is it satire or just random ramblings of a crazed prison bitch (622 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.67 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AndraSidan (View user info) at 2005-03-26 17:37:13 EST
So I was sitting at a stop sign the other day and I was like "dude, 4-way stop signs are so lame." That got me thinking, why not do a 3-way stop sign? I mean, if you're coming to a stop sign, who thinks "I really should add something spicy to my sex life." No one, I tell you! This is because 4-way's just never happen! However, 3-ways happen to me all the time, and I think that stop signs should be there to remind me of the glorious times I had contracting herpes from only God knows who.
If there weren't a stop sign there EVERYONE would want to drive that road. Saving gas, less wear on the breaks-what's not to love? It could totally be turned into a profitable commercial endeavor. The revenue for the city would be staggering! Think of the traffic this "frentersection" (free-intersection) would get; slap a tollbooth there and watch the quarters roll in.
Then they could be melted down and sold as bullets to supply gang wars in other parts of the city. Gang wars equal dead bodies, and dead bodies equal a lot of trash collectors quitting. The resulting union strike would clog up that part of the city as the well-supplied gangs congest the streets with the ex-trash collectors (because everyone knows that an exhilarating union strike attracts well-supplied gang members who just want to be treated fairly). The large-scale congestion in that part of the city would most certainly initiate more traffic through the frentersection.
The property surrounding the frentersection would become prime real estate. Think of the money that could be made charging youth groups huge amounts of money to stage car washes there. McDonalds would pay out their considerable backside (inflated no doubt by massive amounts of partially hydrogenated oils) just to build one of their "restaurants" right on the corner.
Drug dealers and prostitutes could be freed from the bondage of their chosen professions. Crime would drop dramatically as these denizens of depravity become citizens of civility. They simply set up shop on the frentersection, make enough money to get a college education, and become respectable citizens.
The national debt will bring this country to its knees (if it doesn't hit its beer-belly first) in a few short years if not taken care of, and the only solution I see is the frentersection. The ludicrous amounts of cash that will be produced by the frentersection would, by my calculations, catch up to the national debt by the year 20,010.
Moreover, if every major city in America installed frentersections the impending social security deficit disaster would no more be a concern. Since everyone would be united by their love of the frentersection, masses of people would gladly donate their funds to social security.
Who doesn't want to keep their senile grandma on the roads, so she can drive to the eye doctor since she isn't seeing so well these days ("past the damn hood ornament" to be exact). The massive revenue generated by the frentersection would more than cover the looming cataclysm that is social security.
This brilliant idea would change the face of America today. Solving our collective difficulties with sex, money, taxes, debt, and crime-what more can one idea accomplish. Mr. Kerry, if you had put the frentersection on your platform you would have crushed Bush with ease. The Democratic Party would reign supreme, and we would not have a slobbering conservative warmonger obviously bent on qualifying for the lucrative position of "antichrist."
Instead, we would be blessed with a president progressive enough to implement such a radical idea as the frentersection. (As it is, I suggest giving up your abject political career and becoming a gigolo; with that face of yours, you'd make millions on a frentersection.)
In conclusion, I believe the frentersection to be the single most world changing idea since Thomas Edison invented sliced bread. The masses must unite in a grassroots campaign to position the frentersection in mainstream intellectual thought. WE are the ones with the power! WE are the ones who can save America! It MUST prevail, and the revolution starts with Xanga!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-07-01 01:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The very first paragraph was teh ghey.
The rest decent.
but the first paragraph killed it.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-01 01:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-26 22:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
BEST POST EVAR!!
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-03-26 20:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Theres about 20 3way stops where I live you retard.
Submitted by negativesid (user info) at 2005-03-26 18:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If its a three way stop, that means one road is single lane and heads in one direction.
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-26 17:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
there ARE 3 way stops, you idiot. There's one about 4 blocks away from where I live.