I wish you out of the woods, and into the picture... with me... (1004 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.91 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lojope <lojope.at.juno.com> (View user info) at 2005-03-28 13:09:27 EST
Life has a tendancy to get me down. A lot. It's very easy for me to feel hurt so deeply that it overcomes everything else. The fact is, that I don't feel anything halfway. Every emotion is extreme and poignant, and cuts to my very core. It's just the way I'm wired. If I'm going to feel something, I'm REALLY going to feel it.
When I love someone, I REALLY love them. They consume me. I'd do anything for them, and usually do. And I'm not just talking about romance. My mother and I have a constant fight about how I let my friends use me and walk all over me. The thing is, I never see it that way. If I have something you need, it's yours. If I can do something to make things better or easier for you, you've got it, no questions asked. If you are someone I consider my close friend, I love you, so of course I'll do it.
There are several people who fall into that inner circle of close friends. New friends, old friends, boyfriends, exboyfriends. The people I love. These are the people I keep in contact with, even when our lives take us on different paths. These are the people for whom a 2 hour drive in the middle of the night after not sleeping for three days because they need me is worth it. These are the people who felt like home the day I met them. These are the people that it seems nothing is strong enough to break our bond.
And usually, nothing is.
But there are some empty chairs in the circle. People I loved deeply and unconditionally, who are no longer part of my life. People who I still love now, but cannot be with anymore.
There has been some injury, some situation, some event, that has created an uncrossable rift between us forever.
The weird thing is, there doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to the people who leave, and the people who stay. You cannot love someone with out hurting them. You cannot love someone without being hurt by them. People are flawed. People make mistakes. Every person in my inner circle of friends has caused unspeakable pain to every other person in the circle. Done something that it seems like no relationship could recover from.
But somehow, some of them do.
And for some reason, some of them don't.
I don't know why Mike and I are still close, but Eric and I are not. They are both my exboyfriends. I loved them both. I hurt them both. They both hurt me. But one stayed, and one is gone. And I can't find the line that was crossed to make the difference.
I'm trying to find it. If I find it, I will know how to fix it. I'll know how to prevent the loss of those who are still in the circle. I'll know how to hang on to the people I don't know yet who will someday join the group. I'll know how to make all offenses forgivable, how to make every event forgettable.
How to make love truly strong enough to overcome ALL odds.
If I can, maybe everything will be alright.
Or maybe there is no magic formula for hanging on to loved ones. Maybe there's nothing I could have done differently with Eric that would have made him stay. Maybe there is no way I can lay the foundations for new relationships in such a way that they will never crumble.
Maybe some things just happen. Maybe some things are just meant to be. Maybe some things just don't work.
Maybe some people just have to leave.
Maybe you can't do anything about anything.
Maybe it's all just fate.
User Reviews
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:42:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh God how I would beat you if you were my wife.
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Someone end this reign of great reviews.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh God how I would beat you if you were my wife.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:32:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:05:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
This was deep.
Unfortunately, for you, I'm shallow.
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Ha! Now THAT is a good review.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
live in the now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was deep.
Unfortunately, for you, I'm shallow.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
live in the now.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had the answer for you because I've been on the same quest to figure this out as you have. I have a similar situation with emotions as you do, and the way I see it is as much as its a burden, its also a blessing in that it makes people like us that much more able to help other and also keeps us at the pulse of the world by having such sharp emotional intuition.
If you ever figure out how to hold on to those who slip away...let me know.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-28 15:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lojope
posts are all about
me me me
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it is the way of things
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think life works that way, keeping people around just becuase you want them to be.
I don't know, it is a strange thing. My last ex and I are still close, but we were together for years, and I will keep in touch with her for years to come. But who knows?
Anyway, feeling things too much is likely better than not feeling them at all.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who knows why some hang while others go. The only thing you can ever know is that this is part of getting older. Some friends stay and others leave there is no way to stop it.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can appreciate your tendency to develop consuming relationships.
I've often been told my most important friendship is "unhealthy".
I don't have the magic formula...
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever think that maybe it's not just you?
Maybe it's the way he's accustomed to reacting to people.
I'm only on a speaking relationship with one of my exes, and I kind of have to because every now and then she feels the need to be a part of her son's life (go figure). If not for him, I would never have talked to her again.
You can't take all of this on as a flaw/trait of yours.
At some point other people's reactions and emotions come into play.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
at least you don't have blue balls. that really sucks.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You and I both.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to leave an insightful comment or something, but now I've just got that Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians song stuck in my head.
I think the 3 main things are talking, listening and time to keep people in the circle.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, some happy posts going up today.
Submitted by Takabrash (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My loving God, that was boring.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was deep
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:18:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is that? Whose alter is carolrichards?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by carolrichards (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:16:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
ROFL
========
Alterslip
Submitted by carolrichards (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ROFL
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting. I don't have those problems because I learned at an early age to make myself a spectator rather than getting involved emotionally. The one thing that I did realize is that you have to accept people for who they are, and that you cannot control them.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 13:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment