Eikaiwa lessons in Japan (772 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.12 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <zsmall.at.chirashi.net> (View user info) at 2005-03-31 03:45:05 EST
I was finishing my second beer at Moby Dick, the Izakaya right next to my school, and sharing some laughs with my students. I was always amazed that you could have a day care center, and English language school and a bar all within 5 steps of each other. It just encouraged our heavy drinking. One of the teachers from Honsha had stopped by to check out our school situation and ended up drinking with us. It was a calm night learning Japanese and teaching free English lessons to the students who were kind enough to keep us company when Shikun decided it would be a good idea to use what he had learned in class.
"Hey Kaori, wanna suck on my dick?"- but it actually sounded like "wanna sukku on my deeku?" The Honsha girl looked at me in disgust and correctly guessed that I had taught him that because "you wouldn't learn that in any GEOS textbook!" Yeah, no shit. You ain't gonna learn that stuff in any of the mindless crap you give us to teach. Teaching from those soul-sucking textbooks is slightly more interesting than listening to that ojisan I have on Saturday go on and on about which hostess he was planning on buying gifts for. I guess I would be getting a phone call from Honsha tomorrow telling me not to do that anymore.
I got up to take a piss and worried about breaking the seal. Knowing that I would be doomed to a repetitive nightmare of visiting the nasty ass bathroom where all the toilets are japanese style- and even the urinals are filled with shit. Bathrooms are fun places in Japan when you're white. As I pressed my forehead against the wall rare orgasmic ripples make me shudder because I had been holding it for so long. Relaxing as I finally got control of myself some drunk bastard comes up next to me, checks out my package and exclaims, "American penis, BIG! Japanese penis so small!" And you only thought that kind of shit happened on south park. My ex-girlfriend had informed me that taller guys have bigger penises than shorter guys and it wasn't her fault she cheated on me with that 6'6" football player. I guess 5'8" just doesn't cut it. At least I didn't have that wierd disease my brother told me about, the one that makes you Sumo-size while shrinking your stuff to the size of a cocktail wiener. I hope to God that one is fatal.
I stumbled out of the bar and onto the train to head back to my little apartment next to the air base. The fighter jets taking off so close to my house was like a natural alarm clock for me... at 4:00 in the morning. Being drunk on the train is kinda fun because you lose track of how long you've been on it. I had to pee when I got off the train but I opted to take a taxi to get closer to my house, the train had stopped a good 5 km from my place and I wasn't up for walking that far when I had to work in 6 hours. The taxi driver was friendly and kept blabbering about how big the US is and how small Japan is, he was amused that I was lonely enough to talk with him so when I got out he gave me a coffee candy. I still had to walk ten minutes to my house from where he dropped me and I saw some hotties walking by. Japan is like heaven for a country boy, all the girls dress up so nicely petite and cute and young looking - even if they're over 40. I stopped a moment to ponder my constant state of singleness, realized that I was wearing baggy khaki shorts with dirt on the butt, a faded green t-shirt that was too large and bright blue, extremely large pioneer headphones, and stopped pondering.
I pulled out the coffee candy the driver had given me, it was wrapped in a cheese-wedged shaped shiny silver wrapper that was air sealed. I tugged at the tip of the wedge and watched the spherical coffee candy pop out, fall on the ground and roll into the gutter as I finally reached my house at 2:00. If I was drunk enough I would sleep through the first jets rattling my apartment.
User Reviews
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-06-23 22:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah asian toilets are real fun. I love the footprints left on the western toilets because obviously its too hard to work out that you would sit on it like a chair.
That aside I think it would be pretty fun teaching English in a foreign country.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff, more please
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written, but lacking something of a plot.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought you could fuck as many girls as you liked in japan if you where white????
and i also thought they had clean toilets??????
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
nippon
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:12:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 04:53:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
well written but not much of a story.
you got drunk in japan.
the end.
-----------------------------------------
ignore me, I am the resident wanker
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 04:53:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
well written but not much of a story.
you got drunk in japan.
the end.
-----------------------------------------
ignore me, I am the resident wanker
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 04:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
well written but not much of a story.
you got drunk in japan.
the end.
-----------------------------------------
ignore me, I am the resident wanker.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-31 04:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty fucking good. Well written.