Habeeb Thomas Super Awesome Variety Show (1035 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqLabels: favorites
Rating: 1.4 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Habeeb "Go Away" Thomas (View user info) at 2005-03-24 12:14:48 EST
(Ladies and gentleman, live from Studio 46b section 104t, It's the Habeeb Thomas Variety Show.)
The Thomas Topless Dancers...
"Yeah. woo wooo
I'm back
da na na na na na na
hip hop hip to the hop and flip flop tip to the top
Be bop riiiggghhht"
-----------------------------
Ok, lets begin the show
I was out driving my car today, and this guy cut me off without using his turn signal,
(BOOOOO WHAT AN ASS BOO WOO YEAH)
Yeah, tell me about it, So anyway, he cut me off, but there was a police car behind me and he pulled the guy over. I saw him drinking a fresh crisp Pepsi as he pulled onto the shoulder and i passed him. Guess drinking and driving doesn't pay, huh??
(NOO WOOOOOO HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA)
I'd like to introduce the segment of the show where we give you, our audience
(WOOOOOO WOO WE ROCK N ROLL YEAH WOO)
a chance to see a young person who may one day end up with my job
(HAHAHAHAHA NO WAY HAHAHAHAHA)
Oh thank you. Todays young star is Emily Rodriguez and she is gonna share a story she wrote. Are you ready Emily?
Emily: Si senor
Oh, spicy A Latina sensacion!!!?!
(Hahahahahahahaha)
The stage is yours Emily
Emily:
tank chu
I ave a tory for chu
Wun dae dere wuz dis mang. He went outside uv hees hous. Eet becums very evening out and he's got chilie so's hee's went back in. He go bak inseed and he makes heemself a sammich, den he watcha da Habeeb Thomas Show and go to sleep. The end
iARIBA ARIBA (dances)
----
Wow Emily, it was like we were there. Great story huh?
(WOOOOOO HAHAHAAHAHHAWOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP)
Oh yeah, he shoulda worn a coat
What a dufus. A HEE HEE
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
Time for a commercial break....
-----------------
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Crick de crack, crack de crick, Bejew makes it all slick.
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---------------------------------------------------------
Ok, we're back. I'd like to introduce out first guest. Some call him the symbol of the nation, others call him the best thing since the VCR. I call him a birdbrain, just kidding Alan,
(HAHAHAHA U GOT TREATED SUCKA WOO HAHHA WOO CLAP CLAP)
it's Alan the Eagle!!!
(WOOOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP)
So Alan, what have you been up to these days?
Alan: CAAAAWWWW CAAAWWWW (flys away)
Well I guess he answered our question folks!!
(HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH)
It's time for another commercial break. When we return, the BEATLES!!!
(WOOOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEKK WOOOOOO SCREAAM)
----------------------------------
Oh man, it's so hot out Ralphy
Yeah tell me about it, we need to find something to drink.
(strange man approaches)
Do you sweet boys want a delicous cool refreshing Pepsi to replenish the liquids your hot young bodies are sweating out and creating a shimmering glow upon?
Sure Mr. Thanks!!
"When it's for a Pepsi, it's ok!!"
---------------------------------------
Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles.....
(RAAAA RAAAAAA WOOOOO CLAP CLAP WOOOOOO SCREAM FAINT HURL DEFECATE WOOOO SCREAM HEMMORAGE SCREAM WOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WOO)
"Come on come on come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on take it easy
Come on take it easy.
Take it easy take it easy.
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.
The deeper you go the higher you fly.
The higher you fly the deeper you go.
So come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on take it easy
Come on take it easy.
Take it easy take it easy.
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.
Your inside is out and your outside is in.
Your outside is in and your inside is out.
So come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on take it easy
Come on take it easy.
Take it easy take it easy.
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey"
Wow, ladies and gentlemen the Beatles are leaving the stage
(RAAAA RAAAAAA WOOOOO CLAP CLAP WOOOOOO SCREAM FAINT)
THE END IS NEAR...
(WHAT? AHHHH NOOOOO RUN!!!)
Of the show that is.....!!!!
(OH WHEW THANK GOODNESS WOOOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP)
But before we go does anyone have any questions? Uh oh, I hear the Pot8tomanjack dancers...
"DO DEE DO
DA DEE DEE
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR ME??
IF YOU DO
GO ON AND ASK
I'LL ANSWER IT AND YOU"LL BE GLAD YOU ASKED
HURRAY
IT'S AUDIENCE QUESTION TIME!!!"
Ok, who has the LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BEATLES HAVE JUST GOTTEN ONTO THE ONRAMP OF THE INTERSTATE!!!!, who has the first question?
Yes you in the green polo and tan pants. Whats your name?
Alfred
Ok Al, Whats your question?
Alfred: Why did you just call me Al?
Because thats you name. Next question?
Yes you, young obese lady in the yellow mumu?
Fat Lady: Can you expain to me the Schrödinger equation of dssapative dynamics?
Well we ain't got much time left but I'll try my best. Here goes: he Schrödinger equation describes time evolution of pure states of a quantum system, for instance evolution of pure states of a quantum particle, or of a many body system. Even if these states contain only statistical information about most of the physical quantities, the Schrödinger evolution of pure states is continuous and deterministic . Under this evolution Hilbert space vector representing the actual state of the system changes continuously with time, and with it there is a continuous evolution of probabilities or potentialities, but nothing happens - the formalism leaves no place for events. Schrödinger equation helps us very little, or nothing at all, to understand how potential becomes real. So, if we aim at understanding of this process of becoming, if we want to describe it by mathematical equations and to simulate it with computers - we must go beyond Schrödinger's dynamics. As it happens, we do not have to go very far - it is sufficient to relax only one (but important) property of Schrödinger's dynamics and to admit that pure states can evolve into mixtures. Instead of Schrödinger equation we have then a so called Liouville equation that describes time evolution of mixed states. It contains Schrödinger equation as a special case.It was shown in that using the Liouville type of dynamics it is possible to describe coupling between quantum systems and classical degrees of freedom of measurement devices. One can derive also a piecewise deterministic random process that takes place on the manifold of pure states. In this way one obtains a minimal description of "quantum jumps" (or "reduction of wave packets") and accompanying, directly observable jumps of the coupled classical devices.
Does that clear it up for you?
Fat Lady: Oh my no
Good. Well that about wraps it up for the evening. It's been a LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE BEATLES HAVE JUST PAID THIER FIRST TOLL ON THE INTERSTATE!!
(HURL DEFECATE WOOOO SCREAM HEMMORAGE SCREAM WOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WOO)
Wow thats great. Goodnight Everyone!!!
GO RUSH WOO!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-05-11 03:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-11 02:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-25 11:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have found myself saying "I usually hate your stuff, but this was awesome" a lot lately.
--------------------------------------
Holy shit.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-11 02:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE END IS NEAR...
(WHAT? AHHHH NOOOOO RUN!!!)
Of the show that is.....!!!!
(OH WHEW THANK GOODNESS WOOOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-18 23:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THE END IS NEAR...
(WHAT? AHHHH NOOOOO RUN!!!)
Of the show that is.....!!!!
(OH WHEW THANK GOODNESS WOOOOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP)
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-18 23:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(HURL DEFECATE WOOOO SCREAM HEMMORAGE SCREAM WOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WOO)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-18 23:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-24 20:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have found myself saying "I usually hate your stuff, but this was awesome" a lot lately.
Does this mean I don't usually hate your stuff?
Because this was fucking awesome
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-03-24 16:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The sad thing is, I actually read and fully understood the Schrödinger equation of dssapative dynamics.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:25:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
------------------------------
your name backwards sounds like
egret the moth
what the hell is a thaumaturge?
I understand urge because I have those all the time...
but what's a thaumat?
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want tickets...
also, needs more fusion!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-03-24 14:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-24 14:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh good, more anti-bush crap
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-24 13:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at "HURL DEFECATE"
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-03-24 13:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're utterly mad. But in a good way.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-03-24 13:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is wrong with you ?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-03-24 13:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-03-24 13:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do I find everything you do to be utterly hilarious?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by standardeviant (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jew non want Iya means
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES! more of this, please.
More beatles, too. Next time show us some graphics with goldie hawn popping out of a wooden window with flowers all over it.....or something. you know what i mean. from that show.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love RUSH too.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the monkey song!!!
dude... don't bogart that joint.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't read all of this...lost interest...but it seemed like it had potential, tardo. So here's a +.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(HURL DEFECATE WOOOO SCREAM HEMMORAGE SCREAM WOOO CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WOO)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-24 12:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow beebers, you're so godamn hit or miss it disgusts me. this was a hit all the way, though.