Celebrity Whores (4246 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.36 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by reallybored (View user info) at 2005-03-22 14:13:32 EST
The majority of the people in this world (Read: the US) are complete and total fuckjobs. In nature this problem would easily remedy itself through the jaws of some large predator, however humans are supposedly above that and therefore we must deal with these cretins on a daily basis.
Congealing on the bottom of the barrel of humanity is what I affectingly refer to as the Celebrity Whores ™. No I am not talking about Paris Hilton, or Britney Spears, or that chick with the tits Losomething or other. I'm talking about the fucking puke of society that lives and dies with every fucking action these "celebrities" take.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't get bothered by a person who has downloaded the Hilton sex tape or the pics of Christina Aguilera left meatcurtain. Please enjoy yourself and clean up afterward. What I do mind is the person that not only picks up and glances at but also had the audacity to actually buy one those trash magazines that reside near the checkout at the local supermarket.
Do you really need to know if <insert generic blonde celebrity with fake tits> got liposuction or not? Is it really important to you that the chick from the second season of The Apprentice is now giving snowballs to that guy who was kicked off the third week of the fourth season of Survivor? Or that J-Lo may or may not have been wearing her engagement ring when she took a shit at Arby's last Thursday?
Does any of this really have any meaning on your fucking pathetic life?
No it doesn't. The only reason you jackasses keep up with this shit is because your life is so devoid of any meaning you need to live through other people. You're like the dad that flips out on his 8 yr old son because he missed the penalty kick in some youth soccer league and the team didn't win the $2 trophy.
You people are weak and are a detriment to human civilization. For every minute you lemmings spend glued to your fucking TV watching E (Evil?) you could be out doing something productive like reading books, feeding the homeless, or giving handjobs to paraplegics.
The only comfort I can take is in the hope one of you favorite celebrities ODs on Gummies Bears and coke and you end up slitting your own wrists in misery.
P.S Remember it's north/south, not east/west. You fucks would probably screw up your own suicide.
User Reviews
Submitted by 360_Modena (user info) at 2005-03-25 12:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is what I've been saying forever (not on uber). Glad to see someone finally agree
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey RB how's tricks?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-22 22:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been fantasizing about you, RB.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-22 19:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
go drink some more orange juice and eat some fish, that should help your creativity.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-03-22 18:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is nice to see an old fucker
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It's even nicer to fuck an old fucker, I'm the oldest member here, ergo lets get busy.
Just kidding I'm more interested in reallybored.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-03-22 18:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. We missed you dearly.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-22 18:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've just started perusing Uber after many, many months away. It is nice to see an old fucker return.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2005-03-22 18:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, but, no shit. So what?
It's good to see all these old names around here today.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Supposedly if you read enough mags or watch enough tele part of our brains registers the characters as friends.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post.
Welcome back.
Submitted by Bryan (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have a word with fatony, he's makin us NY chaps look bad you know?
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Truer words were never spoken.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that you died. I am glad that you're not dead.
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tragiksaint (user info) at 2005-03-22 16:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-22 16:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
E! is the bane of my existence
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-03-22 16:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude all women are stupid. they dont need to be famous.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope to one day be a greasy sleazebag skirt-hound on a par with you, so I wanted to ask should i wear my medalion over or under my stained vest, and second of all, for the construction site connoisseur, what is the appropriate thing to holler at a passing woman with whom one wishes to become acquianted?
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When I use to work moving in NYC i use to yell such nicities as "Come smoke this pole, bitch" or "Want a DNA milkshake?". Of course my job didn't have the added mystique that is construction so your mileage may vary.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay I missed rb!
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:16:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi, names jimay, long time fan first time caller,
I hope to one day be a greasy sleazebag skirt-hound on a par with you, so I wanted to ask should i wear my medalion over or under my stained vest, and second of all, for the construction site connoisseur, what is the appropriate thing to holler at a passing woman with whom one wishes to become acquianted?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I went and checked out aceyloulou posts and what do you know, shes a fat chick. Shocking!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree.
Welcome back.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2005-03-22 15:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:52:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
People like to watch and read about famous people. They're famous, we're nosey. They live their lives in the limelight and this is a bridge they have to cross. I buy all those trashy magazines every week and I love it! I'd rather read about whether or not Kirstie Alley is still fat than about that poor woman and her feeding tube. That shit's just depressing. So, I'll keep living in my fantasy world of the famous while the rest of the world decays around me. I don't think that people who read about celebrities are what's ruining society, that's just absurd
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Nosey is a person who asks what you paid for on that new toyota you bought. You people are fucking morons.
I'm glad the best way for you to escape the extreme melancholy that is the terri schivao shit is to bury yourself in these trash magazines like some sort of ostridge. Yes the plige of Kristie Alleys waistline is so much more important that then possible government issues being addressed in the other story.
Enjoy your bread and circuses.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I gave five handjobs to parapaligics this year.
Submitted by aceyloulou (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
People like to watch and read about famous people. They're famous, we're nosey. They live their lives in the limelight and this is a bridge they have to cross. I buy all those trashy magazines every week and I love it! I'd rather read about whether or not Kirstie Alley is still fat than about that poor woman and her feeding tube. That shit's just depressing. So, I'll keep living in my fantasy world of the famous while the rest of the world decays around me. I don't think that people who read about celebrities are what's ruining society, that's just absurd.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny....considering this is coming from a guy who had a series of Which Celebrity Would You Rather Sleep With.
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Theres a big difference between contemplating whether or not a celebrity gets your dick/pussy hard/wet and the kind of stuff i'm talking about in this post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm a big fan of celebrity whores...or any whore, for that matter.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny....considering this is coming from a guy who had a series of Which Celebrity Would You Rather Sleep With.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just talking about this exact subject with a co-worker the other day. Some idiot at our office has a subscription to People and decided to bring in a big stack of old magazines. I feel the same way you do, who fucking cares?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty content with life right now. When that happens you tend to lose any sort of creativity. Luckily my GFs friend is into all this crap and makes me want to hang her with her own fallopian tubes.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nothing new there
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:24:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:20:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice rant.
Life must be good if you haven't been around here for this long.
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No, he's just pissed Tom Sorell passed him on the MVA
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Stupid magazines. I work for a newsagent so I have to see all the dodgy headlines. My favourite of all:
No Dieting !!! Lose 20 lb. in 20 minutes!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:20:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice rant.
Life must be good if you haven't been around here for this long.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's what the Germans call Schadenfreude - pleasure in the misfortune of others. Particularly when those "others" are rich, beautiful celebrities.
I, for one, love seeing Paris Hilton and her ilk get publicly humiliated. Petty and mean? Sure. But it's just so damn funny.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice rant.
Life must be good if you haven't been around here for this long.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:17:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
where the hell have YOU been?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what is "giving a snowball"?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where the hell have YOU been?
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus. fucking. two.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-03-22 14:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was gonna be good!
I guess I was wrong!