Harmless Dorm Fun (3085 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Miscellaneous
Rating: 1.73 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2005-03-30 09:25:32 EST
In my first year of college I was a walking fucking disaster. I drank too much, ate badly, didn't study, and generally was a loud, obnoxious bastard and a dreadful roommate. My roommate was a fairly quiet and meek fellow named Kevin, and it should be stated that he and I were definitely NOT in the same clique. He actually studied, didn't drink, and went to church. To this day, I have absolutely no idea why the dorm staff put us in the same room together. He was a really nice guy, but I was too much of an immature fuckball in those days to do anything other than fuck with him mercilessly. And unfortunately, I had willing accomplices at my disposal in Matt and Trev, who happened to live in a room on the same floor.
One Tuesday night, we decided to hang out in Matt and Trev's room and get hammered. After shooting a fifth of Finlandia between us, we were there.
Matt: Let's go fuck with Kevin. He's sleeping.
Trev: Yeah, man. What should we do?
Matt: I dunno...throw a pitcher of water on him?
Jimbo: Naw, dude, that'll leave evidence.
Trev: Set him on fire?
*dead silence*
Trev: Um...open the door and scream?
Matt: I know, lets steal his blanket!
Jimbo (still looking at Trev in shock): Yeah, that'll work.
So we tiptoed down the hall, giggling like retards, drunk as hell, and opened the door. Kevin was there, peacefully sleeping. Since he was my roommate, it was decided that I would yank the blanket. I snuck up, grabbed the corner, and ran like hell. Before I even got the blanket halfway off, Kevin was already sitting bolt upright in bed. It actually looked kind of freaky.
Anyway, we took off down the hall and hid in the bathroom. On the way, I stuffed the blanket behind the ceiling tiles. Matt and Trev were hiding in a shower stall, and I stood on top of a toilet with the door closed. I heard the door open quietly, then soft shuffling footsteps to the shower stalls, then this exchange:
Kevin (spookily quiet): Guys, where's my blanket?
Trev (giggling): I don't know. Why don't you check the bathroom stalls?
Motherfucker! He sold me out! Un-fucking-believable!
Soft, shuffling footsteps to my stall. Slowly, inexorably, the door creaked open. There stood Kevin, a look of calm detachment upon his face. It scared the shit out of me. The smile on my face slid away.
Kevin: Jimbo, where's my blanket?
Jimbo: Um..I don't know...I think-
Kevin: GIVE ME MY COCKSUCKING BLANKET MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAEEEEEEE AAAAAEEEEE!!!!!!
And he stomped, screaming, out of the bathroom, slammed the door twice on his way out, and screamed the whole way back to our room.
Kevin: AAAAAAIIIEEEEEEE!!!! AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! AAAAIIIAIIEEEE!!!
I was horrified.
The three of us ran like bastards back to their room, Matt in the lead, then Trev, with me pulling tail end Charlie. Unfortunately, the RA saw me running into their room at 3:00AM with a petrified look on my face. Kevin was still screaming his nuts off in our room. Calmly the RA walked down to their room and knocked on the door. I hid in the closet with the door cracked. Why? I don't know. He clearly saw me run into the room. Where was I going to go, out the seventh floor window?
Matt turned out the lights, and opened the door with a sleepy expression on his face, as if to trick the RA into thinking he and Trev had been asleep the whole time. God, we were brilliant, weren't we?
RA: Where's Jimbo?
Matt: Huh? I don't know.
RA: Would you do me a favor and look around for him?
Look around for him? We were in an 8'x12' fucking dorm doom, for Chrissakes! Where the hell could I be? Matt started picking up paper off of his desk, looking under it. He picked up a book, looking under it. He lifted his blanket, looking under it. I thought I was going to piss my fucking pants.
Matt: I don't see him.
RA: Why don't you look in your closet?
Matt: Hold on.
He slowly slid open the closet door (with a straight face, no less) and saw me standing there with tears streaming down my face.
Matt: Jimbo! What are you doing in my closet?
Jimbo: AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!!!
Long story short:
1. I got written up.
2. Kevin locked me out of our room.
3. I had to retrieve Kevin's blanket before he'd let me back in.
4. Kevin petitioned the RA for a new roommate the next day, and moved out.
User Reviews
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-12-24 04:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you remember when you and I used to write stuff this funny every week?
Merry Christmas, dear boy.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-03-24 06:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking AY! Thank you for almost getting me fired. I was sat under my desk trying not to make to much noise, which only resulted in a muffled wail (which incidentally sounded more like a distraught monkey, than an hysterical human being), when in walks my boss. I tried to explain, but it just resulted in me dribbling down my shirt. I'm going to be working late for a month now.
........it was worth it.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-21 08:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-21 08:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha
B@W
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-26 20:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Matt: Jimbo! What are you doing in my closet?
Jimbo: AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaahaahhahaaahahahahahah
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-10-02 23:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That made me laugh. Good times.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-04-10 19:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aLl in god FUNé.
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2005-04-04 08:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-04-02 05:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmm... so let's ponder this momentarily- the guy did absolutely NOTHING wrong to you, and yet because of your immaturity, boredom and conceit, you fucked with him.... for being asleep? I don't see how this is funny, you only get a +1 because of the Satan pic which was sweet enough to make me laugh...
But if you lived with me, and you pulled that shit? Your penis would be about a quarter of an inch smaller than it is right now.
In short, you wouldn't have one anymore.
And you would need a colostomy bag for the rest of your life.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-04-02 05:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look around for him? We were in an 8'x12' fucking dorm doom, for Chrissakes! Where the hell could I be? Matt started picking up paper off of his desk, looking under it. He picked up a book, looking under it. He lifted his blanket, looking under it. I thought I was going to piss my fucking pants.
________________________________________________________
There's tears streaming down MY face now, you bastard.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-03-30 19:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Howie_Felter (user info) at 2005-03-30 19:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That really wasn't a good prank at all and that ruined this story for me. Nice enthusiasm though
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-30 16:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-03-30 15:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-03-30 14:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah, college. sweet memories.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-30 14:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2005-03-30 13:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-03-30 13:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:44:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Trev: Set him on fire?
*dead silence*
------------------
HAHAHAaahahahaaa ooh
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cna't be said better...the best freaking line...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-30 12:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I buy this story.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-30 11:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hail satan!
Submitted by stevetherugbyman (user info) at 2005-03-30 11:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, at least he didn't eat your heart before he moved out.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Kevin: GIVE ME MY COCKSUCKING BLANKET MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAEEEEEEE AAAAAEEEEE!!!!!!"
That has to be one of the funniest lines ever
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell YEAH!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:33:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah, good old college stories. I expected a more climactic ending though!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har...good one!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a high school best friend roommate for 4 years (dorm for 2..well, housemate for 2)... We're still best friends... wow. Holy crap...that was 8 years ago.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Trev: Set him on fire?
*dead silence*
------------------
HAHAHAaahahahaaa ooh.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
I was definitely the "bad roommate" in college.
I lived with my high school best friend Leslie all four years (first in the dorm, then in an apartment), and how she was able to put up with my psychotic behavior I'll never understand.
She graduated with a 4.0 and a husband. Me, I'm still a fuck-up.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As usual, you rock.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:33:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah, good old college stories. I expected a more climactic ending though!
If you liked that, read this college story: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57879
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-30 09:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who is more psychotic, Kevin or Tom?