Sweet Old lady love. (504 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.5 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ben nelson <benjamindover.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2005-03-28 14:08:13 EST
Some of you know I work for a company that builds mobile robotic satellite systems for internet and TV. The majority of our clientele (and the only people that can afford the systems) are older people with motor homes, and the government. The following is an account of a business trip I took to a FMCA (Family Motor Coach Assn) rally, also known as the 9th circle of hell.
I have never seen so many old mother fuckers in my life; I think I may have been the only one under 60 in a 100 mile radius. The rally was taking place at a fair park with various companies selling crap, kind of like a local county fair. The booth right across from our company booth was selling massage pillows, with your various grey haired rich bastards sitting down at them occasionally, resting their osteoporosis laden bones. I watched a purple haired 75year old woman stumble away from her walker and into one of the chairs, her head immediately flopped back and her eyes rolled up in her head. I walked over to her to see if she was ok... she wasn't. Sweat was pouring down her face and she was barely breathing. I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed, they hadn't, so I immediately rifled through her purse, stealing her painkillers and cash. Then, being the hero I am, I called 911. By this time people had surrounded us like a sizzler salad bar at 5pm on a Monday. They muttered miscellaneous comments like "I remember my first heart attack" and "the first stroke is always the worst". So again, being the noble Eagle Scout I am, I lifted her from the massage chair and laid her on the ground. I checked her breathing and felt as the vein in her wrinkled liver spotted neck stopped pulsating. I pronounced her dead at 3:15pm, the old bastards around me didn't like that too much and started saying "aren't you going to do something?" and "help her!" I replied, "The old bitch is dead, let her go!" But after a barrage of canes and walkers to the face, I decided to do something. After all, maybe if I save her she will put me in her will. I tilted her head back, and began CPR. The next few moments would change my life forever, as I moved in to begin resuscitation, the smell of bengay wafted into my nose I was strangely aroused. I brushed the purple hair from her face; pieces of hair matted down to her sweat drenched wrinkled face. My lips met her lips I was lost in the moment, her soft lips seemed to quiver in delight as I breathed life into her. I did chest compressions and swear I felt her nipples get hard under my palm. I continued CPR for what seemed like hours, an eternity of erotic kisses, her hot pink lipstick smearing my face. On the next breathing cycle, I slyly slid my tongue into her mouth feeling the smoothness and tasting the minty freshness of her denture cream. Oh god how has this secret avoided me for so long? There is a huge population of women that has yet to be exploited.... the +70 crowd.
I continued the breathing and chest compressions at a fevered pace, growing more and more excited. I didn't care if she was unconscious I wanted a piece of old lady ass. I could only imagine the mysteries that lie under the $9.95 purple sweat suit. When the EMTs arrived with a defibrillator, I begged them to let me continue CPR, they wouldn't. I never got her name but, I heard she survived. I vowed from that day forward to fuck an old lady. I only hope that when I do get some old lady stink on my Johnson, it will be as fulfilling as giving CPR to the purple haired vixen.
+Ben-
User Reviews
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-06 12:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rrrrrright.
sick, in a funny way but, funny, in a sick way.
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2005-04-06 11:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA please say this is fiction! Woohoo old ladies!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-28 14:12:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's just fucked up.