The Problem with Guys (814 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.06 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lutes <absolutes18.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-25 13:42:42 EST
"It's official," the raven-haired girl announced, slamming his front door behind her. "I hate all men! Every last one of them!"
Mark looked up from the television he had sat in front of all night without much surprise to see her. It wasn't unusual for Alison to storm into his apartment without warning. Over the past year she had grown into the habit of doing so whenever she was upset. He was used to it by now, welcome to it even. Alison would come seeking comfort, end up taking all her frustration out on him, and by the end feel much better. It was almost like a ritual between them.
She slumped onto the couch beside her best friend and looked at him expectantly. "That was your cue, stupid."
And apparently tonight would be no exception.
He put down the remote. "Things didn't go well with Steve?"
"Depends on what you consider 'going well.' If a good date consists of him breaking up with me in public, and then leaving me to pay for our food, then by all means it was the best damn date I've ever had!"
Mark knew it would be a bad idea to let her see him smile if he didn't want to pay extra dental bills. He patted her shoulder in sympathy instead, struggling to keep his attention from wandering back towards the football game. "What happened?"
"Well, I brought up the idea of moving into his apartment and he told me he didn't want to see me anymore, just like that! I thought everything was going really great between us but apparently he has wanted to break up with me for weeks. He even said all this crap about how I'm a great person and he didn't want to hurt me. Does that line ever work? Anyway, I punched him and he threatened me and walked out, as if he was the victim!" Alison frowned and viciously pulled off her heels. "I don't know what I even saw in him in the first place."
"If it makes you feel any better," Mark offered, "I never liked him anyway."
"You never like any of my boyfriends."
"That's not true! I liked... what was his name again? Wayne, was it? You know, the one who had that nice car, and--"
"And was, as you called him, a snobby, self-centered loser."
"Uh, well what about that Andrew guy?"
"You thought he was a two-timing jerk."
Mark shrugged, "Oh. Right."
"I guess it doesn't matter anyway. I think I've had it with relationships for awhile." She absentmindedly stretched her legs into his lap, ignoring his irritation. "Men are such assholes."
"Hey, I am a guy, you know."
"Really?" Alison pretended to look surprised. "And I had no idea all these years? Imagine that! In any case, that's not a problem. No one ever thinks of you as a guy anyway."
Mark knew an argument was imminent, but he wasn't about to let her win. "I guess I forgot how compared to you, anyone could be mistaken for a girl."
A familiar, warning glare flashed in her dark eyes. "And just what do you mean by that?"
"Oh nothing," he assessed her boyish frame, accepting her silent challenge. "Only that it's not a secret of how masculine you are."
"I'll let that one slide since you don't know what a woman is. I guess you'd have to be able to get a date first."
"By the sounds of your dates, I think I'd rather be single."
"Don't talk about things you don't understand."
"What's there to understand? You go out with scum and let them use you before they dump you."
"Throw my love life in my face again," she warned, "and I'll hurt you. Besides, at least I can find someone who's interested in me!"
"Yeah and we all know how great they were! I especially liked that one who cheated on you with his stepsister, he was a real keeper."
"Shut up! My relationships are better than your pathetic commitment to jerking off twenty times a day."
"Do you talk like that with all your boyfriends? I'm surprised they don't leave you sooner, they must all be out of their right minds to like you in the first place."
The fierceness in her expression dimmed. "Well... thank you for proving my point about all men being assholes, Mark. I should have known you'd never disappoint me in that area!" She stood up in an indignant huff and walked towards the door she had just exploded through no more than ten minutes ago.
"Alison?"
She turned, half hoping he would apologize and tell her to stay. "What?"
"You aren't wearing any shoes."
Fuming, she stalked over to the couch and snatched her heels from the ground with as much dignity as she could manage.
"Alison?"
"What now?" She snapped, whirling around.
"He didn't deserve you. None of them did."
Alison stopped in her tracks. Whatever she had been expecting him to say, it hadn't been that. How was she supposed to stay mad at him now? In spite of herself, most of her anger dissolved. He always seemed to redeem himself just as she was vowing to never talk to him again. She smiled, "Thank you."
He stood up. "You're welcome, but you really should be more careful when you kick my door open. Know how many times I've had to replace that?"
"I don't kick it open," she protested, sulking. "I just don't use the knob."
"When you put it that way, it sounds so much better."
A tentative silence fell.
"Hey, since your dinner plans kind of fell out, do you want to go grab something to eat?"
Alison considered for a moment. She wasn't ready to forget his words that easily, but her stomach had other ideas. "Okay, but on one condition: You have to pay before you break my heart."
"You're such a high-maintenance girl."
She grinned, already in better spirits. "You know it. Now hurry up, and let's get going!"
Ash offered his arm. "Forgive me for being a guy?"
Alison accepted it, linking hers through. She had already forgiven him by now, but would be damned if she let him know it. "Only if you buy me dessert too."
He cringed at the thought of his nearly empty wallet, knowing she would unmercifully enjoy using the rest of his money. "You women are always so conniving."
"How else would we get what we want? Besides, what better way to release our anger than to get revenge on the person who caused it? And hey, even if you didn't do anything, you guys are still convenient targets for us to rage at and blame for any other problems we're having!"
"Glad to be of service."
"Just be happy you're useful for something."
"And you call us sexist!" He shook his head and made a face, leading her towards the door. "You know Ali, if I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you."
"That's strange, I thought you said anyone would have to be out of their right mind to like me."
The kiss he impulsively planted on her forehead was a tad sloppy, but touching nonetheless. She stared at him in delighted surprise.
"What can I say? I always have been a little crazy."
User Reviews
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-31 16:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well somebody's in love with their best friend. surprise surprise.
im me - timdwpi
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-25 18:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got 99 problems but a man aint one!
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:43:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. But if your going to try to replace all of a certain word, try using the replace word function.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:28:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
What's with the sudden name change from Mark to Ash? And you know MarkAsh slipped her a roofie at dinner.
Was an older story and I changed his name. I tried to find them all, but I missed that one.
A roofie threesome, perhaps?
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What's with the sudden name change from Mark to Ash? And you know MarkAsh slipped her a roofie at dinner.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EscapeArtist (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:13:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lets make this a little more realistic, shall we??
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Hahaha
I have to say, that was perfect.
Submitted by EscapeArtist (user info) at 2005-03-25 15:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lets make this a little more realistic, shall we??
-------------------------------------------------
After an overpriced salad and several Long Island Iced Teas Mark took Allison back to the apartment and decided to make a move. Soon they were in the throughs of heavy passionate kissing and heavy petting. As she slowly began to undress herself and beckoned for Mark to do the same, the cultivation of what he had dreamed about for months was finally becoming a reality. Months of playing the nice guy was finally paying off.
After they were done Mark lit up a cigarette as Allison rolled over and looked at him endearingly.
"I knew there was a reason I cared for you, you are the one I want, I think I always have."
Mark just started laughing.
"What is that for?"
Mark just looked at her with a devlish grin. " How on earth could you think I would want you? You have been toying with me for months, sharing with me in excruciating detail, your escapades with these assholes, while I treat you like gold and you ignore me. At least I got to hit it, FINALLY."
Shocked, Allison sat up and screeched, "What? I thought you said that you loved me?"
Mark started laughing hysterically," You have to be one of the most narotic, high maintainence basket case women I have ever met, The one common factor in every one of these relationships you have shared with me, is that you are nuts. No wonder you get shit on"
Dumbfounded, Allison stormed out, half dressed and slammed the door as she left.
Mark changed the locks the next day. Who says Nice guys always finish last. He was glad that finally paid off, he noticed a new girl moving in to the building earlier that day...
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for Kitties!
-2 for gay loser "Mark", IF you're paying for her dinner and listening to her whine AND you are not getting sex THEN you are a fag.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:52:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:46:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
You left out the part where they fuck and then he never calls again
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HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. +2 just for that comment
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the cat who looks like we interrupted his spooning.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you also left out the fact that he's gay.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:46:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
You left out the part where they fuck and then he never calls again
__
Yeah, that's what I was hoping for...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-25 14:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for cute story
+1 for kitties
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
needs more butt sex
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for adam's comment
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that supposed to be cute? A girl who physically abuses anyone who disagrees with her? Because I think I've found where I was going wrong... what with that whole "respect" value and all...
Well written, though.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:46:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
You left out the part where they fuck and then he never calls again
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HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. +2 just for that comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-25 13:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You left out the part where they fuck and then he never calls again