I am my friend's sisters diary, and shes dirty (4191 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.47 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by snarf (View user info) at 2005-03-25 05:29:44 EST
Me and Ben (anonymity purposes have been mates since I was 14, im 23 now so thanks to my schooling days, I can confidently state our friendship is currently 9 years old.
Our families have holidayed together, he lives 5 minutes from my house, we went to the same school and uni. And by pure chance my dad knows his dad, rather dislikes his dad from his younger days, not too keen on him myself. Why you might ask?
Bens dad is one of those guys who's done whatever you've done, only of course he's done bigger, faster and better, oh.... and its all bullshit
You might have caught a 6lb fish on your first ever fishing trip, but bens dad has only harpooned a fucking whale.....blindfolded............standing on one leg.......while juggling. One of those guys,
Fucking blatant lies! Who's this guy trying to impress??, will I ever say anything?? , Of course not ill just happily nod and smile, safe in the knowledge that I've just pissed in his sink....blindfolded.....standing on one leg...... I can't juggle
Anyway, on one of this holidays think I was 17, my inability to diffuse a volatile situation was exposed.
At this point I would like to introduce Bens sister - Sally.
Now I know your all automatically thinking that I boned Sally, but I didn't and haven't in the time that has passed since. Note I've said since, and therefore not excluded any potential future intimate meetings with Sally.
You know how it is with mates sister's, you never really notice them until <bam> your sitting in your mates house and all of a sudden the sister has whipped down her top to show you her pierced nipple. Seriously.
Over the years I've somehow through no fault of my own become a sex confidant for Sally, tales of how she needs it at least twice a day, how she met with a 30 yr old married man and he rid her silly, are regular topics of conversation that crop up.
A reason myself and Bens friendship has lasted so long and why I put up with her dad
Sally is a an attractive, yet somewhat naïve girl - perfect combination you'd think, but by naïve, I mean leaves her diary under her pillow, and writes everything and I mean everything in that little book, which her brother used to read religiously, and which ultimately forms the basis of this tale
Anyway back to the holiday
Sally had started going out with this German guy Jans.
Jans was a smart guy, he spoke perfect English, French and Dutch, and was only 15. Now surely we would have given him the respect he deserved for possessing such a linguistic gift.
No.
Poor Jans had to endure, at least once a day, the following jest
Me: Hey Jans, have you lost something?
Fluent in 3 foreign languages Jans: What? No I don't think so, thanks for asking but... (He was so polite too)
Me: yea you have, the war.
Fuck, I was a knob.
Anyway one night, Ben comes storming up to the caravan and asks me if I've seen Jans or his sister, and I can tell by his agitated tone, it's not to hum dambusters outside Jans tent.
Me. What's going on? Why are you so pissed?
Ben: I read Sally's diary.
Me: Yea, anything about me in it?
(I can instantly tell by his face, nows not the time for jokingly sexual remarks about his sister, by his increased pacing)
Me: Why you looking for Jans?
Ben: Sally and Jans have done stuff
Me: What stuff?
Ben: you know...Stuff...
Me: (at this point my lack of tactness is fully exposed, as I let my teenage hormones run away with my imagination)
Me: anal?
Ben: Fuck!!!???
Me: Missionary
Ben: Jesus Christ
Me: What then? 69er?
Ben: that's my fucking sister you're talking about
Me: what stuff then? Blowjob??
Ben: for fucksake she wanked him off
Me: ohh right, yea, ummm and theres nothing about me in it??
Ok, so not only have I not calmed Ben down ive managed to formulate sexual scenarios in his head, between his sister and this german guy, while managing to get myself aroused in the process.
Im good.
Bens not happy, and is more pissed than I've ever seen him
Typically at this point Sally and Jans come strolling round the corner hand in hand, and in a flash, Bens ran over and twatted him.
After a minute or so I decided I better step in, as jans isn't even fighting back, it would appear clear that jans linguistic gift would not win the day in this scenario
The pound-a-german session is stopped and a crowd has now gathered. In the midst of this scuffle sally has run off in tears.
Being the good friend that I am, I give chase and catch up with her in a matter of seconds, she's just a really shit runner.
In between a lot of sobbing, I explain the situation, and how I have no idea why Ben was so pissed, I mean all you did was "wank Jan off" I state, was that all? No anal?? But my questions are only responded with quizzical looks and firm no's.
I manage to calm her done and reveal that her diary was the culprit and not the guy who had her brother picturing her re-enacting the karma sutra.
I told her she shouldn't write stuff like that in her diary, and thinking about it now it was probably at that point, the seeds were sown for my sex confidant role.
I am now officially Sally's diary, and of the fore mentioned scenarios in my fantasy creating dialogue with Ben,...Sally, I can safely say, has excelled herself.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-31 06:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
despite the errors, the 'Me: anal?' line save it.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck, you people dont have take the english language thing seriously, i admit it was rushed.
my boss was hovering about my desk all day, silly bitch, so didnt get a chance to proof read it.
it wont happen again.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
had a few really funny lines.... solid +1
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-25 09:11:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
i've always wondered if sisters are as protective over their younger brothers sex life?
say your 14 year old brother is fucking his teacher - what would you do?
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My brother used to come to me for condoms when he was 16 because he was too embarrassed to buy them for himself. Then one day I got tired of him stealing them all and told him to take his gorgeous girlfriend with him to the store, plunk a box of magnums on the conveyor belt and grin like a retard, because then everyone will know that you're shagging that gorgeous blonde girl.
He's never used my condoms since.
Work on your spelling and grammar and such and I think you'll be very funny.
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-25 11:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting, but pls work on you writing skillz so you can give us the blow-by-blow when you finally bone Sally.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-03-25 10:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This reads like horseshit. I've seen better.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-25 10:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Decent enough.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-25 09:28:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"people will think that you want to fuck your sister. And no one wants that"
I want that.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-25 09:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually have a 13 year old half brother that I am close with. If I found out he was having sex with his teacher, I would notify our parents and the police. I would not go and attempt vigilante justice by beating up the teacher. That would be a bit too Jerry Springer.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-25 09:11:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i've always wondered if sisters are as protective over their younger brothers sex life?
say your 14 year old brother is fucking his teacher - what would you do?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-25 09:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, you got me there. If your sister is underage please feel free to beat the living crap out of her boyfriend if he is a statutory-raping sleazebag.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-25 08:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-25 08:49:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. I'll never understand why guys get so upset when they find out their sisters are having sex. It's creepy when a brother starts acting like his sister's jealous boyfriend.
Guys: If you find out your sister is "doing stuff" with her boyfriend, leave the guy alone! If you beat him up or otherwise get in his face about it, people will think that you want to fuck your sister. And no one wants that.
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Once my sister hits 16, I won't give a shit when, where, or how she takes it. But while she's 14 and dating a 17 year old, I'll take it as my God-given right to beat the boyfriend senseless if I find out he's doing anything.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-25 08:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. I'll never understand why guys get so upset when they find out their sisters are having sex. It's creepy when a brother starts acting like his sister's jealous boyfriend.
Guys: If you find out your sister is "doing stuff" with her boyfriend, leave the guy alone! If you beat him up or otherwise get in his face about it, people will think that you want to fuck your sister. And no one wants that.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-03-25 07:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice work fucktard. Last time I checked typing in upper case has NOTHING TO DO WITH GRAMMAR AND LITERACY YOU STUPID CUNT. YOUR MOM'S SNATCH SMELLS LIKE THE INSIDE OF TERRI SCHIAVO'S FEEDING TUBE.
Submitted by daveybwoy (user info) at 2005-03-25 07:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-03-25 07:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ubmitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-03-25 06:07:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you write almost as shitty as Sideburns. RID? RODE. WAR? WARS. APOSTROPHES TO SIGNIFY POSSESSION, NOT A PLURAL. YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND YOU OTHER FUCKERS SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGING THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKING FUCK LEST WE END UP WITH ANOTHER SIDEBURNS CLONE.
Interesting points professor. However im sure you are aware that while your comments may hold true, its also a fact that excessive use of caps lock denotes extreme illiteracy.
You illiterate fuck.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-03-25 07:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You have the writing style of an epileptic Electro in a nightclub.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-25 07:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-03-25 06:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you write almost as shitty as Sideburns. RID? RODE. WAR? WARS. APOSTROPHES TO SIGNIFY POSSESSION, NOT A PLURAL. YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND YOU OTHER FUCKERS SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGING THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKING FUCK LEST WE END UP WITH ANOTHER SIDEBURNS CLONE.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-25 06:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes its all true!
think its a question of when il strike rather than if!
i mean friends dont last forever, but im pretty confident my sexual urges will!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-25 06:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-03-25 05:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can totally relate to this story. we think alike it seems, lol
"one of those guys who's done whatever you've done, only of course he's done bigger, faster and better, oh.... and its all bullshit" .....and i know one of those too. fucking annoying isnt it?
Submitted by Deathwatchz (user info) at 2005-03-25 05:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like a winner, question is, if you end up in that diary, can you kick ben's ass?
Submitted by Hermann_the_German (user info) at 2005-03-25 05:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most girls I Know would kill anyone with their bare hands who dared to read her diary.
Nice (and probably mostly non-Shenanigans) story
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-25 05:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment