I feel myself slipping away (1592 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nicole <nakita963.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-28 12:17:20 EST
It always happens like this and I have come to expect it, though never look forward to it. I've tried fighting it, but it never helps. Often I don't even notice that is has happened until it is too late. What has me so uncomfortable is that it is happening in so many parts of my life right now. I feel like I am sinking but I've never learned how to swim and don't know that I even want to. Isn't this how it is supposed to be?
It never fails that once I have moved and am not in direct contact with friends on a regular basis, I miss them for a while, but then go on with my life. Though we may have been the closest of friends, I don't maintain contact. Even if they try to keep things going, I'm the one who drops the ball. I haven't talked to anyone from high school since about 6 months after graduation. The only reason I have any contact with anyone from college is because I recently moved to a town where I live and work less than 5 miles from one of my friends from that time period.
I left some amazing friends back on the east coast, friends that forever changed the way I look at life, some of the closest friends I think I have ever had. I can feel myself slipping away from them. They aren't the ones moving. It is me.
One to three years ago Übersite was an integral part of my daily life. I couldn't imagine a work day going by without spending at least a couple hours discussing, arguing and laughing here. My life has changed a lot since then. My job is a lot more time-consuming, I broke up with the main reason I felt the need to escape online and I met a lot of you in person. Most of the people I knew have changed and there are way too many new people for me to keep up. There is just too much of everything so I've slipped away from Übersite as well.
I recently went on a white water rafting trip. It seems like every time I go hiking, camping, or just spend time farting around some random city I start to question what I am doing with my life. Would I be happier with less work, less money and more freedom and time to do what I really want? I have the urge to quit my job and spend the rest of my life backpacking around the world, working when I need the money to survive. I don't really want all this crap that we base our lives on - the cars, homes, clothes, jewelry. As Rusted Root so aptly put it "Leap from the wounds of your fear... All I want is food and creative love."
At least this is how I feel when I am out of the rat race and for a few days thereafter. Then all those feelings and ideas start to fade out into the static that is my daily life. Plans for what to serve for a dinner party and getting car insurance quotes cut the ribbon that tethers the floating "What I Really Want to do with my Life" balloon to my pinky toe. That constant tugging makes me feel alive, but uncomfortable. Now it is slipping into the stratosphere, not to come down for at least a few weeks.
Ordinarily, none of this would bother me. It is the fact that I am feeling all of it at the same time that has me out of sorts. If I want it to go away all I have to do is close my eyes and go one with my daily life. It will all pass. Soon I will have a new batch of friends and will feel completely out of touch with the old. I'll get involved in work and all that other crap and forget about junking it all. I'll even stop checking in on Über the measly one to two times a week that I currently do. I'll delete the half dozen or so half written posts and rarely look back. I say rarely because I know from experience that I won't ever be able to completely forget about it. I still regret losing contact with everyone that I have and will continue to regret it. It just isn't in me to do any differently.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 08:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a very pretty girl.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-10-15 09:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you too.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-09 19:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-03-28 18:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it makes you happy, let yourself slip. It feels good to remove yourself once in awhile. Your friends will remember who you were and accept whom you've become, upon your return. Just remember to say goodbye to the people that matter.
Good luck. I wish you the best in all that you do.
Terry
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 15:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Boca is in the US (sort of - some people don't consider South Florida the US, but we won't need passports).
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-03-28 15:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I felt the same thing about 3 weeks ago, and instead of snapping back to reality, I decided to run with it. It feels nice so far, but I'm guessing I'll regret it once all my savings run dry.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:47:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
munkey -
i'm almost positive, that boca is boca raton, fl.
but i'm too stubborn to look it up.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:04:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkey, we can go somewhere warmer. How about Boca? I have a friend there who owes me a favor
------------------------------------
hmmm.. how about *in* the US? Like... Arizona... or Louisiana.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Same thing sort of happened to me.
All of my friends in college lived away, so once school was over, they all went back home. I have very few friends where I live and I miss my old ones desperately. Every now and then there's a phone call or a quick email, but other than that, there isn't much.
It sucks and I know how hard it is to keep it touch. But, if you try hard enough and make a commitment to working at it, it isn't that bad.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:04:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Munkey, we can go somewhere warmer. How about Boca? I have a friend there who owes me a favor.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I recommend more Journey with large quanities of alcohol.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:42:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel exactly the same way.
Let's all move to a hippie commune in Oregon and braid marijuana leaves into each other's hair. I've suggested this to Uber before, but not a whole lot of people were interested, strangely enough.
------------------------------
how about somewhere warmer?
if so, then count me in!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i need a hug after reading that.
i've been moving a bit this past year, and its sucked. leaving a ton of awesome friends, just starting to make new ones; leaving again.
more than once in the past month i have thought about liquidating my assets and buying a 20x20' lot in maine and living from a tent.
I'd be happy as a pseudo-hermit, as long as i had someone as a companion. I'm not terribly happy or unhappy now, i just know that this isn't the way life is supposed to be. worry sucks, but we do it anyway.
"i ain't got no worries, cuz i ain't in no hurry at all."
that song reminds me of vegas and some vegas people.
in the meantime, i say fuck it, lets take it as it comes. i go broke? who cares, good credit is for jerks. i get fired? awesome, i'll be in maine, call me when you want to give me a raise. no friends? no girlfriend? fuck 'em, i'll make more.
i'm just starting to make friends out here, and (surprisingly) i met a jersey girl. she's no nicole, but she's close. :-p
im me
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel exactly the same way.
Let's all move to a hippie commune in Oregon and braid marijuana leaves into each other's hair. I've suggested this to Uber before, but not a whole lot of people were interested, strangely enough.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause I'm feeling a lot of the same things lately.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree that relationships whether romantic or friendly suffer due to distance. It's hard to hold them together. Hard, but not impossible. I'm not making a judgement call here, you understand... I just think that if you really wanted to hold your relationships together, you could do it without much fuss. Whether or not it's important is up to you and there's no wrong answer.
On another note, maybe you should think about pursuing that which you love, rather than that which provides financial success. Too many people look back on their lives, like Sinclair Lewis's Babbit: "I've never done the one thing I've wanted to do in all my life."
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Word.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First...
--I am happy now. I just have these urges to throw it all away and become that chick playing her guitar in the park who obviously hasn't bathed in a week. --
I would hunt you down and kick you in the shins for this. grrrrrrrrrr... Too many wonderful beautiful people have been ruined by the lack-of-bathing thing I call "Dirty Hippie-ism"
Or something.
Second...
I can't say anything against the feelings, because I'm the same way.
The only people from High School I still talk to even once a month are those who were frinds of bith me and my sister, and I only talk to them because I drop by my sister's place to see my neice about once a week. As for "my" friends, I haven't talked to them since I dropped out.
I also "feel the pain" about feeling that way. I'm a person who wants to settle down, have the same life for 20 years, and know that I'll be comfortable with it. Bad part is, I enjoy moving around, being semi-nomadic, and I can't see myself 2 years from now, let alone 20.
Anyway, um, long way to a short bit, and here it is.
It comes from Garden State...
"Good luck exploring the infinate abyss."
And stuff. *wink*
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WQP - I moved further than 3-5 hours from my friends at that time. I have new friends at the new new location.
AJ - aahahaha, actually I am heading up to Vegas for the 3rd time in 3 weeks for a bachelorette party weekend on Friday.
Loki - I try to do that as well, but I really need to find a travel partner. I don't like eating in public by myself and it is just more fun that way.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know the feeling. I fight it by getting more busy. I think that's pretty much how most people do it.
Maybe you need a boyfriend. Can I apply for the position?
I know I'm annoying, but you're gorgeous so it's not my fault.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sigh.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Growing apart happens. It is a fact of life. People move on in their lives and
have memories of the fun times, but life changes and so do people.
(HUGS)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:38:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:35:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in my forties...have worked the corporate world for more than twenty years. I've had those same feelings that you experience quite often over the past two decades.
What I do is quit work every 7 years or so to recharge...hang out...travel...visit friends...take classes...or do nothing, if I so choose.
I did it for 6 months in 1989...about 2 years in 1997-1999 and just completed a nine month recharge in the last year.
It helps if you make a lot of money when you ARE working so you can afford to do nothing for a while and I have.
Work isn't everything, although too many people seem to think it is.
I say, "Life's Too Short" and I'm not on this planet to work. I'm here to have fun.
Work often times gets in the way of that.
*******Where is schlongy and what have you done to him.
Sometimes, Shlongy likes to be nice and share his personal life experience in the hope that someone actually listens to his expert opinion.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jared, if it were only about the time, this would not be an issue. I just think that is impossible to maintain close relationships over large distances when you don't see each other frequently. Yes, you may be able to pick up where you left of when you finally do get together, but there is a large chunk of the relationship that you are missing. I really do hate talking on the phone and there is so much that you miss via email.
Almost everything I do makes me happy. Getting together with friends, hiking, going to the park, even changing my brakes (as I did yesterday). I just don't feel that my current work does it for me. Maybe it isn't challenging enough - that could be a major cause. I would rather be out doing something else than working, but so would just about everyone.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
WQP - in the most recent move I was absolutely miserable where I was. All of my friends lived 3-5 hours away. The move presented itself so I took it. Now I am no longer within driving distance but it was the best thing for me in the long run.
----
So this means you are even farther than the 3-5 hour distance you were before?
Regardless of that, you still need to make choices based on what you deem to be most important to you. If it is the best thing for you in the long run, then so be it... throw that regret out the window.
My best advice is that you stay on top of being aware of what is important to you. People do it a million different ways... keeping a diary, doing art, meditation, etc. The only really common thread is a bit of solitude. Be alone with yourself every now and then to become conscious of what you are finding to be important to you... this is key because those things change all the time.
Good luck in your new locale, chiquita.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get like this sometimes when I do something really amazing that makes me forget about the real world for a couple of days. It throws me into a funk when I go away and have a life changing experience and then when I get back, everyone is still doing the same old shit and I just don't want to get sucked back into the mire.
The way I deal with it is to make sure that I always have something else on the event horizon to look forward to. I think I probably spend an inordinate amount of money on travel, but it's my priority. I have friends who don't understand it, but hey if their priority is to have a big house, drive a new car every two years, and go out to eat every night then that's the life they chose. I just happen to think that when I'm old and on my way out, I can look back and think of all the things I did and saw as opposed to all the stuff I bought and drove.
in short - fuck it, you have to be you
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:35:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in my forties...have worked the corporate world for more than twenty years. I've had those same feelings that you experience quite often over the past two decades.
What I do is quit work every 7 years or so to recharge...hang out...travel...visit friends...take classes...or do nothing, if I so choose.
I did it for 6 months in 1989...about 2 years in 1997-1999 and just completed a nine month recharge in the last year.
It helps if you make a lot of money when you ARE working so you can afford to do nothing for a while and I have.
Work isn't everything, although too many people seem to think it is.
I say, "Life's Too Short" and I'm not on this planet to work. I'm here to have fun.
Work often times gets in the way of that.
*******Where is schlongy and what have you done to him.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WQP - in the most recent move I was absolutely miserable where I was. All of my friends lived 3-5 hours away. The move presented itself so I took it. Now I am no longer within driving distance but it was the best thing for me in the long run.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:35:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My life is about the watching of and making of movies. It was a movie that taught me one of the fundamental tenets by which I live, mainly, "If something is that important to you, you make the time."
You have to do what makes you happy. Following your bliss isn't a Hallmark sentiment or a new age, flower-power motto---it's the words by which everyone should live. If going on rafting trips makes you happy, then you should do that. If organizing dinner parties make you feel fulfilled, then there's nothing wrong with that either. Losing touch with people happens, oftentimes whether we want it to or not.
The connections to those whom it really matters---your family, for example, are the ones that won't fade, but what of the friends you've made who you seem to be allowing to slip away? I'm sure that if they're that important to you, you'll find a way to stay in touch. If not, then you simply won't, and you'll go on your way. I believe that once we meet someone, there are aspects of them that we take away... sometimes good, sometimes bad. This is how we change.
Priorities are mutable, we evolve, and circumstances fluctuate. You are responsible for your own actions, and, having known you personally for a while, I can say with confidence that I know you'll do the right thing. Do what's best for you, and focus on your own bliss. The east coast thinks you rock all over the place, and we always will.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in my forties...have worked the corporate world for more than twenty years. I've had those same feelings that you experience quite often over the past two decades.
What I do is quit work every 7 years or so to recharge...hang out...travel...visit friends...take classes...or do nothing, if I so choose.
I did it for 6 months in 1989...about 2 years in 1997-1999 and just completed a nine month recharge in the last year.
It helps if you make a lot of money when you ARE working so you can afford to do nothing for a while and I have.
Work isn't everything, although too many people seem to think it is.
I say, "Life's Too Short" and I'm not on this planet to work. I'm here to have fun.
Work often times gets in the way of that.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:33:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like you need a vacation...or copious amounts of alcohol.
***
Kill two birds in one stone and take a third trip to Vegas for the month.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone has doubt
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like you need a vacation...or copious amounts of alcohol.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
people are a virus in shoes, and there is no such thing as finding the "right path"
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<Insert something profound and deep here that makes you realize you want to live like a hermit.>
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I often feel the same way.
Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to hang out with my old friends (really damn good friends, by the way) because of all the time I need to spend in order to be successful in school?
I suspect that, despite my current feelings of separation (much like yourself), that this will get worse and worse as I get more and more into my career. Uber will be one of those sacrificed, I can guarantee it.
I guess it comes down to the choices we make. I mean, we are consciously deciding to do the things that force us to move on. But, is it ourselves, or it is our influences that are causing us to choose this way? The only reason I pose the question because the nagging sting of regret frequently visits me when I think about the subject... kind of like how it is right now, after I've read this post.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am happy now. I just have these urges to throw it all away and become that chick playing her guitar in the park who obviously hasn't bathed in a week.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, good luck with that whole thing.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eskimoish.
Sort of in the same situation, here. Probably going to be changing my major again because I don't want to get stuck doing something I'm going to hate for the rest of my life. I know that once I'm done with school, there's not going to be any looking back for me. I've got sort of a lone-wolf syndrome, where I only hang out with people that contact me first. I'm perfectly content to go a week or two without even talking to anyone outside school or work.
Whatever you finally end up doing, put your own happiness first. That's the best advice I can give. A nice job, fancy car, and great house mean shit if you aren't happy.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tend to live in the here and now. I have lost touch with so many friends.
I just don't put in the effort. Well, it's more like, I have work and stress
and family to occupy my time. Besides that there is room for little else.
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can we get a goodbye nude picture of you?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-28 12:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As Rusted Root so aptly put it "Leap from the wounds of your fear... All I want is food and creative love."
+2 for Rusted Root