaving people free to laugh rather than hand out -2's.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-20 11:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't see how me posting this is any different to anyone posting links, pictures, sounds, movies etc that they have come across while surfing the internet.
Had I said that this was a list that I made up then, yes it would be plagiarism.
(I thought that the first line of the post made it crystal clear! Perhaps I am wrong)
It was posted purely because I found it amusing and wanted to share it with anyone who had not seen it before.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-20 10:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You never implied it wasn't plagiarized, so it's not like that's any reason to -2 you.
However, credit where credit is due, and there's no reason to +2 you for copying and pasting, regardless of how good the material is.
Except of course that cyber sex guide. Now that was hilarious.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-20 10:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just to compensate for your obvious mental deficiency I would like to draw your attention to exhibit A, just to clear things up..
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Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-20 09:08:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
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This one is my favourite.
23. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
HAHAHA
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What kind of a stupid fuck would say this if they were claiming to have created the list themselves?
P.S Say Hi to my Mum for me
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-20 10:14:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No... you're right, you just implied it TURDBURGER! Your mother's here and won't let me wash her dress. Fuck it's just a stain, please call and tell her to get over it. Up your's stinkybum!!!
+0 in case I'm wrong.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-20 10:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps you should read the first line again and again and again until it sinks in Danger....
I never stated that this list was my own creation. Did I??
Either that or you could just fuck off! Whinging Dickhead.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-20 09:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Copy and paste your arse to your face.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-20 09:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh fuck off.
You've learnt the art of plagiarizing, knob-jockey. Is any of this original?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-20 09:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This one is my favourite.
23. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
HAHAHA
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-20 08:28:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
haha
Submitted by Thirty_Four_Eggs (user info) at 2005-03-20 07:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hadnt read some of these and enjoyed them