Drunk driving, problem solved. (629 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (View user info) at 2005-03-31 16:55:43 EST
I never really gave much thought to drinking and driving. Sure, I've seen the MADD campaigns, but I thought to myself "It's just people driving around drunk, who gives a shit? And how come these mad people don't let fathers be upset too? why are they gender exclusive? I fucking hate feminists ... I wanna drink." But that all changed last weekend. I was witness to a horrible incident, and decided I needed to find a way to make sure no one else would have to suffer the loss that I saw.
Me and a couple of my friends were driving around, drinking, thinking we owned the world. We each had a drink in our hands and were laughing about something or other that in retrospect probably wasn't very funny anyway. The joyous ambiance of the car was soon to be broken, however, by the gasp of the driver, who suddenly jerked the wheel of the car forcing all of us to spill our drinks. As you might imagine, we were rather upset and had to kill the driver and burn his car to get retribution. I couldn't help but feel that, as I watched the whiskey spill to the floorboards, a part of myself died. I'm not sure, nobody brought it up, but I think my three other friends felt the same way I did. The rest of the night felt lifeless. We ran over three children and an old lady, but could barely force ourselves to smile. It would be days before I could laugh again.
I thought about taking taxis when I was drinking, but that was money that could be used to buy more alcohol. I knew I needed something better, a spill resistant cup holder. I felt certain that someone else, having been through a similar situation, must have come up with a spill resistant cup holder already, and all I had to do was find one and mount it in my car. But, after tirelessly searching Google for about 2 minutes, I couldn't come up with anything, so I decided to design one myself. The next couple of days were spent drinking myself into oblivion before I had a chance to dedicate the 30 seconds I needed to design the device and draw a schematic for it. Hopefully, I can get some funding from the government and get one of these babies installed in every new car in America. No longer will we suffer the agony of spilled beer, no longer will we stand helplessly by while alcohol is wasted. We have a solution, lets use it.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Homer: No TV and No Beer Make Homer ... something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
Treehouse of Horror V
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-03-31 22:34:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me and a couple of my friends were driving around should be "a couple of my friends and i..."
Submitted by carolrichards (user info) at 2005-03-31 21:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-03-31 20:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
driving sober inhibites your driving ability
Submitted by kcthelush (user info) at 2005-03-31 20:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All too familiar...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:58:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
if we're lucky, you'll drive off a bridge, that'd be COOL!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wasn't funny, not because it was about Drunk driving, it just wasn't funny.
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm not so worried about how manyu I kill, I'm much more concerned with how much beer I spill."
Yes, NOFX inspired this post. Good eye.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd buy one.
Submitted by ljcsponger87 (user info) at 2005-03-31 19:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
reminds me of the NOFX song... "you drink, you drive, you spill"
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2005-03-31 18:57:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bury your friend from a drunk driving accident and I bet you won't make such jokes.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i feel this has to be invented already. go look through some brookstone or sharper image catalogs and let me know.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nalgene bottle? or for you underagers, a sippy cup.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you ever point and laugh at people while you are drunk, I don't care what you've heard, they CAN see and hear you.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2005-03-31 17:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.