with 12 posts and 11,000 hits i have become the new god of ubersite (1791 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.22 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dr. Shabazz (View user info) at 2005-03-20 20:04:33 EST
my popularity has raised into dizzying heights as of late, and i'm proud to say that i am probably one of the sexiest men that has ever graced a computer. but enough of that, let's get to the topic at hand, the celestial and overpowering desire for hits.
to consider me a hitwhore would be disenfranchising and automative to excess of a degree. i am merely a person who seeks out the individuality and underlying sense of the sub-concsious structures that restrict this site to a level of dizzying heights. thomas jefferson once stated that for any form of government needs to overthrown once every 100 years to update ideas and modernize, and now is the time for us to overthrow this stinking town and take back what's ours.
this is what i demand. YOU, the user, needs to be true to yourself. from this moment on, you rate according to my new ratings structure that will consist of the following rules.
1. under no circumstances will you rate a post with anything higher than a 0 if it contains under one paragraph of dialogue. i understand a short post can occassionally make you laugh, hence the 0 instead of ass kissing +2.
2. anything written in the style of serious fiction will be rated based on the creativity of the writing. it is too hard to keep interest and build more than one character that a person can care about, so if you choose this path make sure to limit yourself to 1 character to talk about.
3. anything containing coherent, logical thought should never get a -2. i know i've done this many times before but i see that for anyone to put effort into this site is just beyond me. a -1 is a fair and ample rating for something with effort yet might have been rather boring or disinteresting, such as this.
4. i think that some posts about uber should be encouraged that are good ideas on how to make changes to it. it's like the a town that's afraid to talk about the way things are in fear that they will be hit with torches. im always willing to read ideas on how to make things better, since thats what i consider our whole reason for being here.
this is just a starting point. im hoping that we could brainstorm and possibly add a few in the comments below. i know some of you are unwilling to accept me but i dont give a shit. im 49% hotter than anyone on hotornot.com
so this is where i get rolling. ladies, i want to offer you a proposal. my girlfriend just broke up with me because she caught me masturbating into her bra (no joke). she totally wigged out for some stupid reason. she wasn't even supposed to be home for three days and it's not like i did it every day or anything, and i always wash them afterwards. so she dumped me, called me a freak, and now i'm back to my lonesome self.
this is where the girls of uber come in. i'm honestly such a nice guy, i treat women so good it would amaze you. i've seen some uber ladies and frankly, i could see myself with quite a few of you. pentameter (you sexy latina), tigerlilly (im a doctor, heres a nosejob), alwaysaneagle, the list goes on and on. ive lost a lot of weight recently and i see girls checking me out all the time. my dad has his own plane so i could fly to wherever you live and we could just get to know each other. i want to fall in love, i want something real. you girls are some of the sweetest, most beautiful people i have ever seen, and i would love to get to know you all better. my e-mail is floachella.at.yahoo.com. hit me up sometime, maybe it could be magic.
i know some of you ladies think im an asshole and thats alright, i cant win you all over. one of you will be mine though, just look at this face and tell me you couldn't resist my lips.
User Reviews
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-04-04 22:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by testy (user info) at 2005-04-04 15:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-04-04 08:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That picture hurt my fucking eyes.
Submitted by Douglas (user info) at 2005-04-02 19:45:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I never threatened to physically harm anybody you dumb fuck, I merely suggested they physically harm themselves to save me the effort.
Also, have a look here:- http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=slander
It's LIBEL if it's in print idiot - and only then if it's false. Everything I write is true: you DO bring nothing to this site and your posts are sublime only in their imbecility - It's like you just run your tiny, flaccid penis across the keyboard and then hit the 'hook me up' button and ejaculate.
Shit man, you must have to replace your Enter key each time you submit
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-04-02 15:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
big fucking deal tom. if ubersite was my whole universe i might but it isnt
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-04-02 15:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Average rating of all messages: -0.47
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-04-02 14:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i heat myself. get it?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-30 11:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
tit
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-30 11:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shouldn't the title read - "with 12 posts and 11,000 hits i have become the new god of ubersite's worst head ever list"??
The ugly stick is your friend my sty dwelling companion!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://crapoartworks.frandt.com/Yourpost/Results.html
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-25 16:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I totally want you
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-25 16:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-25 16:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
once again, a high degree of writting prowess, and use of satire. that said I am still waiting for something that is not a list or delibrately irksome.
as for your rating system, ideas ok, though I do not agree with them entirely.
throwing a bone to someone who has put effort into a post is a good policy. writting, or being funny, like 2nd grade art class, cannot really be graded according to the final product all the time.
-as for the ass kissing +2's, I just do not think they are ever going to go away. uber, as a micro-society works just like a larger one. Ever notice that once the -2 seal has been broken, everyone sees that it is okay, and -2's away? As for ass kissing, it too is a part of the social climbing mentality....don't want to make enemies when you can make friends, who might even +2 you back.
anyway, I occasionally +2 things that are not necassarily +2 material as a way to rienforce a flegling writter or first post type person, but that is my way. Nor do I often go below 0, unless something is really really bad. The way I look at it, just about everything is worth reading, but then again, I like ideas and bad comedy.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-03-22 19:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats your Aim? Message me; Tigrepaper
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2005-03-22 08:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK RIGHT OFF
Not only are you an asshole, you are an ugly fat asshole who think's he's god's gift!
And if you really want the world to see that photo... well the men in white coats should be coming to get you shortly.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-03-21 23:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
my popularity has raised into dizzying heights as of late
Yeah, boss. Popularity and notoriety are two completely different things. You are the latter.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-03-21 22:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cocky.
Submitted by kochier (user info) at 2005-03-21 18:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Who the hell are you?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-03-21 17:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WE HAVE A NEW COCK-PILLOW CHRIS EVANS WANNABE!
COCK
PILLOW
CHRIS
EVANS
WANNA
BE
Jeebus.
If your 12K, I'll guess 3K are yourself, so they don't count.
And 1500 are people like me who like to make fun of you, so they really don't count much beyond the first 400 or so.
I could break it down more based on personal reviews etc etc like I do for other idiot children from half-ghey half-inbred families, but I'm not that bored.
Yet.
Submitted by PoloboiGC (user info) at 2005-03-21 17:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
faggot you are no chris evans.. in one month I had over 36'000 hits. Your my bitch you ugly fuck..
There is, was, and can only be one "Chris Evans'
the great one.
P.S. you got big ole' titties like a girl.
your new name is Bitch tits" shabazz
yep Bitch Tits'
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-21 17:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, I am the embodiment of 1.
Submitted by EscapeArtist (user info) at 2005-03-21 17:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The look on your face makes me want to punch you, repeatedly.
Hey can you take a new picture???
I am feeling shenanigans on this one.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2005-03-21 14:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
18 posts and 29852 hits. Oh wait! I have a positive rating... Fuck you. My stats aren't that great, but yours are even worse. so fuck you.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:43:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
aahhhhh Pigsy! You suck asswipe.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WHAT dick?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i agree with 1 and 3. the rest of this is usual idiotic alter fare i would say.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-21 13:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCKTARD
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-21 12:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
though i realize retiring from this website is what most of you want, i've been thinking about it. the dumbass newbies who continually make fun of the picture, the non-noobs who don't even read my post and just make fun of my picture, then there are those who are listening and opening their ears. you are the true reason for this website. the rest of you can suck my dick.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-21 12:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what truck stop bathroom did you take that picture in?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-21 12:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
3. anything containing coherent, logical thought should never get a -2.
----------------
This is the only thing I have ever agreed with you on.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-21 11:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-21 11:45:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
#1 - this is fucking ridiculous! 1 paragraph of dialogue? do you know what dialogue is?
ignorant
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-03-21 11:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow....11,000 hits and a rating of -0.46. j00 R teh king!!!
....what's up with that picture....it looks like you're about to eat the camera.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-03-21 09:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who are you?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-21 09:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You make me want to barf (no joke).
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-21 09:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yu get no respect from me until I see actual posting, and I never saw a rebuttal to my comment in your previous post either
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-21 08:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Congrats, you're proud to be an asshole.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-21 08:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
God help me, I think I'm starting to like you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-21 07:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62334
Thirty minutes you lucky bastard!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-21 06:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JESUS CHRIST ,BRING THAT BASTARD DOWN TO THE YARD,tomorrow i am cutting bullocks and his balls can come out as well!that will take the spunk outa him i guarantee!
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2005-03-21 06:19:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU BIG OL FATTY POOM POOM
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-21 05:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy shit do I ever want to kick you in the face.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-21 05:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're wanking into a bra in that photo, AND taking a picture! Your girlfriend's with me now, and lets me wank in her mouth.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-21 04:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Pipe down, Porky.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-03-21 04:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-20 21:35:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
For someone as smart as yourself Bart will probably let you take the reins and drive everone to hell.
--------------------------------------------------
That was pretty goddamn funny.
As a side note....comeon dude...masturbating into her bra. Assuming that is in fact true, that makes you one sick fuck. No wonder she dumped you. What did you expect her to say "ooo you big sexy man, cum all over my bra!"? No. And now after having revealed this about yourself and saying you're a nice guy and all, you think someone on this site is despirate enough to have a sick fuck like you, unless they're into money (re: the whole jet thing).
Sorry to be so hard on you, but you have to realize that even though you may think you're the god of Ubersite....the world still revolves around me.
Thanks for playing.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-03-21 03:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too bad those hits aren't literal.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-03-21 02:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And I forgot to -2 you're ass, too.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-03-21 02:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:10:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, you are the new god of Ubersite. You are Manuros, God of Feces.
--------------------------------------------
As much as I don't like domenad, and don't get me wrong, I really don't like him, that was a good burn.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-21 01:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-21 01:36:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
You tell him, Electro.
============
Electro is a god.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-21 01:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
You tell him, Electro.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-21 01:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
GO FUCK YOURSELF!
You are not the one to set the rules.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-20 23:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's relatively close to how I rate. There are unfortunately very few posts that make me laugh out loud, but that would most likely grab a +2. But I don't give many -2 ratings either.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-03-20 23:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-20 23:18:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
# Hits: 113361
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-03-20 23:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have liver spots.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid fuck
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuckity fuck.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61877
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
competition link bitch
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll tell you what I've learned about the slaves of Uber: they hate being told how to rate. Mostly because they are a bunch of clique-mongering pussies who rate only after reading all the ratings for a post. So, nice try, but your good ideas are for naught.
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-03-20 22:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't really modernize anarchy. The descriptions of the rating system already seem somewhat out of place. Why are you so hellbent on changing Uber's culture? Just let it go.
Here's a neutral rating because I did get a good laugh at your little blurb at the end.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-20 21:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For someone as smart as yourself Bart will probably let you take the reins and drive everone to hell.
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-20 21:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In most cases notoriety on this site is not a good thing.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
name-calling? cunt? oh you must be british. yeah, go suck some cock then you fag. cunt, yeah that was good.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
cunt
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
at least i dont pose to be some 45 year old loser who spends his days and weekends pestering internet strangers on a website. you should go marry a computer
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
7000 of the hits come from you, yourself, dipshit. You should ask WhatTheHell for his hand in marriage, asshole. You two are a match made in dipshit heaven.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sure zakalwe. it'll be like quitting cigarettes together. we'll start tomorrow, though
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:38:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im sorry im not as tall as you are aj and i cant intimidate people to click my posts you beanpole of love.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:38:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, pulsehead is gone. it's been having problems...didn't realise gascs shut it down.
had an account, posted there a few times...it just wasn't the same. too many restrictions. people took it too seriously. no fun.
a suggestion shabazz: post something that makes no reference to Uber or Uberites in any way. there's a first time for everything.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pfft...
i average more hits/post than that. and that's with 12 UM posts and several fuckups.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i will be the first to lovingly state that pulsehead.com is dead. long live ubersite. i hated that fucking place
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go for it. personally i think if you really tried your hand at writing humor you would be suprised, some of your comments can be funny.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have to +2 such arrogance. plus that picture cracks me up every time now. i see your posts and scroll down to look for it.
you want me to write some fiction? because i can do that, you know.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FAC, its not that im telling, i just think that ubersite is too ADD for anything with real depth, like a series i should have specified. something like the necrosiac series by snark, i just want someone to explain to me what they see in it because i just find it very average fanfare.
and zakalwe poor zakalwe. you make it out as if i consider myself some sort of great poster. im not a great poster. what i am is a great person. i am a christ like figure, and i consider myself a sacrifice for justice that this site will soon see.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*with you for the first sentence.
Damn my typing.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
for fucks sake man, when did you become arbiter of all that is acceptable on this site?
you're a petty dickhead with twelve posts to your name and a piss-poor average rating. i may not post much content ANY MORE, but people seem to like my posts. can you say the same?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"anything written in the style of serious fiction will be rated based on the creativity of the writing. it is too hard to keep interest and build more than one character that a person can care about, so if you choose this path make sure to limit yourself to 1 character to talk about"
I'm totally there with you for the for sentence. But then the second part...As a fiction writer, I can only write stories with one character? Isn't that defeating the point of creativity, which could involve having that one character meet other characters, and thereby develop relationships the audience could get attached to?
Explain thyself.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
least i try to right the wrongs instead of contribute to the shit this site doesnt need, like what you do. you are an honest rater, and i respect that, but you should be banned from posting zakalwe
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hmmm...shit
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
four and a half months on this is still true. you haven't come a long way. dipshit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50283#923605
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
domenad is god of guy who won uber contest, no one cared
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you got room to call me anything porn boy?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:10:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, you are the new god of Ubersite. You are Manuros, God of Feces.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
GO
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOURSELF
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-20 20:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you have never EVER contributed anything worth a damn to this site. your opinion is worthless.