As a homeless man, may I comment on your fashion sense? (1394 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EbolaMay (View user info) at 2005-03-31 15:12:33 EST
Hello again. I see you nearly every day. Usually you're sitting in your silver Lexus at the light on my street corner, on your way to an upscale marketing/P.R./Communications/Sales executive job. Now, please don't be offended by what I'm about to tell you. After all, you're a very pretty young lady, and I'm sure that fucking wealthy men for all that money is the morally correct mode of opperation.
In fact, you remind me of an attractive blonde I once saw on "Taxi-Cab Confessions," back when I had a home and a life. She swore by that lifestyle, and she had the jewelry and the lines on her face to prove it.
Anyway, being a man of some experience, age and (I like to think) wisdom, I would like to take issue with your fashion sense.
Yes, yes, I know that standing here in my rags, desperatly trying to wash your windshield for a dollar, I don't look like I've got much to say in regards to your sense of style. I realize that my own clothing is covered in frozen snot, garbage stains from the garbage dumpster I sleep in, and grime from the last 7 years on the streets, but please, bear with me. I'm certain you'll appreciate what I have to say, and it could save you a lot of grief at your next coctail party at your boyfriend's art exhibit.
So, here goes. Rumor has it that mink is now OUT, my dear. You just don't realize how foolish you look in that fur, darling. If I may make a suggestion? Try Lynx, or perhaps Marmot. These are currently the "in" accesories in attractive, up and coming young laides of today. Really, you don't want your peers laughing at you behind your back, now, do you?
Now, may we discuss your shoes? I can't really see them that well, since you've got my arm trapped in your window and I'm yelping in pain, but from what I CAN tell, those shoes have simply GOT to go, miss. Don't you read Cosmo? My ex-wife used to subscribe. I know, I know, that's a womans magazine, but before I became an alcoholic, I was pretty normal, and like any bored man sitting on his toilet, I read whatever happened to be in the bathroom. Now, I just read the back issues tossed into my lovely one-room apartment/trash container, but they're usually current, and I can tell you, young lady, that you're making a grave error with those Anne Kliens.
If I were you, I would, POST-HASTE, march myself into the nearest Neiman Marcus and see if they have something in Stuart Weitzman for you. I assure you, shoes like that turn heads.
Now, let's discuss your jewel........
......Oh, dear, the light has changed. Can you please release my arm? Ma'am? MA'AM?! Please! Can you role down your window? Ma'am?!?!? May I have my dollar please?? Ma'am!!!! My ARM! MY ARRRRMMM!!
EEEIIIIiiiiiieieiieieieeieieiiiiiiiittttthpsh!!!!!
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--My humblest apologies to you, MANICMOTHER--
User Reviews
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:30:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
MM, I suspect that if you didn't make such a huge whining deal out of it, people would neither notice, nor care.
I haven't seen someone make this big of a deal over absolutely nothing since the last time mystia thought someone had dared to refer to her.
------------------
It must be a Detroiter thing, Cookie. And besides would YOU want a reminder of you own internet humiliation?
Submitted by mybrainisawaffle (user info) at 2005-03-31 20:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh, there will always be bums and there will always be the extravagantly rich. Yeah that shit's kinda fucked up but that's how the gravy train rolls.
You get a gold star anyways.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EG - You are becoming worth while.
Who knew?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for not being a whiney bitch.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't matter to me, Kai. Some people liked it. I really pissed off Manic though, and THAT does bother me, because she's a friend.
But you?
Go suck a Gaggle of Canadian geese.
Or.....
Whatever.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate:
homeless bums
squeegee kids
anti-fur whackos
this post
This is sarcasm in the entirely wrong direction. Can you do anything except "I'm-better-than-you" posts?
Normally I'd ignore a piece of shit post like this, but I feel as though it is warranted considering your superlative analysis my last posts. So have a -2, you really earned it.
And as for the dullards who +2 shit like this... good for them.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nordstrom is where women should buy their shoes. They even have cedar shoe trees built from a woman's last to keep the toes from curling and making you look like an elf.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why this was good, but it was.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read, keep it up mister...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MM, I suspect that if you didn't make such a huge whining deal out of it, people would neither notice, nor care.
I haven't seen someone make this big of a deal over absolutely nothing since the last time mystia thought someone had dared to refer to her.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
E-mail me.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:12:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a fun read. I say we get John Tesh to compose a song for it.
Submitted by Spice (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the way this was written.
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, Manic, I wouldn't worry too much about people on here. The odds of you ever meeting someone (unless you go to an Ubercon) are slim to zill to none. But you're right, I should probably have asked first. My bad, and again, I apologize.
Still pals?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell do you mean "fit the story so well" Why the hell didn't you take a pict. of you flipping the rich trash of america off. I'm trying to forget that pict even exist and you had to druge the damn thing up. I'll give you the damn +2. I really liked your post. You have a down to earth sense of rightousness in the face of the ugly parts of our society. THAT is important. But how the hell did you not guess that being pissed off to the point of letting the cretians of UBER push me into writing something that innane and posting a FULLY less than flatering pict. was something I was trying to forget? You've pissed me off, Ebola. At least you could have given me a heads up. Your choice what to do about it.
I hope the angry ashes of my +2 are cold and bitter in your mouth.
Submitted by sneakytikigirl (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't realize the homeless had access to the internet. Damn.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:34:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This applies:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53224
A homeless person beauty pageant
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Homeless people are always fun...
FOR ME TO POOP ON
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hells yeah
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Manic. I just couldn't resist. It fit the story so well......
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ManicMother has no sense of humour. Ruined your streak, man.
I won't ruin your streak!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you, Ebola.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA.....the homless steven cojocaru.
nicely done.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't see the fashion tips coming.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm starting to like you.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-03-31 15:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that was a good read.