How Diana's Soused Chauffeur's Bitch Cousin Ruined My Life (an explanation of sorts to my dear Merlina) Part IV (560 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger Ranger <harveyra.at.iprimus.com.au> (View user info) at 2005-04-01 07:57:43 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59308 - Part I
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59757 - Part II
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60745 - Part III
"Yeah... hi, I'm Danger_Ranger." I said, shaking his liver-spot covered hand. "I know," he replied, voice quavering, "You are the only one who has ever been nice to me." I began to speak, "I..." but Thorpe interrupted. "Ohhh, Fuck off. Don't start fucking crying again, Harold! Get a grip, you're a fucking conservative, remember?! You don't fucking mind sending our lads off to Vietnam to fight and die for fucking imperialist America but you turn into a blubbering mess the minute Danger_Ranger rocks up. Stop the car, Hidden." "... don't know you." I finished.
"Certainly, your majesty." said Hidden and continued driving. "Okay, okay. PLEASE stop the car. We can't leave him here, not after last time." Hidden turned out of the carpark and pulled over, leaving the engine idling. "He's got five minutes".
Nobody spoke. Gob Job and Hidden sat and stared out the windscreen, Thorpe turned and craned his neck to look for Williamson, Harold sighed and rested his head against his window and I wondered why I didn't just put my PC in the boot. Harold broke the silence. "Ow!" He exclaimed as Thorpe leaned across me and punched him in the kidneys. "What did you do that for?!" "Vietnam." Thorpe replied. Williamson appeared in the beam of the headlights. He was barefoot and appeared to only be wearing Gob Job's 'new' army surplus overcoat. "Halt! Who goes there?" Hidden barked. "Who the fuck do you think goes here?" sneered Williamson. "Let me in." He started towards the car. "Identify yourself!" ordered Hidden. Williamson stopped and hung his head. "Haven't you had your fun, Hidden? Please, just let me in." "REVEAL YOURSELF!" Hidden snapped. I have central locking and you could be hiding republicans under your coat. The REAL Williamson has an incy-wincy peener, if you are he, than you must prove your unmanliness." "OH, fuck off. I can't fucking believe this! Thorpe?? Help me out here, please?" "I AM the gatekeeper, and it is I you must obey! Reveal yourself - NOW!" continued Hidden. Williamson's shoulders slumped in defeat. A fine mist of rain began to fall. He opened the overcoat and revealed his incy-wincy peener. "Now; shout the password." said Hidden. "The 'password'?" queried Williamson, closing his coat. "Yes, the password." replied Hidden. "Fucking hell. What's the 'password' then, arsehole? I can't fucking believe this." Hidden continued, "The password is 'ATTENTION GHEY MENZ'. You must display your tic-tac and shout it once on each of four ninety degree rotations. Only then will we know your true sexual orientation and identity." "Thooooorpe, fucking DO something, please." whined Williamson. "I AM THE GATEKEEPER!! - and Keeper of the Keys!" shouted Hidden, revving the engine. "Jesus Christ... you'll let me in?" asked a disheartened Williamson. "IF you are he." replied Hidden. Williamson breathed a reluctant sigh and acquiesced. "Attention ghey menz." He said as he opened his coat and then turned to his left. "Attention ghey menz." "MORE CONVICTION!" Hidden hollered. When Williamson had finally finished humiliating himself, Hidden reached below the dash and popped the boot. Williamson closed his coat and trudged towards the car. He stopped at Hidden's window. "I'm not getting in the boot." He said. "Just let me in, you've had your fun." "All recently outed gheys are to enter through the rear door." Hidden shouted through the window. Williamson stomped off to the back of the car and glared at Thorpe as he passed.
"I'm all fucking wet." he complained as he climbed aboard, shutting the rear door.
"You disgust me." Hidden replied.
"I REALLY want to go home, Gob Job." I moaned.
"I know the feeling." said Harold.
-I know I said no more posts, but I feel obliged to the half dozen people who read this crap... and I'm drinking, *hic*-
User Reviews
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-01 11:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SPAMPAGE!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-01 09:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funky. I am Imperialist America? Wow.
<feeling superior now>
Hey, you Aussies, can you puuuuleeezzee tell me about the T.V. show Paul Hogan had before he made "Crocodile Dundee?" I saw it once, years and years and years ago, and it was sum funny shit, but I can't remember the name of it.
Bwah! I wan it! Bwah!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:19:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit. I need to gain my dignity back. I'm predicting wierd and wonderful camwhores on my behalf to prove this wrong Danger.
Good to see you back mate.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my fucking god YES!~
I haven't read this yet but glad to see you back my friend.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm... less peener, more communist time-travelling conspiracy.
But who gives a shit: DANGER'S BACK!!!!
I told you Uber would never let you leave.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-01 08:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT THE FUCK???
This was the last thing I expected to be at the top of the page...
okay now to read it