Think she'll go for it? (1132 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EbolaMay (View user info) at 2005-03-28 16:13:11 EST
A friend of mine gave me an "excuse-ball" as a joke birthday present. You know, like the "Magic 8-ball" toy. You ask it a question, give it a shake, turn it upside down and the little triangle in the fluid has an answer for you.
My ex-wife just called me. I haven't spoken to her in person in years. We've e-mailed a few times but that's it. We tried, for a while, to remain friends, but then she got re-married and turned into the definative "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" bitch from the depths of Satan's ass, so I let her go.
Now, however, her new hubby is apparantly out of town along with her father and brother. The sewer (at *MY* old house, thank-ya-vury-much) has, it seems, exploded, and she's got human turd slush all over the backyard. Niiiiccee.
As she was explaining all this to me, I just kept wondering what the fuck she was explaining all this to me for. She said someone was at the door, that she would call me right back, and hung up.
Now I sit here at my desk with the elephone giving me the evil-eye. I dread the next ring, because I know it will be her, and she'll want me to come over and take care of the problem for her.
So all of a sudden I'm good enough for her again. Now that she's alone, and the shit has hit the fan....or the backyard, I guess.....I'm supposed to drop everything and charge to the rescue?
I don't want to. I don't want to be an asshole, because lord knows I was enough of one when she was my wife, but I really don't want to see her, my house, my dog, my furniture and all that again, because, fuckhellshitpissdamn that would rip me up.
Excuse ball says I can't go because of "Ophrah."
Think she'll go for it?
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-03-29 14:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let her float in her own feces
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-29 12:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I think she was just in a panic and didn't know what else to do. I don't hold it against her.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Use your God given balls and fuck her.
Literally, figuratively or physically - it's your choice.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am having a really hard time reconciling myself to the fact that ANY woman would have the audacity to even consider behaving in this manner.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:12:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Use that excuse.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh. "Please come over and clean the shit from my yard." I'm ashamed of my sex.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
just go to her/your house, pop a squat in the backyard, and add a cleveland steamer to the mix.
FUCKING AWESOME.
Seriously bro dont do it. Tell her cheap ass to call a fuckin plumber and pound sand- what a great phrase! My dad used to always say that shit and Id laugh my ass off at him.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good for you
Maybe you feel bad about it because you're a nice guy, but seriously you can't let her keep you on a string like this. Think of it this way, you're doing her a favor by helping her learn to be self sufficient.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 20:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who Shlongy? My ex? Or Manic?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 20:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like MANICMOTHERS' choice of words.
I'd think I'd like to fuck her sideways and upside down.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-03-28 19:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, let her eat shit.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-03-28 19:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just remember one thing: E-X-wife.
Submitted by Dash (user info) at 2005-03-28 18:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She'll have more respect for you if you say no, because she obviously doesn't have any for you if she thinks she can call you and have you clean up shit. I mean, wtf? Ask her to clean your pipes and it's a deal.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-28 17:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tell her, and quote Shlongy, very politely to "go fuck herself".
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-28 17:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You feel bad because you're a nice guy.
You shouldn't, though.
Submitted by okokididitbutiwasdrunk (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
shit, by the title I was sure this was going to be about anal sex. damn!
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't give her my number. She called a mutual friend for it.
I just told her "no."
For some reason, I feel bad about it. But it's over now.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When she answers the phone, have your big snakey dick waiting just inside the earpiece cuz you crawled it through the phone wires. Then BAPFH! cock to the dome.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would never give my ex-wife my phone number. But since you did...tell her you're very sorry but it's not your problem.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She's your EX-wife...which means you don't have to do shit for her, just your kids if you have any. Don't be a wussy (wimp + pussy). But it sounds like you won't be, so bravo.
I'd tell her straight up, "I'm your ex-husband and that's not my role anymore. Get a repair man."
Que porn music: bow-chicka-wow-wow...
But seriously, I'm slowly learning that brutal directness is much better than trying to fluff over it. You may catch some rage initially, but it's better than mind-fucking each other a little more, or worse yet, you getting straight USED by another man's woman. Let him handle her, she's not your responsibility anymore.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. Wonder why it wasn't so clear to me? I guess that's why I asked for a third-party perspective. Thanks yall.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't need the excuse ball. She can't possibly expect you to come over and clean up ANOTHER MAN'S SHIT.
the unmitigated gall
fuck no you're not going over there
if you go over there and deal with this I shall be pissed off
tell her sorry shit spewing ass to call a damn plumber
that is all
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't, Ebola. Just don't. It's simple and oddly freeing.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How about growing a pair and telling her to pound sand up her ass...
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:29:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:27:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're not still married to the bitch what the hell do you need an excuse for? Are you a man or a tampax?
-----------------------------------------
Little thing called "guilt."
--------------------------------------------
guilt was invented by 18th century catholics to get 10% out of you.
you'll feel better about yourself in the morning if you don't do it. she wouldn't come over and cook you breakfast, would she?
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:27:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're not still married to the bitch what the hell do you need an excuse for? Are you a man or a tampax?
-----------------------------------------
Little thing called "guilt."
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're not still married to the bitch what the hell do you need an excuse for? Are you a man or a tampax?
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck that shit.
Don't even answer it.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
screw that... charge her 80 bucks an hour for some emergency plumbing service. oh, and hide and entire raw chicken somewhere good.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:16:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her to call a fucking plumber. It ain't your responsibility anymore.
Submitted by corporate_drone0723 (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah man fuck her. I notice all of her other "men" are conveniently away, so guess who gets the call?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why bother with an excuse? Doesn't sound to me like you owe her shit.
Besides, man...she took your dog. That ain't right.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Use the Oprah excuse, sure, but whatever you do, don't bend to her will.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hell yeah
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her you'll trade for your dog
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her to call a fucking plumber. It ain't your responsibility anymore.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just go to her/your house, pop a squat in the backyard, and add a cleveland steamer to the mix.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-28 16:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She took your house, fuck her.