Apparently I'm Going to Die. Or at Least my Hand is Going to Fall Off. Or Whatever. (1338 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.46 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2005-03-30 00:59:53 EST
My sister bought a digital camera on Easter which means I've taken about 348569645 pictures of myself in the past few days.
The only problem is that EVERY picture comes out looking all fucked up.
Being a rocket/pencil scientist, I have come to 2 conclusions:
1. My camera-holding hand spasms last minute at an out of control warp-like speed without me knowing it, causing there to be a trail effect in the pictures.
2. I'm going to die in seven days.
I'm thinking the camera is haunted by the spirit of a possessed demon child with crazy hair that lives in a well in some obscure town and she's going to come out of the lens and eat my face and make my imaginary ponies jump off of cliffs and such.
There's only one solution.
More vodka.
User Reviews
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-04-24 10:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Set that shit down on timer mode.
*sigh* At least you're pretty.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-01 19:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where are the pictures of the strap-ons?
Submitted by sword (user info) at 2005-03-30 20:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
needless to say this wasn't really that funny or interesting or anything at all in fact
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-30 19:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
6 days and counting...
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-30 16:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Vodka...always a good solution!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-30 14:11:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pfffft
good going.
Now go dream of me again.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-03-30 11:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, that silhouette-ish picture is still hot!
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It would have been cooler if you had been all "Look at this AWESOME EFFECT I acheived!"
At least lame ass photographers like me would have considered it cool.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Die!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
pencil scientist?
What the fuck is that?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:09:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can we do it at least once before you perish?
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:59:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-26 23:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm you're hot.
===
As are you
Did I tell you I have a thing for blurry-faced brunettes?
<growl and such>
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:22:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I thought this post was going to be about masturbation.
Imagine my disappointment. :)
-----
After seeing THAT picture, all I did was masturbate!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear lord...this is not good news Val.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-30 08:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're fucked sister.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-03-30 08:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
AND THIS WAS BETTER THAN MY POST HOOOOW????
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-03-30 08:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-30 08:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-30 07:21:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:22:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I thought this post was going to be about masturbation.
********************************
Actually, so did I. Hmmm. You know, there should be an "action photo" setting on that thing, which removes some of the blurriness.
-=--==--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I too thought this was about the big M.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-03-30 07:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:26:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look on the bright side: At least your camera can't do that creepy white noise thing the TV did before ... you know, the girl came out of it.
Or can it? Now THAT would be really creepy!
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I swear if I had a mobile phone I'd have that as my ringtone. Just thinkiong about it gives me goosebumps.
Submitted by carolrichards (user info) at 2005-03-30 07:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fingers crossed
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-30 07:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:22:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I thought this post was going to be about masturbation.
********************************
Actually, so did I. Hmmm. You know, there should be an "action photo" setting on that thing, which removes some of the blurriness.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-30 05:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huzza for vodka. And Huzza times duece for drinking. Why is it when you get drunk you get thirsty but also to lazy to get yourself a drink. We need to have a immediate Ubercon at my place so someone can get me a funking glass o water. And that picture is just a big tease.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-03-30 05:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my lightbulb burnt out
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-30 05:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This will ward off your death by a good .000347 of a second.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-03-30 05:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-30 03:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think there's a bright side to this.
Really, I do.
When the damp little well-chick climbs out of your camera, she's gonna be so small and little you can just step on her and squish like a small squishable thing.
Unless it's a big ass camera. In which case, you're in trouble...
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reduce the shutter-speed to 1/30 of a second or less. Anything more than that results in acid-vision, ala your pic above. ...that, or Samara's visions are going to seriously fuck up your face, and that would be a shame, seeing as how it's one of the more stunning one's I've come across.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They're all like that? Wow, definitely stay away from your TV.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh I love fucking around with digital cameras
http://www.lazyfuck.net/uploadfiles/DSCF0043smaller.JPG
Submitted by Gizmo (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Concider yourself dead baby.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still haven't seen The Ring.
But yes, more vodka'll cure what ails ya!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
With rubbing alcohol. Repeatedly. It wasn't actually that bad... it was when I went to take a shower and stripped that I noticed the dried mounds of snot all over my shirt.
That was pretty bad.
Oh the fun things you have to look forward to! I live with my niece and nephews now (ages 7, 5 and 3 and a half) and I must say.... kids change you. Like New Extra Polar Ice Gum.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-30 02:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider yourself held.
You have washed your face since, yes?
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your forehead is cute. I'll hold you. Or at least I could hold your forehead. I'm sure your forehead and I could get along. I don't know about the whole blurry thing. I've dated women who were blurry before and it just doesn't seem to work.
What?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kris, today I lovingly held my 3 year old nephew Nicos in my arms. He looked up at me with big, loving puppy dog eyes, and told me he wuvved me.
And then he sneezed in my face.
Hold me, Kristen.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:38:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, this sucks. I have a teething child who has decided that being put down is a capitol crime. There's nothing on TV. I have to poop but have some moral issues with subjecting a baby not old enough to protest and/or plug her nose to such deeds.
Hold me, Val.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I suggest that you throw away all of your posessions and just live in the forest with nature. I know that New Jersey is populated with a shit-ton of trees and like, bugs and birds, worms, birds, squirrels, so live with them. Let them live in your hair. Laugh when people start dying from camera cancer.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look on the bright side: At least your camera can't do that creepy white noise thing the TV did before ... you know, the girl came out of it.
Or can it? Now THAT would be really creepy!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I thought this post was going to be about masturbation.
Imagine my disappointment. :)
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the title of the pic.
As far as it being fucked up, if you have the camera on auto, I would doubt that you would have that sort of motion affect from moving your hand, as the shutter speed on auto is usually very quick, like 1/100. But if it was a shutter thing, I would expect brighter colors, unless it was set on a shutter-priority mode, which I also doubt.
Dunno. Doesn't look like its a smudged lens, but I'm no expert.
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Based on your forehead, you could be hot.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:08:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my god, don't answer the phone!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Samara is gonna rock your world.
Submitted by Scatherm (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shhhh... she can hear you.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No more vodka for me, I can't even see your picture straight. Man I must be out of it.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-03-30 01:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking scrolling. what a world, what a world.