Breaking news regarding Terri Schiavo! (1647 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.22 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Darko (View user info) at 2005-03-23 04:25:58 EST
Thanks to the power of Jesus and George W. Bush (who are we kidding, Bush has more pull nowadays) a compromise has been made which allows for Terri Schiavo to be able to live without her feeding tube and still be a productive member of society. Her head was severed and then reattached to a giant cucumber so now she can photosynthesize in order to obtain food.
Soon after the procedure action was taken by Terri's husband Michael attempted to stick his wife in a jar of pickle juice. But George Bush quickly had Michael Schiavo arrested as a terrorist who was trying to destory God. On his way to be transported to a secure prison Michael Schiavo was accidently shot in what has been called an act of God. No investigation will take place.
Terri was not single for long and is now engaged to a tomato only known as Bob. Terri says he is the only one who understands her and they have such a deep connection. They plan to make books and videos about the teachings of God. They are pictured below after signing a made for tv movie contract.
God has truely blessed you Terri, but more importantly so has George W. Bush. You are an inspiration to us all.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Either I don't get the American references, or this is shit.
Possibly both.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
didn't make me laugh. why should this tripe be funny?
Submitted by Dick_Donkeysaber (user info) at 2005-04-02 01:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't believe all the blatant, dripping, in-your-face cock imagery in this so-called "Christian" series called Veggie Tales...
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HEE HO
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
boy did i laugh!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who gives this a bad rating, has no sense of humor.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-24 05:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck all this, this is the third time I've lost an entire paragraph of GENIUS comedy to computer error.
Darko, just imagine something funny that would stick in your head all day, never failing to help you escape from whatever shitty situation you may be in and that would be one of the two (somehow) failed replies. I'm funny goddamnit but AOL/Uber/God won't let me prove myself.
Let me sober up and I'll come up with something worth reading, until then you are stuck with this.
Sorry,
Banga
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-03-24 04:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont expect it to last. The tomato is a fruit.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-24 03:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What actually IS veggie Tales???
I've only ever heard of them on this post and on posters in the bookshop in some Christian evangelist college I visited with my school once (to use facilities, not to be brainwashed).
Submitted by boneface (user info) at 2005-03-24 03:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
oh.........
dear
Submitted by skrew_ball (user info) at 2005-03-24 03:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! Veggie Tales.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-24 01:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DAMN YOU ELECTRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How the hell did you find out how much I loathe that comercial/bastardization of the song. The other day my 12 year old brother wouldn't stopp singing it because he knew it annoyed me, and I had to resort to giving him a wedgie to make it stop.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-03-24 00:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-03-24 00:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*singing* "Put the lime in the coke..."
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-03-23 20:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA. this made my day.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-23 20:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
:shudder:
Veggie Tales.
Submitted by YourMom (user info) at 2005-03-23 19:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-23 17:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-23 17:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Can't breathe. veggie tales!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-03-23 14:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-03-23 13:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should check out the Darko Post that started with one of your submissions. It's up to 2,100 hits and 180 replies. I'm as surprised as you.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:40:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are soooo going to hell for this
I just thought you should know
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ah, fuck it.
made me laugh.
seriously though, enough with this bitch.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah I +2'd this.
Now later today God will strike me down with a bolt of lightning for laughing at this.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-23 12:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had wanted to do a post where terri ended up as a vegetable as opposed to remaining her vegetable like self, and this was the product.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-23 11:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ha!
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:20:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
VEGGIE-TALES!!!!
You suck for making me +2 this.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Terri was not single for long and is now engaged to a tomato only known as Bob
--------
Why am I laughing...
Happy Holidays Darko...
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-23 10:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Original and funny = You rule!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-23 09:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, man
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-23 09:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know I shouldn't - but this was fucking hilarious...
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hurray!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-23 07:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VEGGIE-TALES!!!!
You suck for making me +2 this.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2005-03-23 06:14:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
funny
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-03-23 05:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-23 05:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Darko, darko, darko.... Hells bells man.