Why I Hate This State: A Rant (955 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.3 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Josephine (View user info) at 2005-03-31 16:11:31 EST
Reason Number the First
In my state, we have the highest rate of teen pregnancies in the country. So much so, that most high schools have nurseries for the student's babies, and there are half a dozen "special" schools for teenage mothers to attend to get their high school diplomas.
Yet the state government has laws preventing sexual education. When I was a sophomore in HS, our health teacher (who was also our football coach) was required to teach us about abstinence, the only sex ed allowed. I had just moved from Minnesota, and was quite ignorant about the craziness of this state. This is what happened, almost word for word:
Coach/Health Teacher/Moron: "We all know the best way to live: in abstinence. If homos out there would do the same thing, they wouldn't be destroying our planet with AIDS." This sentence took him a good five minutes to choke out, as he was embarrassed and blushing.
Me: "Excuse me?"
C/HT/M: "What?"
Me: "Did you just say that homosexuals are going to destroy the Earth with AIDS?"
C/HT/M: "Yes. They are destroying family values by flaunting their ways and are spreading an epidemic that is going to wipe out humans."
Me: "First off, the only way you get AIDS is through sharing of bodily fluids. From your point of view, every heterosexual would have to have sex with a homosexual in order to wipe out our species. Secondly, did you know that AIDS began in Africa, and although they are unsure of its origins, it afflicted heterosexuals first?"
C/HT/M: "That's...not true."
Me: "Oh, right, I forgot, having lived in this town your whole life you know everything there is to know outside of the theological bubble surrounding this state."
C/HT/M: "You will not spe--"
Me: "What would you do if I told you I was gay?"
At this point, everyone in the class stared at me and he quickly changed the subject. I only had one friend in the entire school, and none of the other students would even speak to me after that. I didn't care; I just wish I had gotten into the birth rate statistics argument before the C/HT/M backed off.
Reason Number the Second
Aside from being one of eleven states in the nation to pass amendments barring gay marriage this last election, the state recently passed legislation that requires all internet ISPs operating within the state to attach software to their programs that when activated block certain websites on a list of the state's choosing.
Basically they made internet porn illegal.
This is not surprising to me, as a company called Clean Flicks is allowed to rampantly edit copyrighted motion pictures and rent them throughout the state for profit. Not only that, but the state has its own Porn Nazis (I've forgotten their official titles), who watch all major publications for indecency and have the freedom to edit anything before it goes to press. Seriously.
Reason Number the Third
This may be lumped into the first reason, but I didn't think of it until now and I'm a lazy editor.
In this state, pre-marital sex is a second degree misdemeanor. I have three problems with this:
1. It's stupid.
2. I don't see them enforcing it on all their pregnant teens.
3. When the Olympics were here in 2002, as required by the International Olympic Committee, condoms were distributed to all of the athletes competing. Written on the condom's packaging was "Please be aware that pre-marital sex is a second degree misdemeanor in this state."
Enough said on that one.
Reason Number the Fourth
Liquor stores are state run. Aside from 3.2 beer which you can get at a grocery store, all liquor must be purchased at a State Liquor Store or at a Club.
Oh, I forgot to mention that this state doesn't have bars. They have Clubs. In order to go to a bar-like place, you must pay a membership fee to get in or be sponsored by an existing member.
When you drink liquor at a restaurant that can serve it, you can only have one drink per person on the table at a time.
Reason Number the Fifth
There is a really big, stinky lake.
Reason Number the Sixth
Wherever I meet new people here, I am asked why I'm not married yet.
There are plenty of other reasons (like our former and current governors), but I'm too lazy to list them all. These are the main ones.
Get me out of here.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Quit your fucking whining and MOVE already. Good God, it's not that difficult to do.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like Utah. It's my home, and home is what you make of it. Sure it could be better, but as it stands right now, I'm having a damn good time. My internet has never been filtered and as a result I've discovered a few fetishes within myself, I watch filthy disgusting movies freely on my non-Clean Flicks DVD player, teen pregnancy is nobody's fault but the stupid teenagers having unprotected sex, and I've never really been one for the bar/club scene anyway. I'm content to staying home, watching porn, and drinking a six pack of Mike's on a rainy weekend night.
But I'm with you on the pre-marital sex/second degree misdemeanor thing. Utterly ridiculous.
Good post.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-04-01 03:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:56:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utah, oh man thats just depressing, and I live in Canada.
Things I like about my province Alberta:1. Health care
2.the beer
3.our industry is based off oil and beef, so we have all the country's food and oil
4.We're currently debt free beeyotches! The east can suck it.
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I am going to have to correct you. I have never even been to alberta and I know th best thing about it is Wolverine was born there.
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Well played. Well played indeed. I go drinking with him sometimes. He's very handy when you have a a beer bottle that refuses to open or are attacked by giant purple robots.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-04-01 03:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Utah almost killed me.
I was driving from LA to Wisconsin one summer, and rolling past the little one-horse casinos that dot I-15 in the blasted Nevada desert, when we cross the state line into Utah. Nicer desert-- more rock than sand. All of a sudden, we see a billboard, all glitter and sparkly rainbow color, with a giant rattlesnake on it. Spelled out in huge, eye-catching letters, and apparently intended in a spirit of utter seriousness, was the phrase "Pornography: As Dangerous As This!"
Almost drove off the fucking road. Talk about dangerous. If we hadn't had an appointment to keep in the Uinta mountains, we'd have turned around and plotted a less brain-damaging route east.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-04-01 02:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:18:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dang, I thought Georgia led the nation in purse-lipped hypocrisy. Looks like we got some competition.
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I was just thinking that this sounded a lot like Georgia until I got to the porn part. We got plenty of nasty dirty dirty strippers that will do sick and twisted things to you. Oh the horror.
We are also one of the biggest porn manufacturers, distrubutors, and producers on the east coast.
Its about the only great thing about Georgia. Otherwise its just a mexican infested, ignorant, inbred sack of shit state.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-03-31 23:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
they shore duz got a big giner on that there sine
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-03-31 23:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:38:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ronniehill.com/images/FL%20TH%20JJ.jpg
Lookit the Mormon chickies I found! I would turn lesbian for the brunette.
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Wow.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-03-31 21:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, Utah sucks ass. I think I will drop a contraceptive bomb there.
Seriously, that's fucking terrible.
Submitted by bicklefragile (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck mormons.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:51:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The mormons even spelled their name wrong. They included one too many m's.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Move to Wiscansin.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Like Mark Twain said, the Mormons can keep practicing their cult religion because they take all the ugly chicks.
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http://www.ronniehill.com/images/FL%20TH%20JJ.jpg
Lookit the Mormon chickies I found! I would turn lesbian for the brunette.
Utah is retarded. I went for a couple days during the month of May about five years ago? Maybe more? Anyway, it was in the 40's out! What the hell is that?! It was May! It was 100+ degrees in Florida and every other sane place in the world.
I don't trust a state where the highs reach the mid 40's in the summer.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There's room on my face, if you're considering a lateral move.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:56:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utah, oh man thats just depressing, and I live in Canada.
Things I like about my province Alberta:1. Health care
2.the beer
3.our industry is based off oil and beef, so we have all the country's food and oil
4.We're currently debt free beeyotches! The east can suck it.
----------------------------------
I am going to have to correct you. I have never even been to alberta and I know th best thing about it is Wolverine was born there.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Like Mark Twain said, the Mormons can keep practicing their cult religion because they take all the ugly chicks.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez, suddenly Glasgow seems like heaven on earth.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:18:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:56:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utah, oh man thats just depressing, and I live in Canada.
Things I like about my province Alberta:1. Health care
2.the beer
3.our industry is based off oil and beef, so we have all the country's food and oil
4.We're currently debt free beeyotches! The east can suck it.
--
Hilarious!
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This would have been better if it were about Florida. Big stinky swampy poo poo state!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
move, or sue them for editing your porn under freedom of press/speech get rich and become my sugar momma.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sex education is necessary.
I have a chinese girl friend who never got taught anything at school or home. She believed she could get pregnant from a kiss.
Up until what age you ask?
15.
Sex can't be a taboo subject. However it shouldn't be *entirely* free or open either. It should be enjoyed responsibly. None of this "We'll just abort the side-efects" mentality.
Submitted by MJP (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
www.uhaul.com
Stop whining and leave if you hate it.
-2die; post again when you've left that shitbox or it gets sunk into the lake.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, anyone who doesn't like porn and premarital sex needs to get the fuck out of America. That's just unpatriotic.
Remember kids, if you don't pull your pork, the terrorists win.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh...my ex gets those "clean flicks"....
Too bad when I take the kids to the movies they see and hear everything... Oh well, stupid whore.
You didn't need to say but one thing...
Title: I hate my state
Body: Mormons
That is more than enough.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:50:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the fuck did you move to Utah?
Also, anyone who hasn't seen it should check out SLC Punk. Great movie.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Utah, oh man thats just depressing, and I live in Canada.
Things I like about my province Alberta:1. Health care
2.the beer
3.our industry is based off oil and beef, so we have all the country's food and oil
4.We're currently debt free beeyotches! The east can suck it.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was in Utah once, went with a friend to a sushi restaurant. At the time I was a sushi virgin. My friend told me that that green stuff they give you with sushi doesn't really have a flavor so you have to put it all in your mouth at one time.
Bad friend.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the fuck did you move to Utah?
Also, anyone who hasn't seen it should check out SLC Punk. Great movie.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
America: land of the free.
Submitted by ChesterTheJester (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You live in utah.... I'm sorry...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've said it before and I'll say it again; move to a less shity country - there are plenty.
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:28:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
The_Fan - The Church does not recognize polygamy anymore, only radical sects do that now. But yes,
you're right about the only good Utah.
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Yeah I know there's really not much polygamy. I was just trying to sound loud and ignorant.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:28:17 (#)
Ranking: -1
Here's an idea... move away.
Shocking.
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If things were as black and white as that, I'd live in Italy already.
Submitted by Josephine (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
RyuFu - It doesn't work. You'd have an easier time turning a lesbian straight.
Kre8rix - I'm working towards that.
JMG114 - Considering it.
Jeanneee - This is just the tip of the iceberg.
The_Fan - The Church does not recognize polygamy anymore, only radical sects do that now. But yes, you're right about the only good Utah.
shitfuck - I'm dead serious.
Professional_Peon - Planning on it.
Jack_McCallum - If you want to support my mother, hells yes I'll trade with you! It is a beautiful state (minus the lake) but even someone with as much patience as me can't take it anymore.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Here's an idea... move away.
Shocking.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
www.hopster.com get past firewalls and restrictions on sites. fuck them.
you should tell them you're trying to get a bunch of people from las vegas to move in with you.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OHIO (ohio ohio) - drew carey show intro
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, baby!
I'm in San Francisco. I've always wanted to see Utah. I've heard that if you can handle the Mormon bullshit, it's actually a nice place to live.
Want to swap places?
I'm up to my neck in faggots and weak-sister liberal scum and America-bashing bohemian fucksticks who wish it was still the summer of love.
Get ME outta here!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you serious?
Pre marital sex is a crime?
What a fucking sick, sick and twisted joke.
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any state that makes porn illegal has no right to exist. Tell your fucking Mormen leaders to stop beating their 6 wives and start beating their meat to the Internet. While drinking beer. In quantities of 3 or more.
The only good Utah was Johnny Utah in Point Break. "Hey Utah! Get me two!"
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dang, I thought Georgia led the nation in purse-lipped hypocrisy. Looks like we got some competition.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HAR HAR MORMONS!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good rant. Come to NY. It's illegal here to NOT do that stuff.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reasons I love my state:
I can go to the beach on Christmas and sit among coconut trees while I have a beer, while wearing a T-shirt and shorts
Plastic surgery capital of the world, that equates to alot of nice tits
No need to own a winter wardrobe and summer wardrobe.
Surfing all year round
Great fishing
South Beach
I could go on and on....
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
har har peener
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uuhhh...move?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-03-31 16:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I wanna move to Utah and convert to Mormon just for the chicks.