Tales from my twisted blackened heart. (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.82 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RAWapollo88 (View user info) at 2005-03-31 05:19:41 EST
We got drunk.
That's what we did really, got drunk. I had never seen anything like it before, you were trying to go pint for pint with me, it was amazing. I have always had a decent tolerance to alcohol so I feared the worst.
I bought myself a pint, you wanted one. A pint? Not half? Okay.
The pints were sunk, you actually BEAT me!
I couldn't stop grinning.
We were walking to the next pub, we had lost the main group, accidentally, although it was obvious I had engineered it. She didn't seem to mind though, and STILL, STILL I didn't have the nerve to try and kiss her.
The little man whom lives in my brain (and has a beach house in the pit of my stomach) kept whispering, whittering, whimpering. SHE IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
Occasionally thought the cunning cunt would change the tune, just to keep me on my toes. SHE IS A BIT FAT. HER HAIR IS A BIT OLD FASHIONED.
'Out of my league' would come from his holiday home in my belly, the disparaging remarks from his normal residence in my cranium. Perhaps he was doing me a favour.
On we walked, she started to stumble, I knew the keeping up with me couldn't last and so did she. It was growing darker, as dusk turned to twilight and the street lamps came on she became more inebriated. I feigned drunkenness to make her feel a bit better.
We ended up in a multi-storey car park, fuck knows why. She DEMANDED I buy her cigarettes, although she didn't smoke. I complied. Come to think of it that was to set the tone early on for our relationship. I am anything but compliant usually. She threw them away.
She was absolutely shitfaced and I was a bit drunk and STILL I didn't have the balls to kiss her.
Then she did something amazing. She pulled her trousers down and took a piss, right there in the middle of the car park. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had never seen anything like that before.
That confirmed it, I was smitten.
User Reviews
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-03-31 23:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-31 11:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, if I knew my secret talent of pissing standing up was a turn on, I'd have been using it.
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-03-31 09:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha. Cute
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-03-31 08:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of how me and my gf drink each other under the table.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-03-31 08:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now there's a classy ladyboy.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-03-31 08:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women who piss standing up = +2
Submitted by RAWapollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 08:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks thephahahahpah or whatever your name is!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are certain paralells here to my relationship with my wife. Depending on how the story ends, you may have lost a keeper.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I tend to babble too much to completely random internet strangers.
Anyway, good first post. Welcome to Uber. I hope you stick around. Try not to pay too much attention to the flaming or the flamers.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
she would prob feign illness and when you werent watching stab you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd be careful if I were you shandy.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm going to get in touch with your mum, i think
Submitted by RAWapollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes it occurred to me before.
although it should be okay, they only know the link http://www.ubersite.com/u/apollo88
i am trying to strike a balance between privacy and people actually reading it.
ho hum.
Submitted by RAWapollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 07:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I ahve no idea what you are talking about shandydog.
is there another apollo?
Submitted by theshrew (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bet she had a cock
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it is very engaging when they do that - though i prefer it if they do it on a grassy or vegetative surface
btw, have you considered that 'rawapollo' is perhaps not the cleverest name to use as a disguise?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the hottest things I have ever seen is my friend's girlfriend pissing on the side of a street. While holding conversation with me.
There's a certain intimacy involved, a certain connection made when a woman will urinate with you.
But only if they are pleasant looking.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:10:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Women, if you're recieving unwanted attention from a male, all you have to do is either, piss, shit, spit or fart in a public place.
That shit turns us right off, well the good ones anyway.
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Bullshit, if you can't accept that a woman does those things then your a freak. I don't understand how you can bring yourself to have sex with so many 'cleanliness' issues.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women, if you're recieving unwanted attention from a male, all you have to do is either, piss, shit, spit or fart in a public place.
That shit turns us right off, well the good ones anyway.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-31 06:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apollo88 is a big fat homo, so is shandy - they have ghey sex. (apollo is the pitcher though)
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I felt like beng a bit of a cunt (or even a C.U.N.T.), I would point out the inexplicable change in apparent audience halfway though - The lady in question is referred to as 'You', and then later on as 'She' - it threw me for a second or so.
But I'm not being a cunt, so I will make no mention of it. I promise.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My ex used to do that. I can't say I miss it.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always marvelled at how girls can maintain their balance in the required position to urinate while intoxicated.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MUMMY!?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:33:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you steal this from Shakespeare?
Beautiful.
Submitted by RAWapollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm just getting warmed up rad.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"She pulled her trousers down and took a piss, right there in the middle of the car park. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had never seen anything like that before."
You've never been to Glastonbury have you....
or Woking Town.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, tis an issue with relationship forming.
Carry on.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-31 05:23:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fail to see the latent homosexuality.