What's on your resume? (759 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by brian Evans <the_big_brioski.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-04-09 20:58:28 EDT
So its that time of year again, school is running down, nothing but a few short weeks of exams and then its back to work for the summer. Or if you're like me, it's no more school and it's time to get a "real" job.
I've been job hunting for 3 months now, i've been carefully inserting my fishing hook (staple) through my resume and dangling it out into the waters of oportunity and so far i've had a nibble (1 interview) but no real keepers (job offers).
What's everybody else been doing to become gainfully employed?
Is your resume a carefully sculpted work of art? or just a dressed up lump of dog shit?
Also, it occured to me that maybe some of you ubersiters might have had the opportunity to do some hiring in their lifetime. So I ask you, what is the 1 thing (or several things) that would cause you to throw out a resume without even reading it?
All you younguns take notes for your resumes because soon it will be all that matters in your life.
User Reviews
Submitted by sendmehatemail (user info) at 2003-04-10 10:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hehe....im gonna brag a bit
JOBS I HAVE, OR HAVE WORKED
1. newspapers...yes newspapers ..youd be suprised how well they pay. ($8.oo an hour)
2. field management...fancy word for person who walks around with a shuvel. (7.50 an hour)
3. sykes enterprises...i sit in a chair and talk on the phone with people who cant figure out where their computer task bar went.. ($10 an hour)
4. deep sea fishing in a few weeks, go out for two weeks make 25 dollars an hour plus share of money from catch...it will pay through collage quite easily ...its dangerous but hey ide make a lousy prostitute...
in any event i just told the person hireing me that i had one thing they couldent teach anyone else and thats a good attitude, work ethic, and over all im a great socializer...not that you need it to go fishing...but no matter what you do you have to work with people now and then...
Submitted by tpx187 (user info) at 2003-04-10 04:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If my life ends up with shitty "ditch-digging" jobs then one day I'll say fuck it, move to Vegas become some sort of ditch digger out there until I strike it rich or die of a massive coke over-does.
Bobbs
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-04-10 04:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tpx187 - I see a sterling future for you - one of busting ass for other people and looking surprised. Keep it up, the world needs people like you.
Submitted by tpx187 (user info) at 2003-04-10 04:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mc Donalds
Umpire
Waiter at Bennigens
Footaction shoesales man
Miller Lite Distributor (cleaner)
Stock boy for Meijer (Toy dept)
Kay-Bee Toys
Employed for my father at a sports center
Dry Down attendant at Turtle Wax
Coke Distributor (stockin)
The City of St. Charles Public Works Dept. (Sewar dept)
Foodservice dishwasher at Eastern Illinois Uni.
These are all the jobs I have worked in my life, granted all have been part-time and I wasnt employed very long at a few (some as little as 2 weeks). I have filled out more W-2s than I would like to remember. Do you think these jobs will ever help me in my future? I would doubt it. Oh yea I am only 20...
Bobbs
PS Kay-Bee Toys was by far the best job ever, until it went under at the mall I worked at.
Submitted by TheMan (user info) at 2003-04-10 03:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Resumes suck.
The corporate world sucks. Get out now.
I show up with my tools, walk up to the boss, say "You hiring?"
Boss says "Yep."
It's that simple.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-04-10 02:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been at the job I'm at now for just over three years (holy shit!). Before this job, I had three other professional jobs and a handful of college/pre-college jobs, all of various degrees of "importance".
One thing I can say: write for your audience. If you're going to be applying to a big corp or online submission of some kind, make sure you fill your resume with enough buzzwords to get past the "natural language processor" or the non-techie recruiter.
The most important thing: don't make things up. Don't even "fluff it up". Be thorough if appropriate, but be honest. If the job requirement reads "two years of experience", try to win them over with your maturity and adaptability. Also, in a market like this, it may take a while to find a place willing to pay what you're looking. If you can afford to stick it out, do so, otherwise you'll have to take a cut.
If you get to the point of having an interview, try to be interesting. I've interviewed a bunch of people and you'd be amazed at how they screw up on the simplest things. They're more concerned about the shirt they're wearing and the certifications on their resume, all the while I'm listening to the way they form sentences and the tone they use to address me. If you're competent, we can teach you the "skills" you don't have. If you're a jackass, can't convey a clear thought, or disrespect me as a stranger, you lose.
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2003-04-09 22:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whenever i've needed a job, i break out my phone book and call everyone i know. i blitzkrieg emails to different contacts and try to do what ken and barbie would do if they had a movie coming out, to create a buzz.
i've rarely gotten work through ads and now i know why. there are people like me on the other end of a fax machine looking through resumes between websurfing and real work. i look for 2 things, females that have graduated college within the last 2-3 years that did something like personal assistant or office manager and then the right candidate for the job regardless of sex.
i then call what i thought were the cute chicks on the phone and arrange a telephone interview. i try to figure out if they're hot or not and if they sound good i arrange to have them interviewed and try to sprinkle them throughout the day on fridays so i have something to look forward to.
so your best bet is either to know someone, be a cute girl, or to have the balls to contact someone directly. use your resume for nothing more than a place to have your contact information handy.
Submitted by Snipa at 2003-04-09 21:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure to ask if they press charges.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-04-09 21:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And include a picture of your left testicle. Employers love to see left testicles.
Yes, they do.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-04-09 21:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lie like a dog. If you cleaned offices, you'll be an interior design consultant. If you worked in a call center, brag of your wide experience in dealing with clients & your people skills.
If you sat around & counted hles in the ceiling tiles while surfing on uber, you can mention that you are a "self motivated self starter who pays attention to details & can creativly organize worktime to allow for personal growth. If you were a bill collector, you can say that you are a determined go getter with a flair for creative interpersonal communication & credit financing experience.
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2003-04-09 21:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Under the volunteer/organizations heading im going to list Ubersite