Killing English (728 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (View user info) at 2005-03-22 23:58:28 EST
One thing I can't stand is having to deal with people every single day that murder the English language. I'm not talking about speaking with people so much as I am referring to assholes I work with who cannot even conceive of writing a coherent sentence.
At work I have to report to morons who generate a memo for anything and everything. It's the kind of job I have. If you want something, you need to write a memo. If you change something, the same thing is required. I am sure you get the idea.
Every day I am forced to look at and acknowledge memos (that could have been produced by third graders) written by my supervisors. These memos are generated in Microsoft Word. Word is a great program that features "spell check" and "grammar check". Why these supervisors do not use these features is well beyond my comprehension. I can tell that the supervisors rode the short bus into work. I used to take a red pen (like the teacher corrected papers with in grammar school) and circle the errors and write in what should have been there. The response to this was great. A MEMO was posted that stated:
"I have noticed that someone is correcting my memoes. This practice will cease immediately. That someone is using a red pen to put in there comments. That someone thinks it is funny, to make fun of an official document. Whoever is doing this will be disciplined if they keep correcting. This has gone beyond a joke and is serious."
Obviously, when no one was around, I took out the red "smack pen" and riddled the fucking memo with corrections. The asshole, illiterate supervisor spent weeks trying to figure out who did this while my cohorts and myself sat around laughing.
I think that anyone who cannot read (yeah, this asshole sounds like a "Hooked on Phonics" dropout when he tries to read anything out loud), write, and speak the King's English should automatically be disqualified from ever supervising anyone. The longer I work for this clown, the more I believe that euthanasia for incredibly inept and stupid humans is a great idea. To steal a quote from one of favorite recent posts, ("I Quit My Job Today" http://www.ubersite.com/m/60657 ):
(I would like to tell this supervisor) "Your only redeeming quality is that you will eventually die"
Learn to spell. Learn when and where a comma is appropriate. Learn proper verb usage. Blow your fucking head off and save all of us the aggravation. If you can't do any of those things, have the goddam secretaries proofread your memos before you stick them to the bulletin board.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh God, you just reminded me:
I worked in an IT department once (long time ago) and had a call from a very distressed high up boss lady who wanted to get a mail she'd sent to everyone (3000 employees) because she'd made a mistake.
I'd got the mail three minutes earlier, along with the rest of the department who had all noticed the error.
We declared that it couldn't be done - Of course it *could*, but we were'nt going to tell her that...
She'd used the spell check and not bothered to look when it had replaced her surname "Angus" with "Anus"...
I think the computer was spot on - the mail was about how the company couldn't afford to give us raises that year.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You wanna watch it - they'll be a memo banning red pens at your place in no time.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-21 04:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-23 19:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:48:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome title! """"
hehehehehe
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome title!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My blood pressure goes through the roof every time I get an "official document" from one of the higher-ups at my company and it's full of spelling and grammar errors. I can't respect a grown man or woman who writes like a learning-disabled third grader. It's lazy, it's unprofessional, and there is no excuse for it.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:06:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:54:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have noticed that someone is correcting my memoes. This practice will cease immediately. That someone is using a red pen to put in there comments. That someone thinks it is funny, to make fun of an official document. Whoever is doing this will be disciplined if they keep correcting. This has gone beyond a joke and is serious."
hahahaha.
seriously though, there are more important things in life than correcting grammar and spelling. unless it is something chris evans has written.""""
No thier aint.
Otherwise standards just get worserer and woserer.
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He's right you know.
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a boss like that. He claims to be dyslexic but is actually just a thick, sweaty, fat shitcunt. phew......and breathe
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:06:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:54:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have noticed that someone is correcting my memoes. This practice will cease immediately. That someone is using a red pen to put in there comments. That someone thinks it is funny, to make fun of an official document. Whoever is doing this will be disciplined if they keep correcting. This has gone beyond a joke and is serious."
hahahaha.
seriously though, there are more important things in life than correcting grammar and spelling. unless it is something chris evans has written.""""
No thier aint.
Otherwise standards just get worserer and woserer.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read this thrice now. I don't know why i haven't reviewed.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:54:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have noticed that someone is correcting my memoes. This practice will cease immediately. That someone is using a red pen to put in there comments. That someone thinks it is funny, to make fun of an official document. Whoever is doing this will be disciplined if they keep correcting. This has gone beyond a joke and is serious."
hahahaha.
seriously though, there are more important things in life than correcting grammar and spelling. unless it is something chris evans has written.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:40:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, i've got a great idea! Lets all write replies that contain numerous spelling mistakes, not to mention grammatical error! That would be extremely original and humourous.
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Bit slow on the bandwagon there.
Or were you bit sarcastic? (wags finger with the gayest of smiles)
You tinkler
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, i've got a great idea! Lets all write replies that contain numerous spelling mistakes, not to mention grammatical error! That would be extremely original and humourous.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good post and stuff but erm, we have a queen now dude. sorry, if i throw you a rope can you pull yourself out of the fifties?
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha i loved this. UBER is a good place to steal ideas for use at my job hehehehehe.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh boy, does this give me an idea for a post. Nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to Bridget. My security guard.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I am in agreeance with you about this subject. When I was working for a corporation that posted memos on a weekly basis, they at least took the time to either use spell check or have someone proofread them. Then, after quitting that job and going elsewhere, I found out this isnt true everywhere, and most writers of memos(bosses)are total morons.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No, problem
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck it. I thought this was going to be about Rugby or sumthink. We love smashing those cunts at all manner of sports related tom-foolery. +2 for the post and -1 for thinking MS Turd's a "great program".
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-23 01:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
M HOKED ON PHONNNIX! W0
:)
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"but in doing so butcher our language. like the example above. so don't be so quick to judge, maybe. "
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That's some excellent grammar.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen, brother.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by pope_ridiculous (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, i hate poor grammar... sucks that you have that job.
thought i'd point out one thing, though:
"...while my cohorts and myself sat around laughing."
myself sat around laughing? one of the biggest problems i have on a day-to-day basis is with people who try to sound extra grammatical, often by using the word "myself," but in doing so butcher our language. like the example above. so don't be so quick to judge, maybe.
Submitted by propertie_fenspost (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If your aim in posting that post was to get everyone rating you with spelling and grammar errors, it seems you have succeeded.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose.
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
te ,whoms engrish ?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're bos is teh suck !
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TIHS POST WAS RITTEN REEeLY G000d!
;-)
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-23 00:03:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God save the Princess-Consort's English!